Wednesdajr, April 5, 1850
MAROON AND GOLD
PAaS THREE
Elon Ivory Rollers Expecting Great Campaign
I'm Tel ting You
By STONY SILLY-OH
All-American Ace New Transfer
To Elon From Hickey-Freeman U.
For some time now the speedy the coach 1,000,0$0 yen and five
matriculation and hasty departure
of one Roland Yi has left us
guessing and wondering. We
learned that he could speak Eng
lish smoother than many of us and
rode American bicycles with the
agility of a youngster, but that
was all. So in utter curiosity, we
dispatched LUIGI JONES, the
the M&G affable and able feature
writer to State College to get the
true lowdown on our Chinese
friend. Following is the priceless
original manuscript of Luigi s re
cent escape to said institution of
lesser homework.
Luigi (to a State student); “Hey,
keed, I ma looka for small Chi
nese boy. You tal me where hesa
live?”
Improperly escorted and direct-
led, we now find our emissary in
Yi’s private abode, a fashionable
midget Chinese structure in the
lieart of Women’s Square, built
to suppress Yi’s burning desires.
Luigi—“Wall, Rolando, how
you feela? Longa time no see.”
Yi—“Oh, Uigi, my Unamerican
friend, I velly hoppy to see you.
What a presant suprise. But
wrat are you doing here?”
Luigi—“Wal, I tal you. The
bigga boss, you no Mee^ta Beard,
wal hesa bringa me down here to
get bigga story from you. Hor-
kay?”
Yi—“Ok, shoot.”
Luigi—“Shoota? But I’m no
wanna shoota. I’ma wanna talk
at you. Why you leave Elona Col
lege? Why you no stay some
more?”
Yi—“Uigi, my mission to Amer
ica was a big secret, but I guess I
can rereal it now. I came here as
field scout for a few of the Uni
versity of China. Gong Gong U.
is rooking for yo yo prayers, and
the U. of Goo Goo needs some
touch football men.”
Luigi—“So, you bigga tima
scout.”
Yi—“Yes, more or ress. Coach
Fooey say I con’t go home tirl I
fine some great prayers! And so
far it has been a big disappoint
ment. I think maybe courd rure
Coach Marrory and some of the
boys to China but everyone seeme
the coach 1,000,000 yen and five
bags of rice a month as athretic
dilector of eeping State and
Shang-Low wanted Sal Gelo and
Bob Edminston for their vorrey
ball team but they refused too, so
I’m down here trying my ruck.”
Luigi—“Wall, Yi, I’ma sorry
sorry you no hava luck. But re
member nonga be wisa guy. Non-
ga botha gooda boys at Elona.”
Yi—“No, I am through with
Eron, and I don’t know what to
do. Can you help me?”
Luigi—Wal, I’ma gotta hidea
Rememba keepa da shut up. You
bigga scout, then maybe I be
smalla scout, and when I finda
boy I senda heem to Yi and you
senda heem to China, howsa dat?”
Yi—Oh, Uigi, that is a sprendid
idea. You are so smart. You are
signed as of today and ’Im sure
you wirl have more than enough
yen to eat the rice you are paid
in.”
Luigi—Wait joosta una minoots.
First, rememba you gotta keepa
da shut up. No tal somebody, and
nombera to, I’in no wanna rice,
I’ma wanna gooda
pasta fazoola.”
Yi—“Okay, Uigi,
touch with you.”
Luigi—Gooda by.
Irisha dish,
I keep in
NEW GRID MENTOR
iiO
Burke^Pilam
Bout Carded
By TOMASO STANISLAUS
' ’!Hbe gridiron destinities of Elon
College for the 1950 campaign
will rest on the head and shoul
ders of Coach Ruby Adams, who
has been relieved of her duties as
Director of Women’s Athletics to
act- as mentor for the latest edi
tion of the Maroon and Gold foot
ball squad.
(I’m no kin to Gorgeous”)
Mildred Burke, who has reigned
supreme among the nation’s wo
men wrestlers for nearly a decade
returns to Memorial Gym tonight.
The champion of the feminine
grapplers is to feature Promoter
William Osborne’s weekly card in
a main event battle, which will pit
her against Matsy Pilam, of Nor
folk, Va., a newcomer to local
shows.
Just as it is in about every bout
that Miss Burke fights, she will
be defending her championship.
If she should lose, then the crown
will go to the Buxom Miss Pilam.
On the other hand, if Miss Burke
wins, she will then meet Gorgeous
George for the world’s champion
ship
The Burke-Pilam bout will be a
one-fall affair with a three-hour
time limit, and, after an interview
with Miss Pilam, it seems that the
title is destined to change hands.
The challenger declared. I’ll show
that gal something that she has
never seen before.”
Supporting the two • feminine
attractions will be a bout staged
by popular demand, a return en
gagement between "Gentleman
Bob” Edmiston and “Husky” Hall,
both well known to followers of
the grunt and groan sport on the
Elon campus.
