^PAGE FOUR
MAROON AND GOLD,
Wednesday, April 5, 1950
Elon Student Chosen To Become
Fellow Of Royal London Society
A news item in a recent issue
of the M&G received internation
al attention wlien tlie London So
ciety for the Extermination of
Rampaging Rodents selected
Elen’s George Stanley as the reci
pient of its annual award for reso
lute rodent reduction, which was
madeon Saturday, April 1st, on
the south lawn of the Elon College
campus.
The investiture was made be
fore a background of thrilling pa
geantry, with the entire student
body of the college standing in re
verential awe during the proceed
ings. Foreign dignitaries were
very much in evidence represent
ing each of the United Nations.
The ceremonies were disrupted
temporarily when the Russian
representative walked out.
The 100-piece Elon College band
played marital music prior to the
presentation, and immediately be
fore the investiture they played
“Hail to the Chief” as Stanley
walked forward to receive the
decoration.
After a long roll of the drums
and a clash of cymbils, the Mar
quis of Cesspool, personal repre
sentative of King George VI, rose
from his seat on the back of one
of Elon’s sleek trucks and caUed
Stanley forward. An excerpt from
the citation follows;
“ ... as personal representative
of George VI, by the Grace of God
of the United Kingdom, the Do
minions, and formerly of Ireland
and the American Colonies, I here
by make you a Fellow of the Roy
al London Society for the Exter
mination of Rampaging Rodents.
This grants you all rights and
privileges of the Society, and, in
addition, a life-time membership
in the back room of the Bull and
Bustle.”
Additional honors were accord
ed Stanley as he knelt to receive
a British title. Whacking him
across his posterier with the flat
of his sword, the Marquis of Cess
pool dubbed the Elon student a
Night of the Bath. This honor
was accorded Stanley because
George VI was so pleased with
the thought of another George
making good in a big way.
Liles To Go
To Ubangia
On June 1
Mi'S. Sadie Liles announced
yesterday her resignation as Dean
of Women and stated she would
leave June 1, 1950, for Central
Africa, where she has accepted a
post with the Ubangian govern-
fent. Her assignment there wiU
be to clear the jungle thickets
alongside the great super-highway
from Doula to Djibouti.
Captain Liles (she is to receive
that commission in the Ubangian
Corps of Engineers) was chosen
from a field of 40,000 applicants,
and it is understood here that the
choice was made largely because
of her outstanding work displayed
in clearing the jungles around
Alamance Hall.
Many have commented on her
‘ expert use of the axe and bush-
knife and her mainfest interest
in plant life arjd landscaping
since her arrival at Elon. She had
not had much to work here, but
she worked hard on what little
there is (or was). In fact the very
land itself was lucky to ’scape
when she started* her “bush lift
ing” project.
Commenting on her new ap
pointment, Captain Liles stated
Blanchard Invents New Explosive
While Working In Chemistery Lab
Groom Center Of All Eyes
At Spring Holiday Wedding
By FREDERICA BILLSDOTTER | ered under the arms. The pretty
story was current that the coat
(Society Correspondent)
Goldsboro, March 6.—Mr. Rob
ert Bruce Smithwick, son of
Mr. and Mrs. Bruce L. Smithwick,
of Norfolk, Va., became the bride
groom of Miss Faye Branch this
afternoon at the Free Will Baptist
Church here.
The groom, who was attended
by Gorgeous George Stanley as
groomsman, was the cynosure of
all eyes. Blushing prettily, he
replied to the questions of the
clergymanin tones low but firm.
He was charmingly clad in a
three-piece suit, consisting of a
coat, vest and trousers. The coat
of dark material was draped about
his shoulders and tastefully gath-
Professor Is Charged
With Plagiarizing Poe
Reliable sources disclosed today,v/ay’s “Death in the Afternoon.”
that Prof. John F. West, teacher j Will you comment on that?
of English at Elon College, was j WEST; Hemingway writes noth-
being sued for plagarism by the^ing but garbage. I certainly
Society For the Prevention of thef wouldn’t copy him. Q: Any
Prostitution of the Works of Ed
gar Allen Poe. The S.P.W.E.A.P
has stated in its suit that West
has written and published several
short stories, taking the plot,
characterization, and much of the
flowery, macabre prose directly
from stories written by Edgar Al
lan Poe.
An interview with West fol
lows: Q: What about this plagiar
ism charge the S. P. P. W. E. A. P.
has made against you? Would
you care to reply to them?
WEST: It had to happen some
time. Q: What was that, sir?
WEST; I said, “I wish it were
summertime.” Q. So do I. Now,
what about the story? WESTi
(furtively closing Volume III of
the “Works of Poe”) You can say
that while I am a great admirer of
Poe’s work, I certainly would nev
er use any of his material as my
own. Why, that would be steal
ing!
Q; By that do you mean to im
ply that the material you use in
your stories is all original?
