Bronco* Voicc
6cplcmbcr 1995
The Anal Retentive
Professor’s Final
Exam
Instructions: Read each question care
fully. Answer all questions. Time
limit: 2 hours. Begin immediately.
History: Describe the history of the
Papacy from its origins to the present
day, concentrating especially, but not
exclusively, on its social, political,
economic, religious and philosophical
impact on Europe, Asia, America and
Africa. Be concise and specific.
Medicine: You have been provided
with a razor blade, a piece of gauze,
and a bottle of scotch. Remove your
appendix. Do not suture until your
work has been inspected. You have
fifteen minutes.
Public Speaking: 2500 riot-crazed
aborigines are storming the classroom.
Calm them. You may use any ancient
language except Latin or Greek.
Biology: Create life. Estimate the dif
ferences in subsequent human culture
if this form of life had developed 500
million years earlier, with special at
tention to its probable effect on the
English Parliamentary System. Prove
your thesis.
Music: Write a piano concerto. Or
chestrate and perform it with flute and
drum. You will find a piano under your
seat.
Psychology: Based on your knowl
edge of their works, evaluate the emo
tional stability, degree of adjustment,
and repressed frustrations of each of
the following: Alexander of
Aphrodisis, Rameses II, Hammuarabi.
Support your evaluation with quota
tions from each man’s work, making
appropriate references. It is not neces
sary to translate.
Sociology: Estimate the sociological
problems which might accompany the
end of the world. Construct an experi
ment to test
your theory.
Engineering: The disassembled parts
of a high-powered rifle have been
placed on your desk. You will also find
an instruction manual, printed in
Swahili. In 10 minutes, a hungry
bengal tiger will be admitted to the
room. Take whatever action you
feel necessary. Be prepared to justify
your decision.
Economics: Develop a realistic plan
for refinancing the national debt.
Trace the possible effects of your plan
in the following areas: Cubism, the
Donatist Controversy and the Wave
Theory of Light. Outline a method for
preventing these effects. Criticize
this method from all possible points of
view. Point out the deficiencies in yoiu’
point of view, as demonstrated in your
answer to the last question.
Political Science: There is a red tele
phone on the desk beside you. Start
World War III. Report at length on its
socio-political effects if any.
Epistemology: Take a position for or
against truth. Prove the validity of your
stand.
Physics: Explain the nature of matter.
Include in your answer an evaluation
of the impact of the development of
mathematics on science.
Philosophy: Sketch the development
of human thought. Estimate
its significance. Compare with the de
velopment of any other kind of
thought.
General Knowledge: Describe in de
tail. Be objective and
specific.
SELF-DEFEATING
STATEMENTS
“I think all extremists should
be shot.,,
“I hate all those people who
make generalisations,,
“I used to be apathetic, but
now I just don’t care.,,
“I used to be indecisive, but
now I just don’t know.,,
“I’ve decided that I procras
tinate too much, but I’m going to
change that in a week or so.,,
“The sooner you fall behind,
the more time you have to catch
up.,,
“I used to be conceited, but
now I’m perfect.,,
“Once I thought I was wrong,
but I was mistaken.,,
“I’d give my right arm to be
ambidexterous.,,
“Thank God for atheism.,,
“I’m not conceited. Conceit is
a fault and I have no faults.,,
“I’m not arrogant, I’m just bet
ter than you.,,