Although outweighed by 230
pounds, HaU is not discouraged.
When asked what he thought of
his chances of copping the vic
tory, the “Husky” one only re
plied, “It’s not how much you
have, but how you use it.” This
bout will also be a one-fall af
fair, but it will be staged with a
5-minute limit.
It is expected that a capacity
crowd of fifteen people will see
the bouts, and officials have asked
that the public come early so as
to avoid confusion. Ticket sales
have been extremely heavy, but
plenty of good seats remain for
the best show of the year.
Barring possible complications,
such as a raid by the F.B.I. or af
filiated agencies, it appears now
that opponents of Elon’s powerful
1950 crap-shooting team will have
to get down on their knees and
beg in pitiful tones for a “seven,
come eleven,” for Coach Bill
Sloan will floor one of the clever
est quartets that ever rolled the
ivories for the Maroon and Gold.
Captain Jim Hailey will round
out his career with the bone-roll-
ers this season, and his backers
hope it will be his best year. Coach
“Bones” McKinney of the Wash
ington Congressionals, speaking
of Hailey after last year’s national
finals, declared “He’s a natural.
It was only a natural description
of the Elon star, for Hailey had
just rolled twenty-five “naturals”
in a row, which was slightly un
natural. And yet, it may have
been natural enough, since he was
using unnatural dice.
Teaming with Hailey ' in the
Number One pair will be Warren
Johnson, who won All-American
honors in 1949 while competing
for Hickey-Freeman U. Rated as
one of the greatest passers in the
history of the game, Johnson made
fifty consecutive “passes” against
Proctor-Gamble Prep on St. Pat
rick’s Day a year ago and then
led Hickey-Freeman to a thrilling
victory over the University of Al
catraz in the Dice Bowl game last
July Fourth.
Sports scribes have been guess
ing how and why Johnson decided
to transfer from Hickey-Freeman
CRAP CAPTAIN
Jim “Natural” Hailey will round
out four brilHant years as captain
of the Elon ivory-rollers this sea
son, and followers of the galloping
bones are expecting great things
of him this spring.
to Elon, but that mystery was solv
ed on April 1st when Coach Sloan
admitted that the star passer had
been given a full scholarship and
the pent-house suite in the Old
Power House free of rent.
Asked how he could afford such
a munificent offer, Coach Sloan
stated, “Well, I know how good
he is. 1 taught him all I knew
while coaching him at Bon Ami
Prep, and then, too, here at Elon
he will have the advantage of us
ing my dice.”
Rolling No. Three on the team
this spring will be Bill “Snake-
Eyes” Sinclair. It appeared doubt
ful for a while whether this husky
ace would compete this spring,
since he has been carrying the
load for the debaters through the
1950 season. However, Coach Bill
Struhs has agreed to release Sin
clair from s,pring practice, and it
is certain now that he will join
the crap-shooters in time for the
all-important match with the
Team of Destiny from C.C.N.Y.. a
team which trained on the side
walks of New York.
Questioned as to possible kin
ship with the immortal Harry Sin
clair, who gained nationwide no
toriety while competing fro Tea
pot Dome Institute in the early
Twenties, the Elon ace modestly
disclaimed any relationship, but
he declared that he hoped to win
enough to rival the “take” of that
ace of by-gone days.
Rounding out the deft-fingered
Elon quartet, which will fling
Elon’s chances to the floor this
spring will be Jimmy Horne, that
amiable red-head, often nick
named as “Hobo” Home because
he has ridden so many “box-cars”
to victory. Horne hit his hottest
streak last year when he paced
the Maroon and Gold to victory
over the Yale-Towne Locksmiths,
champions of the Ivory League.
Coach Sloan, who has decreed
that each member of his squad
must drink eleven bottles of 7-Up
every day, appears definitely
pleased with the prospects. He
commented yesterday that, “Of
course we can’t tell about the
chances, for it’s all a gamble after
all, but we hope to win enough to
pay for the new gym.”
the dope bucket
By STILL BERN
Bob Edminston, the midget
blimp, who recently became a
Fighting Christian for athletic
purposes, was once turned down
by the US Royal Cub Scouts be
cause the gear of that organiza
tion would not encircle the big
one’s anatomy.
♦ ♦ ♦
Arlon Branfle, tootball brilliant
of ’46 and ’47, is so small that he
has sued the City of Reidsville
more than once for numerous rea
sons.
ELON GETS NEW $500,000 SWIMMING POOL
♦ * *
Coach Garli Wofle, our master
ful phys-ed tactician, once wres
tled Gargantua and is ready to
admit that lingering bruises from
that battle are the true cause of
the gorilla’s recent death. And it
is felt by many that since an Elon
man did the job, that the carcass
should have been put on display
in the rotunda of Alamance rath
er than at Yale University.
Joe Deaton, the great muscle-
bounded athlete from G’boro, once
turned down an offer to serve as
physical instructor at Women’s
College.