WEST: Well, ah, now that you
mention it . . . which stories do
you mean? Q; All of them in gen^
eral. WEST; Well, let’s take them
other stories you’d care to men
tion? WEST: I am working on a
terrific story now that I may work
into a novel if I can get enough
material. (Here West glanced
quickly at the volume he had hid
den behind his typewriter).
This is another one about a bull
fighter, but I am giving the plot a
truly ingenious twist. You see,
this guy grew up in an old home
that had a grandfather clock in it;
and one day, in a fit of pique, he
smashed the clock with one of his
father’s old picadors. Ever since
then he has been haunted by the
clock. He hears it ticking all the
time, and he dreams he is tied
down in a ipit and the pendulum
of the clock is swinging down on
him. I am calling it “I Spit On
Your Pendulum." Q; How do you
get all these ideas? WEST; They
just seem to come to me.
Here West offered to add, "I
write nifty poetry, too. Did you
ever read my poem ‘The Craven?’
It’s all about a guy who is afraid
of birds. Kinda superstitutious,
you know. He thinks that if a big
black bird ever gets into his house
and sits on his clock that it would
be extremely unlucky. And 1 am
one at a time. Now—ah—oh, yes. | also . . . Q« Is there any final
How about my story about the statement you have to make to the
bullfighter, “The Basque of Amon
tillado." Nobody can say that
wasn’t original from start to fin
ish. It was all mine. Q: Some
iiave said it resembled Heming-
S. P. P. W. E. A. P.? WEST; Yes.
Tell them I this-and-tbat on them,
and I am going to sue THEM for
Ubel.
was the same one worn by his
father and his grandfather on
their wedding days.
The vest was sleeveless and
met in front. It was gracefully
fashioned and held together in
the back by straps. Conspicuous
on the front of the vest was the
groom’s favorite piece of jewelry,
the Ruptured Duck discharge pin,
and from the upper left hand cor
ner of his vest hung a long watch
chain, the bride’s gift to the
groom, which flashed brilliantly
and gave the needed touch to the
costume in perfect taste and har
mony.
I
The groom’s pants were of dark
material and fell from the waist
in a straight line to the floor. The
severe simplicity of the garment
was relieved by the right panta-
lette, which was caught up about
four inches by a garter worn un
derneath, revealing just the artis
tic glimpse of red and yellow plaid
socks above imitation brown lea
ther shoes with low heels and
white shoe strings. The effect
was chic.
Beneath the vest the groom
wore blue suspenders, attached
fore and aft to the trousers and
passing in graceful curve over
each shoulder. This pretty and
useful part of the costume would
have passed unnoticed had not
the groom dropped the ring when
the groomsman passed it to him.
W'ihen he stooped to pick it up,
the blue of his suspenders was
prettily revealed. His neck was
encircled by a collar, character
ized by a deleicate pearl tint of
old-fashioned celluloid, and
around the collar was a tie, loosely
knotted, exposing a collar button
of bright metal. The tie extend
ed under the left ear with the
studied carelessness which marks
the supreme artistry in dress.
The costume of the groom’s at
tendant was especially the same
as the groom’s, and as the two
stood at the altar a hush of ad
miration enveloped the audience
because of the complete harmony.
Actually, one could hardly tell
them apart.
As the new Mrs. Smithwick led
the groom from the altar, it was
noticed that she wore the conven
tional veil and orange blossoms.
Reprinted From
Moscow Daily Purge
Jake Blanchard, one of the
most brilliant students to pass
through the portals of the Chem
istry Department in many years,
is credited with a discovery that
v;ill take its place alongside the
H-Bomb. However, as late as 9
o’clock last night, no one had been
able to locate him to inform him
of his new discovery.
His new process, which has been
tagged “D” for “Destruction,” was
one of those rare, chance discov
eries that comes to a few scien-«
tists only once in a century.
Blanchard, who, incidentally,
is presiednt of the Society for the
Advancement of Lost Ancient
Greek Culture, has been one of
the most diligent chemistry stu- j
dents. He has often remained in
the lab after everyone else is
gone, working painstakingly to
perfect new process and theor
ies. Last Wednesday night was
no exception. The faithful stu
dent purposely missed dinner
(he's a country boy and calls it
supper); he felt sure that a long
that she was delighted at the op-j hidden secret was about to reveal
portunity it offered. She stated itself to him.
NEW DISCOVERY
that she had long felt the dense
thicknesses of the Ubangian jun
gles imposed a hardship on the
older animals, particularly on one-
legged monkeys. She hopes to
clear the thickets all along the
highway so that the animals will
have an unobstructed view of car
avans traversing the Doula-Dji-
bouti turnpike.
Danieley Taken
For Moojishining
Deputy Sheriff Ethelbert Q.
Schlumf, of the Alamance County
“Revenooers” department an
nounced last night the capture of
Prof. J. Earl Danieley, of the Elon
Chemitsry Department, on charg
es of illegal whiskey distilling.
