Page 6 • Thursday, February 12, 2004
OPINION
The Pendulum
This weekly column will featitre confessions of a Southern, religious studies
major. Each week, Jonathan will offer a light-hearted look at the little things in
life that can make a big difference.
IT'S THE^^THESIGS...
End of the World Part IV
'"It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine." -R.E.M.
Jonathan Chapman
Columnist
In the past century we have sur
vived six major wars, numerous
conflicts, hundreds of scandals and
international tension that has
spanned the better part of 50 years.
But a new war has begun, one that
breiiks ail previous boundaries and
finds its way into our own personal
homes. Every day, I ann my.self with
my right index finger. It can ies the
arrow on my computer over the
red 'x' at the top of the window. 1
click. One pop-up ad down,
9,999,999 to go.
Every day, Internet users fight
through hundreds of pop-ups, .shoot
ing them down almost as soon as
they appear. Double clicking on the
Internet icon on my desktop, I begin
to brace myself for the impending
bombardment (pop] of these horri
ble windows of annoyance. At first.
I navigate in peace, checking my e-
mail. Then, I make the move they
were waiting for — I check my
Hotmail account.
Suddenly, I am in the midst of a
war zone. One
comes in on
the right.
There’s anoth
er on the left.
Then from the
bottom. Then
they drop the
big one-an Jonathan
ad pops up Chapman
and shakes at me! I can handle an
advertisement or two, but when one
shows up and starts shaking at me,
my patience drops to zero. I click in
rage. First here, then there. My anger
builds until I finally succumb to the
ads and close my browser with com
plete and total abandon. The compa
nies won that battle.
And the thing is, the companies
win all the battles.
Maybe I’m totally off target, but
these companies that sponsor such
advertisements must realize the war
zone they have created by bringing
these pop-ups into our homes. So
my question is, why are these com
panies purposely making my (and,
the rest of the world's) Internet expe
rience miserable? Do they have it
out for anyone who connects to the
World Wide Web?
Perhaps I am over analyzing.
Lets look at this logically.
Companies make money by sell
ing products or services. They are
able to sell such products and servic
es by advertising. I learned that in
eighth-grade economics.
What they didn’t teach me in
eighth-grade economics is that the
most effective way of advertising
is to annoy the [pop] out of
Internet users.
Let’s face it, the last time I want
ed to get someone’s attention, the
first thing I thought to do was to take
out massive amounts of pop-up win
dows to grab my target’s precious
[pop] time. Obviously, this irritating
scheme of complete pop-up immer
sion is working because every time I
log onto the Web, more and more
ads appear.
This revelation leads me to my
next [pop] question: Who are the
Einsteins who keep clicking on these
maddening windows? I don’t know
any, at least I hope I don’t, because I
might just be forced to sever all ties
with them. Maybe complete alien
ation is too harsh, [pop] but I will
most definitely be forced to rethink
our relationship.
Perhaps the [pop] problem does
n’t lie in those who continuously
click these exasperating pop-ups.
Why should we punish the people
who [pop] have fallen prey to the
evils of diabolical ads? Instead, we
should create a blacklist of compa
nies that use popvups.
First appearance on the list, they
are considered a low threat — a
[pop] warning is sent to the compa
ny [pop] encouraging them to stop
using pop-up ads as a means of
advertising.
If a day passes and [pop] it has
yet to react to the initial warning, it
will be subject to a slightly less tol
erable response. The companies
[pop] behind the annoying advertise
ments [pop] will be placed on the
“second strike list.”
This list leads to restriction of
Web site size and accessibility for a
specific amount of time. The extent
of this punishment will be deter
mined by a specially created tribunal
that would handle all inadequacies
conceming Internet advertising.
The third strike [pop] warrants
more aggressive action.
Webmasters [pop], publicists
and, depending on the severity of the
offense, CEOs, will be arrested and
submitted [pop] for research help
ing to analyze the [pop] effects of
the excessive [pop] viewing of
pop-up ads.