South Dormitory now has a spe
cial scholarship plan for its ath
letes and has a working agreement
with the varsity sports enterprises
of Elon.
♦ * *
Alvin Pate, the great cartoonist
and ex-footballer, turned down an
offer to work for Walt Disney,
only because Dr. Smith bettered
the cartoonist’s bid.
“Choo-Choo” Stanley, in his
first time around Starmount ten
years ago shot a birdie. In fact,
he added a skunk to complete a
successful day of golf.
I
Elon Chess
Star Named
By GORGEOUS STANISLAUS
I
*
The Class of 1950 has just announced its graduation gift to Elon College in the form of a
$500,000 swimming pool. The pool, finished in “Muddy Tile” to harmonize with the new gymnasi
um, has just been completed directly north of the new tennis courts. One hundred twenty-three
seniors contributed $4,065.04 each to make the gift possible.
FACULTY FIVE US CAGE GAME
(Sub-Assistant Sports Scribe)
The greatest basketball attrac
tion of the year will be reeled off
on Commencement Day when the
faculty and officers of the college
will meet their wives in a cage,
contest, which may determine the
answer to that old debating query
brains or brawn is the more pow
erful.
Every member of Elon’s alum
ni is expected to return for the
great game, and the administra
tion has announced to proceeds
will be used to install slot ma
chines in the rotunda of Ala
mance and also escalators in all
By GUISEPPE SPIVAK
classroom buildings and dormi
tories.
Pre-game dope now is leaning
slightly in favor of the wives,
since members of the faculty and
administration team are having
trouble catching their practice
sessions, due to “Inside” activities
that demand their time.
Presiwent Smith has not been to
practice since the ball park burn
ed, having been busy in an at
tempt to “put the building bee in
the bonnet of the Bees.” Dean
“Pass-it-to-me” Bowden is also
having difficulties He gets to
practice, but he has to leave fre
quently to check class and chapel
cuts Prof. “Double Dribble” Red
dish may round into shape, but he
disappears too often to check on
Biology experiments.
Rounding out the faculty five
will be Dr. “Hook-Shot” Doug
lass and Prof. “Flash” Hook, who
will serve as playjng coach. Since
no smoking is allowed on the floor
of the new gym, Douglass was not
expected to play until the game
was moved to Mooney. Coach
Hook, despite all the difficulties,
is optimistic, for he has worked
out all formations by the formu
las of physics and mathematics.
(Sports Editor, Junior Grade)
Athlete’s-Feet-of-the-Weak hon
ors go to Elon’s own Roger Wil
son, the internationally known
chess player, who has just been
acclaimed champ of the Eastern
District after defeating ten of the
best players from the New Eng
land, Fiddle Atlantic and South
ern States. The tourney was held
at the Alamance Round Garden.
What makes it more spectacular
is the fact that Wilson played all
ten men at once. As the ten men
pitted their brains against Wilson,
20,000 fans roared their applause
for the Elon star, who roamed un
perturbed from table to table,
making his moves with alternate
hands and feet. The easier ffoves
were made with careless ease, Wil
son raising his feet to kick the
men from place to place. It was
apparent from the start that Wil-
sbn had his opponents compeltely
bewildered.
The Elon star, who trains daily
on a diet of chess pie, won the
hearts of the fans even before the
tournament started when he step
ped from Elon Cmith’s Sadillac in
front of the new delapidated
arena. The champ was nattily at
tired in purple and gold trunks,
combined with a cerise Tee-Shirt.
Embroidered neatly on the back
of the shirt was an advertisements
for Tony’s Pool and Lunch Room.
As he entered the Garden the up
roar from the fans was so loud
that it echoed to the plush-lined
parlors of East Dorm.
The chairman of the Elon Ath-
eletic Bored, which passes out the
honors here, commenting on the
choice of Wilson, said that “upon
the shoulders of Roger Wilson
rests our hopes that Elon may
produce a National Champion. We
would like to say to Roger that
we have complete faith in him and
for that reason have fult elected
him as our Athlete’s-Feet-of-the-
Weak Number 3,000,001.”
♦ ♦ *
Frank Malinouski, 15-man on
Maryland’s freshman tennis team
last season, was pried loose from
the University only when assured
of No. 10 spot here at Elon.
George Shakelford will join Mel
Allen in broadcasting the NY
Yankees baseball games in the
near future.
♦ ♦ *
A seeing eye dog and cane will
be normal football issue for Cou-.
sin Weak-eyes Ludwig next fall.
* ♦ *
Coach Mathis sought police pro
tection during the North State
basketball tournament when ar
dent female fans haunted some of
his cute cagers.
TO COACH CHESS
A shake-up in the Elon coach
ing staff on April 1st has materi
ally added to the chances of suc
cess in Conference contests.
Coach Jim Fallory, who was un
able to win more than eight
games out of ten last season in
football, has been relieved of his
grid duties and will
chess team next fall.
direct the