Sheriff Schlumf stated that
Professor Danieley had been using
the equipment in the Chemistry
Department to run off “moon
shine,” sometimes as much as 250
gallons per day.
Danieley was captured after a
runnning chase on the Greens
boro highway. Dr. W. W. Sloan,
idetnified as the driver of the es
cape car, and alleged to have been
the distributor of the “stuff” Dan
ieley brewed in the Chem Lab.,
made good his escape on foot.
He is known among fellow-boot-
leggers as “Hot Rod.”
Suddenly the lab was rocked
with an explosion that completely
air-conditioned the entire Science
Building, as well as every other
building within a five-mile radi
us. That is with the exception of
one building, for North Dormitory
because of its modern design and
structure, was unharmed. Paul
C. Plybon, hard at work in his
office in the basement of North,
escaped unharmed and was seen
speeding to Camp Butner for re
placements within ten minutes af
ter the blast.
Miraculously, none of the stu
dents were injured. It seems that
a burlesque show in Burlington
had attracted the entire campus
populace, including faculty and
administrative officials.
Fleetwoid White, a yiung gen
tleman who does not approve of
such anatomical display of the
body, had not attended the bur
lesque and was the only student
in the vicinity. As the only known
eye-witness of the catastrophe, he
has been an invaluable source of
information. White, an English
major and a man of unquestioned
integrity, gives the following des
cription of the incident.
“I was setting in the grill eat
ing a hamburger and drinking a
glass of beer. Then I heerd the
most gosh-awful noise and every-
thang went blank for a few sec-
Prof. John F. West, of the Elon
English Department, has announc
ed a discovery that rocked the
foundations of the World of
Science, having perfected a meth
od of transplanting mustache
hairs to the scalp. In announcing
it, he says, “No one need go bald
again,” and he points out that his
discovery will be a boon to penny-
wise men, because “one may get
a haircut for the price of a mus
tache-trim.” The latter statement
was of especial interest to Dr.
Smith, who now regrets that he
is not bald. He says, “With all
the money I would save, we could
build a new dormitory.”
Elon Prof
Has Eloped ’
Dr. N. F. (Uncle Ned) Brannock,
head of the Chemistry Depart*
ment, eloped yesterday afternoon
with Mrs. Bessie Walldroff, emi
nent Preiffer College psycholo
gist. The elopment came as a
complete surprise, although,
statements from close friends re
veal that the couple had been seen
together several times in the past.
James Earl Danieley, AB, MA,
STBPhD, AP, UHT, LICWTT, re
ported that Dr. Brannock had
been very moody and pre-occu-
pied lately. He further stated
that yesterday afternoon as he
was working in his office, the ve
nerable and beloved professor
threw down his copy of “Esquire”
and said suddenly, “I’ll do it.”
Danieley reported that he had /
no idea at the time what Dr. Braa-
nock meant and that he was
amazed to see his departmental
chief grab up a box of Hershey
bars, and a handful of chalk and
dash out of the door, whistling
“A-Hugging and A-Chalking.”
When last seen, the couple was
reported driving down Highway
62 at a mad clip, presumeably
headed for some Gretna Green in
South Carolina.
onds. Well, for anyone who
knows me, that there is unusual.
When I regained ti normality, I
looks around and finds that I’m
a-setting on a pile of tooth picks
and there ain’t a soul anywhere in
sight. It was downright embarras
sing. Well, I looks over toward
the campus and sees a tall celyum
of green smoke with pink poka-
dots rising about a mile in the
sky. Every building on the camp
us was gone. I don’t know, but
to me the scene was that of simple
beauty. Then I sees something
in the sky. It were circling about
the campus, first diving, then
climbing and spinning all the
time. Man, I just knowed it was
a Russian flying saucer and they
were beginning to strike the vital
American institiltions. When it
grew closer, I got a real good
look. It was about six feet in di
ameter, flesh colored, and—it’s
funny, but it looked like it had
shoes on. Come to think of it,
that thing looked just like Jake
All “April Fools ” Welcome At
THE CAMPUS SHOP
A Shot Of Hadacol In Every Milkshake
We Feature
The New West Mustache Method
Brannock's Barber Shop
Elon College, N. C.
Eton’s Only Licensed “Bookie”
College Bookstore
Noon Deadline For Afternoon Raees
Blanchard— especially on Satur
day night.” i V ^
Efforts to contact Blanchard
are still being conducted. Blan
chard, if he was the unknown fly
ing object, was last seen doing a
perfect outside loop and dashing
off toward Virgilina at an unbe
lievable speed.
RUNS FOR SENATE
Arthur Lewis Mizell, until re
cently vice-president of the stu
dent body, unable to find a job
since graduation at the end of
the winter quarter, announced last
Saturday, April 1st, that he would
run for the United States Senate
in opposition to both Tar Heel
Senators, Graham and Hoey. Mi
zell stated that he had entered
both races, figuring that this
would double his chances of wirsr
ning. ■)
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COMPLETE OUTFITTERS FOR THE STUDENT
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