Cougar Cry Page‘ Econo Guide to Valentines Day By: Mark Shumate First off, being a college student unfortunately means being broke. That is where I come in to help out with these great holiday money saving tips. Let's start with the most expensive part of Valentine's Day: a dozen roses. No problem: simply do not order the flowers and act surprised when she does not receive any. For added effect, call up a friend under the guise of calling the flo rist and let him have a good cursing about the non delivery of flowers. If he is indeed a friend and of aver age intelligence, he will pick up fast and the two of you will share a good laugh about it later. At least this will put it right with your significant other. She will think, "How sweet. He didn’t forget. Too bad the florist screwed up." Now don’t be a total cheapskate. Go out the next day and have two dozen flowers delivered to her. This will cost about one tenth of the Valentine’s Day price. Now for the dinner. Practical thinking and good skills of persuasion will enable you to talk your significant other into celebrating Valentine's Day a little later in the week so as to avoid the long lines, waits, and the tempers that flare under these conditions in the restaurants and other places you may choose to go. There is always some jerk telling someone else off because he had to wait in line or for his food. Now with the delayed date of celebration you can only buy one gift for the actual Valentine's Day. The rest can be bought the day after Valentine's at 50% off or more for the delayed celebration date. This means one of two things: 1. You can buy her twice the stuff for less money. 2. Buy her the same amount of stuff like I would and pocket the savings. Now to a more serious side of the evening delayed or not. Do not forget the condoms. STD's do not stop spreading even for this wonderful day of love. When going swimming, always get permission first, swim with a buddy, swim only in designated swimming areas, and always wear the proper swimming gear. Remember that today's waters have more pollutants and toxins than Mike Tyson has personality defects. Top 10 phrases men shouldn’t say to their date on Valentine's Day: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 8. 9. 10 “And for dinner I've got us reservations at Hooters." (at the end of the date) '‘Darn, I forgot, my parents have already activated the alarm system. Can I sleep at your house tonight.” “Guess what? The Man's Show’ showed me how to make birth control chocolate." “Oops! You got some spaghetti sauce on your skirt. Let me get that.” “It’s a good thing I’m wearing my lucky boxers.” “No that wasn't my ex-girlfriend, that was my umm.. .cousin.” “Gee, what a coincidence that the car ran out of gas in front of this hotel.” “No, the Lamborghini isn’t my car. Mine's the old... Well, yea, yea, the Lamborghini is mine. Wanna go for a ride?" “Dang, your sister is hot!” (when double dating) “Oops! It's midnight. Time to switch dates." By: Kyle Godwin Ode to the Lonely By: Lacie Lyon My memories of you go by like rows of butterflies on crutches. We were the blind desperately unbuttoning the blind, lost in the blur of the forbidden. Until your voice, like the shock of cold water, ripped my heart out and beat it like a stray dog, into your front porch. Suddenly, my life was invaded by a drunken synchro- nized-swim team of emotions... As the book of my soul began to fill with coffee rings. Now I know that my life is a only metaphor, for some thing infinitely worse - But your cruelty can never keep its freshness. One day, your beauty too, will be gone like lost socks from a dryer. To: Mathew Lowder The sun goes around, A life of love Wont you give me your delicate touch You are the one that I adore Please give me a chance and so much more I'll give you the moon I'll give you the stars I'll give it all, for a valentines kiss