Cougar Cry
Page 13
AXADAAXe A/mue MOON'S
ttORoseopes
‘f’a&vuaty 1000
Aquarius (January 20- February 18): Your obsession with Mr. Rogers has gone beyond
a healthy crush. And no, he doesn’t need any more love slaves.
Pisces (February 19- March 20): Your refusal to use soap has caused quite a scare.
The neighbors are talking.
Aries (March 21- April 19): The day of love has you in distress. Have no fear. Eat
plenty of fiber and keep your nose hairs well trimmed. Things will go your way.
Taurus (April 20- May 20): An unfortunate and unexpected fire plagues your resi
dence. But, look on the bright side. Aren’t you glad you stored your beef jerky stash in
that flame retardant box underneath your bed?
Gemini (May 21- June 20): If you haven’t played the video game Crazy Taxi yet, buy it.
If you already have it, feed the addiction. If you play long enough, maybe you can talk
like a valley girl, too.
Cancer (June 21- July 23): There are those that have and those that have-not. You,
my friend, are a have-not. This month, you are marked a loser. Have fun with it. Hang
out in the game room.
Leo (July 24- August 22): You’re never going to get a Valentine’s date if you keep
picking your scabs like that.
Virgo (August 23- September 22): Too much camouflage is not good for anyone. Nei
ther is paisley, floral prints, or plaids. Get rid of all the offensive patterns in your ward
robe, and maybe you can make some friends.
Libra (September 23- October 22): So you want to fight like Bruce Lee? Give up now.
The closest you’re ever going to get is a life like the Ninja Turtles... and they were just
little amphibians who ate pizza.
Scorpio (October 23- November 21): Sit on the porch, drink a cup of Maxwell House,
and throw your cares to the wind. Your life will immediately take on the ease of those in
the commercials.
Sagittarius (November 22- December 21): The ducks in the parking lot are just begging
for you to spend some time with them, but all they really want is your food. Be sure to
hide your packed lunch or it just may disappear.
Capricorn (December 22- January 19): How does it feel to be so inadequate? Red
Kool-Aid helps.