Perhaps this [pop] scheme is a
[pop] little unrealistic. Maybe the
[pop] advertisers don’t realize the
hateful emotions some Internet users
[pop] are beginning to harbor for
their companies. Wliatever the case,
the pop-ups are going [pop] to have
to stop before [pop] we [pop] all
[pop] go [pop] insane, [pop]
Contact Jonathan Chapman at
pendutum@elon.edu or 278-
7247.
College students should plan their futures, not just plan to graduate
Bonnie Fitzpatrick
Columnist
Last week, my mom told me, “When peo
ple ask me what you’re majoring in, Bonnie, I
tell them snowboarding, ice hockey and horse
back riding.” Sadly, this is more than accurate.
Going into the last .semester of college, the
most tangible examples
of my "education” are
ice hockey medals from
the state games, some
old plane tickets to
Colorado for a snow-
boiU'ding trip and some
blue ribbons hanging in
my tack room. at my
horse stitble. One semes
ter I studied tanning and working out while I
worked and lived on the Florida coast.
Wliile in college, 1 can’t say that 1 took too
nuuiy classes. One semester 1 took eight hours,
the next semesters I took 12.1 took some inter
esting classes, too: Dance in Worship.
Canoeing and Literature, Creative Writing and
Mediation. I even l(xik a semester off.
When I returned to college the summer
Bonnie
Fitzpatrick
after my semester off, my only concern was to
graduate on time, regardless of how many
more hours than usual I would have to take or
how many interesting classes I would miss. I
didn’t care if I received a degree in creative
writing or in general studies; I was just going
to graduate in four years, period. It turns out it
can be done, but it is a big joke.
If your only goal in college is to graduate in
a certain period of time after not taking nearly
enough “real” classes, you are most definitely
not going to graduate with enough “real”
knowledge in one given area to feel mar
ketable in a struggling job economy.
I want to know if my whole education is
only about getting me in the door after gradu
ation. Do we all have to have a low-paying,
boring and dispensable job for a ye;ir or two
after college to learn what we should have
learned in college, or have the professors and
academic advisers lost touch with Jhe world
outside of the academic college bubble?
In order to set my goal in the right direc
tion, I gave all my educational aspirations to ;ui
adviser. Tliis adviser is someone who is sup-
pt)sed to help you obtain your dreams by
directing your education in the best way possi
Why don't we leam what we like to do and create jobs
around things we want to do, instead of getting herded into
the typical market?
ble. It seems reasonable to ask that you have
views similar to your adviser’s so they under
stand your intended career path. I had big
plans that I was going to do everything differ
ently than the typical college graduate. My
father never went to college, yet has earned a
living that put him into a higher than average
class.
From an early age, I decided I would get a
college education, but it would only be for
security. My $80,000 piece of paper would
show potential employers 1 was just as intelli
gent as the next Joe Schmo. With all my activ
ities and hobbies, there was no way I would
graduate college and get a 9-to-5 job in a cubi
cle when my horse is waiting and there is fresh
powder on the slopes. But how do you tell
your college advi.ser lhal all this prep;iration is
really never going to be of interest to you per
sonally, but thanks for all the help and
encouragement?
I think it is time we take our lives and our
future job desires into our own hands. Why
don’t we leam what we like to do and create
jobs around things we want to do, instead of
getting herded into the typical market the pro
fessors know? Instead of sitting around hop
ing to make the necessary contacts to develop
a life we want to live, we should go out and get
internships outside of our majors and not listen
wholeheartedly to advisers who don’t know
what we are Uiily capable of beyond the class
room walls. There is no reason to believe any
one of us could not find or create a job we will
be happy with after college, because after
graduation a degree is really nothing more
than an expensive piece of paper.
Contact Bonnie Fitzpatrick at pendu-
lum^elon.edu or 278-7247.