Newspapers / Elon University Student Newspaper / April 4, 1951, edition 1 / Page 2
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MAROON AivlD 60lD Wednesday, March 21, 11’ i Maroon and Gold Edited and printed by students of Elon College. Published bi-weekly during the college year under the aiuspices of the Board of Publication. Entered as second class matter at the Post ®ffice at Elon College, N. C., under the Act of March 8, 1879. Delivered by mail, $1.50 the college year, 50c the q'ijrter. EDITORIAL BOARD Edward Engles Editor-In-Chief Robert Wright Associate Editor Justyn Carter Music Editor J. B. Pickard Feature Editor Walter Graham T Staff Photographer Luther N. Byrd Faculty Advisor BUSINESS BOARD / Matt Currin Business Manager Wynona Womack Circulation Manager B. G. Frick Printing Advisor Edward Engles Press Mau SPORTS STAFF Joe Spivey Sports Editor George Etheridge Sports Assistant Charles Myers Sports Assistant Jeanne Pitman Sports Assistant ART STAFF Neil Johnson Roy Grant Tony Diamond Cooper Walker REPORTERS Sheffield Abell Virginia' Pla Hazel Barker Donald Scott Jane Boone Mildred Sharpe Harry Farmer Robert Smithwick William Hunter Oliver Thomas Rachel Matthews Lester Squires Happie Wilson WEDNESDAY, APRIL 4, 1951 APRIL FOOL The word of the day seems to be April Fool. Ah, the things we say without ana lyzing them! Whence came this odius custom of April Fool, anyway? Just what is an April Fool? The logical definition of an April Fool would be “one who is a fool in April,” but that hardly seems satisfactory, for it is obvious that if one is a fool in April he would be a fool during the rest of the year as well, although the fact that most people usually become fools around this time of the year would seem to disprove the other contention. Why not May Fool (that may fool some of the people some of the time, but it won't fool some of the people some of the time), October Fool, or August Fool? Now there’s an interesting one. August Fool. Webster defines “august” as “of a quality inspiring admiration and rever ence;” so obviously we can’t have an Au gust Fool. ■ With only 11 other months to choose from, it is only natural that we decide on April, for the reasons above mentioned, if any. farmer in the dell By HARRY KLODNOCKER Before we start, I’m new at this, and I want that clearly understood. The title of this should give you an idea of my opin ion of myself. Dc.es that make sense? ♦ ♦ ♦ Since our old friend Bob Wright has left us in favor of a job with some local radio station, we hear that radio sales are booming. Everybody is trying to sell his radio, and the result ip as imagined. ♦ ♦ Things may or may not be getting worse around our fair school, but the other day as I was approaching the dining hall from the south side, I spied a hearse parked near the loading door. Chowman, what are you going to feed us THIS week? * * ♦ On April 18th and 19th, for the second time on any stage, legitimate or otherwise, will appear J. B. ‘Cheaper by the Gallon” Pickard, presenting his entire stock of unusual facial expressions (contortions is a much better word), including his every day one. Students who have never wit nessed a public execution are advised not to come. J. B., contrary to rumor, IS from Earth. He emphatically denies citizenship of any other planet. As he pointed out, there are probably dozens of people, in this country alone, who can breath under water. ♦ » * Remark made to an Ohio U. shorstop after he had committed an error: “Wha-a-a-h, hit’s one o’ Ouah Boys!” ♦ ♦ ♦ After reading the latestadditions to the Dean’s List, I wonder why I didn’t make it too. ♦ » ♦ Boner Department. The Burlington “Times-News” reports that a certain number of people have been killed “on Tar Hell Highways.” This is an admis sion? * * * ' We read in the paper the other day that there are over 10,000 people in the United States who believe that * they are radio transmitters. This may well be true, be cause I personally know three radio trans mitters who think they are people. Is this possible? • ♦ » He kissed her in the garden, ’Twas a lovely, moonlight night. She was a marble statue And he a wee mite tight. of radishes i sing BY SHRDLU SELGNE BULLETIN-TEST RESULTS (ACTUALLY!) TITLE: BEOWULF REVISITED Question: Give a brief account of Beo wulf’s battle with Grendel’s dam. Answer. Beowulf tears off Grendel’s dam arm and beats her in the head— then he sees her dragon and kills with it—About that time Grendel’s mother bites Beowulf in the throat which is the cause of Beowulf’s death. Beowulf had the last draw. Teacher’s comment: Him who draws last don t always draw best. Moral; A little learning is a dangerous thing. ♦ ♦ * Then there was the student who wanted to know what Homer’s last name was. ♦ * * For those of you who wonder how (or why) a Maroon and Gold reporter re members little things he wants to includ'e in some future issue of the paper, and for the purpose of filling up some space, I hereby offer a list of some of the notes I have taken in the course of this year, picking them out of the book at random. Maybe some of them will make more sense to you than they do to me, which is probably why 'a great many things never appeared in the paper that should have appeared. Anyway, here goes. Where Elon is . . . 