J-a&vuMy 2002
Aries (March 21 - April 19)
A man with a mystical yet some how tortured expression will stop you on the street, and ask
you for blueberry jelly. If you carry a jar with you, and surprise him, you will make his life seem
worthwhile.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
If a wolf is chasing your sleigh, throw him an oatmeal cookie. That, of course, is a metaphor for
what will really happen.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
You will win 12,000 cases of peanut brittle, on a call-in game show. That's a LOT of peanut
brittle, as it turns out.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
A creature from the 7th dimension will become attached to your leg, and will be impossible to
remove. Eventually, you'll simply get used to it. Just do not feed it after midnight.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Excellent day to blow soap bubbles in unusual places. See if you can get them to drift by peo
ple who are thinking too hard.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You will have an odd dream in which a stadium filled with pigs looking on while a group of wiry
male runners chases a bunny around a track. The bunny will be the future Miss July, I believe.
Just a guess!
Libra (September 23 - October 22)
A tricky situation will arise, but you will rise to the challenge and draw it to a timely conclusion.
Oddly though, you will hit upon the right thing to do by suddenly recalling an old Gilligan's Island
episode.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
A Martian creature named Tisi, who is more than ten thousand years old with the disposition of
a cranky two-year old child, is hiding under your house. That's where the raisin-cookles have
been going. She eats them while sitting o^your toilet.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
You will begin making strange facial expressions, completely unconsciously, in which you push
your lips out as far as possible. Also, you will begin spending hours staring at tropical fish.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 20)
A member of your family will be involved in a tragic accident with an electric nose-hair trimmer.
This will affect your attitude towards product liability lawsuits.
Aquarius (January 21 - February 18)
Today is an especially bad day to try something-new involving explosives. Try to keep a low
profile. And remember after you light the firework. Throw the darn thing!
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
You will spend another entire month worried about your feet. But honestly, most people don't
notice these things. On the other hand, most people don’t spontaneously grow flippers, either.