Newspapers / Fayetteville State University Student … / Feb. 22, 2012, edition 1 / Page 6
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6 The Voice, For students, By Students February 22, 2012 issuu.com/fsuvoice Staying for the Good Times A Portrait of Intimate Partner Violence By Allie Bayat 1 was angry ail the time. 1 wasn’t myself. The anger, hurt and frustrations came in waves. According to the Department of Justice, non-fatal intimate partner violence (IPV) has declined since 1993. The statistics seem promising, but for someone that is affected by violence it’s frightening. The first time it happened to me 1 didn’t even realize what was happening. 1 found myself in a violent relationship fueled by alcohol and rage. 1 knew all the statistics. I knew all the signs, but it managed to con sume my life. Within weeks of beginning my relationship I sat curled in a comer with a shotgun in my face. My life was heading in a good direction. 1 felt carefree, and successful. 1 wasn’t lonely or bored. He was always there. He said and did all the right things at first. Soon I was liv ing with his logic. Everything I knew to be right was turned upside and substituted for his sense of the world. He would guilt me or mock me “normal people don’t think like you,” he said. “I’m not educated like you. I’m normal and you’re not.” If I questioned anything I was “crazy,” or “unreasonable.” If I didn’t drink with him 1 wasn’t a good girl- fnend. If I didn’t make dinner I wasn’t a good mother. He had his “demons” but the rage was di rected at me. He’d get drunk. I’ll never forget the day he told me our puppy had served its purpose. I could hear him in the back yard. I heard the clink, thud and a yelp. I felt this cold horrible feeling inside the pit of my stomach. He came in with a grin telling me he did what had to be done. He saw the hor ror on my face and laughed as he informed me I was being “a stupid b...” He didn’t harm the puppy. He was trying to scare me. It wasn’t long before I was on my knees in the backyard at the end of that shovel. When he was drinking it was fimny to him, to see me afiaid. I stayed. I should have left then. After months of emotional and psychologi cal abuse I found myself face down in the driveway of my home. The memories come in flashes. I awoke to lights blinking, my face in the gravel and his feet kicking the side of my head. He dragged me by my hair to clean up before the police arrived, threatening, if I got him arrested. After the police left I walked into my bathroom, feeling the aches and pains, but nothing compared to the face I saw in the mirror It wasn’t me. My face was a purple, bloated and bruised. My eyes and lips where black and purple, swollen shut. My back and legs were swollen and painful. I could barely walk. My head ached. 1 couldn’t eat or drink. He blamed me for everything. As drunk as he was, he had his story ready to explain it away. I was in a haze. I changed how I looked to keep the criticism away. He didn’t like my style, my looks, and my attitude. He criti cized my education, the things that interested me, the places and people I liked. He even criticized my thoughts and opinions. My school and work suffered. I was angry all the time, unhappy, and ashamed. It wasn’t a slow progression. It happened hard and fast. It took over my life before I had a chance to even realize what was happening. I stayed for the good times, thinking that if only he wasn't drinking, or if only he found stability and peace, then maybe we’d have good times again. But when the good times came I didn’t even recognize them anymore. I barely recog nized myself I didn’t tell anyone. “Violence between intimates is difficult to measure —because it often occurs in private, and victims are often reluctant to report inci dents to anyone because of shame or fear of reprisal,” according to the Bureau of Justice Statistics. I knew real fear the last time he hit me as I lay face down in my living room. He repeat edly stomped on the back of my head. I felt myself begin to lose consciousness. Only an ger got me through that night. It was the first time I stood up to him. It was the first time 1 told anyone. The support helped me through that night. It was the first time I let him know I would fight back anyway I had to. “You may not realize it, but the impact of IPV can reach far beyond the actual or threat ened abuse...You may have more physical health problems, mood problems, and may also affect your job or career,” according to the United States Center for PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). There was no hope for me until I spoke up and got help. Courstey o/femalemagination.wordpress.com Domestic Abuse Help Nortti Carolina Coalition Against Domestic Wdence (NCCADV) CARE- Family Domestic Violence Program 1225 Ramsey St. Fayetteville, NC 28301 Office; (910) 323-4187 Crisis: (910) 323-4187 Fax; (910) 677-2661 CumlMriaiid County Mental Health Center 711 Executive Place Fayetteville, NC 28305 National Domestic Vioience Hotline Phona: (800) 799-SAFE (7233) Web: thehotline.org Black History Month Anna Lee We all know about MLK anci Harriet Tubman. But what about other underrated African American figures? Across 3 Invented telephone transnnitter 4 Female astronaunt 8 Made the first pyramids 10 First African American to be nominated for Best Actress 12 She created hair care products 15 Famous tennis player Down 1 His idea helps us know what time it is 2 Founded the first AME church 5 He invented the stoplight 6 He sketched the filament for lightbulbs 7 Created a surgery to improve eyesight 9 The Supersoaker watergun 11 First Af^rican American Nobel Peace Prize Winner 13 The Talented Tenth 14 Fastest woman of all time (nickname) Answers on page 13 VISION CEISTTH?. A NATIONAI VISION EVECARE CENTBi LOCATED ONU' IN WAL-MAKT Paul GuUotti Store Manager 1550 Skibo Rd. FayetteviUe, NC 28303 Phone (910) 868-8727 Fax (910) 864-9254 Now accepting FSU student insurance for glasses and contacts. Bring in this ad for a FREE cleaning cloth.
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Feb. 22, 2012, edition 1
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