100-50-25-25—salutatorian, etc. Accompanist—James Clyburn— Orestes; Stop? Rest? How can I when. Looking for new talent—. Second week in April — Mrs. Smith quote . . . Advertising nonsense. Jane Eyre Thursday night. Apologies to Ben Kendall and Royall Spence. Tickets 60c special price otherwise not. Alamance Hotel—FNS—Sellars Bread-cereal-milk-soap-juice-eggs (some thing tells me this had nothing to do with the paper). TV—“affront to intelligence” ... in tegrity “Contemptible”. . . Monday—2 PM—two pillow cases. In the name of Jesus Christ (ed.) . . . spread . . . Well, there is a small cross-section of the notebook. One thing for sure, the Communists will never learn any vital secrets from any old papers I might leave lying around. FLYING SAUCER LANDS NEAR ELON At 0700 hours yesterday, ac cording to army authorities, a Flying Saucer landed at an insig- nificent spot in North Carolina. This spot, known locally as Elon, cannot be located on any available maps. A special Senate Investi gating Committee has been ap pointed and is speeding to North Carolina to look into this threat to our national security. It was stated by the Governor of North Carolina, one “Hog-Wal- low” Scotch by name, that there is nothing of military value in this area. “In fact,” said the gov ernor, “There is nothing of any value whatsoever.” News dispatches listed the re ports of the landing as unverified, bift it stated that one daring soul had been sent out to investigate the strange craft. If the reports of the landing are verified, it will prove the existence of the Flying Saucers for the first time. The first reports of the remark able occurrence were discredited by the Defense Commission in Washington, D. C. Senator Die hard Q. Blowhard (R), Alabama, said, “I have never seen a Fly ing Saucer, I have never known anyone who did see a Flying Saucer, I never expect to know anyone who has seen a Flying Saucer. Even if I should see one, By I. B. NOSEPICKER (Inter-World News Service) I would refuse to believe it.” We point with pride to our great na tion that has produced a states man like this. It is men with his sort of determination that have made this country what it is today. NO HEADS AT ALL A later report from the daring soul who investigated this ship states that the inhabitants of the ship hail from the planet Saturn, where life has advanced much more than upon our own Earth. His report reveals that natives of •Saturn have bodies very much like those of the people here on Earth, with the minor difference that these people have no heads. They have bodies like our own and just a mouth where the neck and head are usually found. These visitors admitted that they were responsible for the many stories that have been circlating in re cent months. They explained that their race once had heads, but in the far distant past they had per fected the mechanical l^ain and even improved on it to the point that all dull witted persons were given a portable model to carry around with them. This put them on a level with all the other in habitants and above a few of the others. The bottom group then insisted that they were entitled to mechanical brains. So the pro cess continued until^ all the peo ple had one, thereby making it unnecessary to think. The heads then started to grow smaller, and eventually all the unused organs disappeared entirely. MUSICAL MINDED The visitors also told the scout their reason for being on this planet. On Saturn, they explain ed, no one has to work, and they lie around all day just listening to radios and watching television shows. This has led to the de velopment of a race of great cul ture. Since the science of Saturn has progressed so far beyond our own, they are able to pick up the shows from Earth as well as their own programs, and they branded programs from Earth stations as far superior in general to those of Saturn, although they declared the music was not, as a rule, quite up to standard. They talk ed knowingly of such operas as ‘Ma Perkins, “John’s Other Mis tress.” and they mentioned in particular that great epic of the Golden West, “Hopalong Cassio peia.” In regard to the music, though, they said that they had found (Continued on Page Four) I The name “Henrietta” is all the rage on the Elon campus this spring, so it’s no wonder that Hen rietta Borneman (left) and Hen ietta Hoppe (right) were chosen to rule jointly over Elon’s lO.'il May Court. There was an exact tie in the voting, each polling 1,234 votes in the election, so bo'!i will be crowned over the head with a baseball bat. They are sh own above, wearing their coron:;- tion gowns, ‘^Just Crazy Over Dancing ’ By GRANTLAND DUNKEL SPEEVEY The new Modern Dance class hit Elon with a tremendous im pact, with a capacity composed largely of athletes, who proclaim themselves “just crazy over danc ing,’ Your reporter scoffed when ;he course was first announced, 'ut it is a different story now. 1 rushed to the gym to get a first-hand account of the proceed ings and v,^as met graciously at the door by Dr, James Howell, in structor of ':he new course. He ■ idjusted his iights and prQceeded to give me the story of a highly successful undo 'tak og. “You are probably surprised at (he number of athletes so auspi ciously p^'e'ent. ’ he said. I nod ded an affirmatve, and he contin ued, ‘It’s so entirely rational, Ii gives them a sense of poise and grace that nothing else offers. Then he called attention to his star puBil. Frank Tingley, I followed his admiring glance to the corner where Tingley wa' warming up, flitting about the floor with a queer look of pain I wondered why and was told iha; it was all part of the dance, for Frank was impersonating a moth that had flown too close to a ‘ candle. Retreating slowly, I was swept from my feet by big Sal Gero himself. Limbering up, Sal was lifting his dainty, legs into a p . - pendicular poiVtSon, and ore time he became so absorbed t. . he lifted his right leg before ta ing his left leg down. As soon as the gym quit rocl'- ing, Dr. Howell rushed to exam ine Sal and expressed his relic l to find no serious damage. “AftCi- all,” Dr. Howell said “Sal seldom dances on his legs, anyhow.” Dr. Howell’s new class is to feature the annual Elon May Fes tival this year, with Hank DeSi- I - ' mone, Bob Marshall, A1 Ludwij and Don Haithcox joining Ting ley and Gero in featured role: I for “The Dance Of The Fairies ' f litting gracefully through one of the routines in the “Dance of the Fairies” is Frank Tingley, whoi was formerly one of Elon's ace football players. Smiling broadly in mid-air, Tingley ,shouted glee fully, “And to think I ever waited time playing football, when dancing can be ,so much fun!”
Elon University Student Newspaper
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April 4, 1951, edition 1
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