The Pendulum
Opinions
Thursday, August 28, 2003 Page 3
Where are the WMD?
Welcome to Elon’s version of ‘Dear Abhy.’ This weekly column will entertain you with questions
from the minds of actual Phoenix students. Do not fear the subject matter of the questions.
THE GURU
"Why is it that men go through all the trouble of asking
for your phone number, but never end up calling you?"
There seems to be an epidemic
out there of chronically “dead” cell
phone batteries. This mysterious
problem strikes those phones
owned by the males of the species,
and has a habit of occurring at the
most peculiar of times—like after
a date.
Interesting isn’t it?
To my knowledge (which as
you know is extensive) there have
been no tests conducted regarding
the reason behind men and their
inability to call.
However, you don’t need a
Ph.D. from Harvard to figure it
out.
Men don’t talk.
Oh, they know how to use their
vocal cords all right, but when it
comes to sitting on the couch and
having a three-hour gossip fest it
just doesn’t happen.
How many men do you know
that dial their best bud whenever
they happen to run into the girl
they like?
None. It’s “unmanly.”
Plus it plays havoc with their
cell phone bill.
Men would rather spend time
with face-to-face (or mouth-to-
mouth) contact, rather than
attempting to bond over the phone
lines.
Another source of confusion
over male phone etiquette derives
from the stark differences in “male
time” and “female time.”
Most women like to have things
planned out in advance. They want
to know on Tuesday what they will
be doing on Friday. After all, it
takes awhile to pick out an outfit.
Men, on the other hand, are in
the habit of procrastination. And
you know what they say about pro
crastination ... it’s fun. I am a big
advocate of it myself.
Since men are not quite so dead
line oriented, they lose track of time
very easily. As my good friend likes
to say, “men lead very busy lives,
with all that ESPN and PS2, its no
wonder they forget what day it is.”
And while many men are able to
correctly understand a calendar, her
point is nonetheless valid. If he hap
pens to call the night before Friday’s
scheduled date, it could be because he
honestly didn’t realize that it was
Thursday.
But, all the blame cannot be placed
at the feet of the guy—despite how
much you wish to dump it there.
Before you go bad mouthing his
“rude” phone etiquette to your
friends, think about how the number
exchange actually happened.
Did he ask you for it? If so, was it
after you woke up next to each other?
Such exchanges end up being based
more on courtesy than an actual
desire to see you again.
Or did you hand it to him? It is a
hard pill to swallow, but unless he
asked you for your digits he may have
simply taken the number to be a gen
tlemen. Few things are worse than
public rejection.
Before you start to sink into some
self-deprecating slump, worrying that
he never really wanted to call you in
the first place, fear not. Because the
fear is really his.
Men aren’t afraid the telephone is
some scary monster hiding in a closet
waiting to gobble them up. Instead,
they are afraid of you.
Society places a lot of pressure on
the male to be the one to go after the
female. It is his job to pursue, to work
for it.
While this is unfair, and straight
out of the Dark Ages, it is
nevertheless a relic of past
times that will not disappear.
Kind of like Chinese food, the
smell still lingers in the
kitchen long after you have
thrown it away.
Because of this pressure to
be the one in control of the
dating, many men feel like
they need to be the ones to
take the first step; to be the
one who calls.
Once they have built up the
courage to ask for your num
ber, they are racked with
doubts. After all, you could
have just been being nice. Or,
if it happened in a social set
ting, he could be horrified that
you were wearing a particu
larly strong prescription of
beer goggles and will run in
terror the next time you see
him.
So if a guy you like asked
you for your number but
doesn’t call, don’t stress.
Well, don’t stress too
much.
He may honestly be afraid
that you will reject him when
he does call.
To ease his fears, the next
time you see him find a way
to let him know you would be
excited to hear from him
again.
Whatever you do, please,
don’t find his number and
attempt to call him. Because
then I can guarantee he will
not call you. Ever.
Send a question to the
‘GURU’ at
elonguru@yahoo.com
John Dugan
Columnist
As our troops continue to search for weapons of mass
destruction, keep order and provide support in Iraq, the ini
tial reason for their existence is not forgotten. The Bush
administration’s rationale for entering Iraq was that the cor
rupt Saddam regime’s possession of weapons of mass
destruction was, and is, a threat to the United States and the
global community in general. So, where are these so called
weapons of mass destruction?
Personal views on this topic may vary depending on the
individual’s political preference. However, the fact of the
matter is, whether you’re a strong, conservative Bush sup
porter, or a whiny, liberal “Bush-basher”, weapons of mass
destruction do exist in Iraq. They have been seen, video
taped, confirmed and unfortunately experienced. The WMD
I am referring to is the Saddam Hussein regime. This man
has committed mass murder on the people of his country, and
others, just to show is power.
According to a former Iraqi colonel (name is anonymous
for security reasons) who provided BBC News with video
footage of his experience at several of Saddam’s “mass
graves,” the scene was “absolutely horrific.” A modem grave
was found, with skin and hair still existing on the corpses. In
the BBC report the colonel remembered, “The skulls had
holes in the back of the head, as if they had been shot.” He
had estimated between 150 and 250 bodies had been buried
there.
This form of genocide is by no means new in Iraq. The
Saddam-led regime is infamous for exterminating “disloyal
enemies” in Kuwait and Kurdistan. One mass gravesite in
particular, located in central Iraq, is said to contain the
remains of some 3,000 people.
These facts are undoubtedly enough evidence to justify
military action in Iraq. Saddam is responsible for millions of
unjustifiable deaths and therefore must be held accountable.
The United States is doing everything possible to hunt and
destroy this weapon of mass destruction, but continue to take
heat from the liberal-led “Bush-bashers” who have failed to
open their eyes. The Bush Administration should be applaud
ed on its effort, not criticized by selfish “know-it-alls.”
Critics of Bush’s decision to dismantle Saddam, ultimately
resulting in lives saved, should be a.shamed of themselves.
Perhaps you should pick another topic to bash Bush about,
such as the kind of toothpaste he uses or what his favorite golf
course is. Hey, figure these things out, and you guys could
have a field day.
Contact John Dugan at pendulum@elon.edu or 278-7247.
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