Faculty Crap
Game Wed.
hohokus, d. q. 1
FACULTY CRAP GAME - - - HEY, HEY
ENTERTAINING AND
VARIED PROGRAM
PRESENTED COURT
Hs Nibs, Bulling on Vandalism
of His Subjects, Razzed
by Court.
TRI - SESQUICENTENNIAL
Gallic Humor of Jimmy the Jester—
Lady Maude's Mishap With
a Banana Peel.
King Raymond the Last held court
here tonight to bull on the least im
portant issues that abound in his do
main.
At precisely seven-thirty a blare of
saxophones was heard and the king en
tered the gilt room of Founder's pal
ace, breaking up the crap game just as
Sir William of Cranford was in the act
of throwing a seven with loaded dice,
which would have deprived Lord Suiter
of his pants.
Tripping lightly across the floor the
king unsuspectingly came in contact
with a banana peel which Lady Maude
had lately discarded, and executed a
perfect acrobatic stunt of the kind Sir
John gets from his proteges when he
is having them exhibit their skill in
front somersaults. The king landed
with such force that every hair on his
head shook. His royal dignity shaken,
he picked himself up and climbed his
throne.
To appease his hurts he called (or
entertainment and Sir Max of "ah cu
pella" fame responded with his royal
symphony. After an eon of screeching
they ended the selection with only a
minor easuality, Sir Max getting his
wrist tangled up with his elbow.
Bringing the court to order, Lord
Samuel called on the gods to bless our
King and his domain, but it was doubt
ful that they heard him, because of the
noise that Philip the Gallant made,
coming in late, as usual.
His majesty proceeded with a disser
tation on the evils practiced among his
subjects, especially the destruction of
the natural beauty of the campus by
the promiscuous plucking of daisies.
Before the jeers which followed his
oration had faded the Princess Ernes
tine took remote eontrol of the situa
tion with many words intermingled
with a goodly collection of "ahs," ar
gued that it was not daisies, but violets,
which were being snitched, and that
most of these grew in the graveyard.
This outburst was greeted with a
vicious snicker from J. Willie, the Black
Night, who had been reminded of some
villainous escapade of his younger
days. A dull red ran across his fea
tures and tried to hide under the few
remaining hairs of his head when the
Princess cast upon his a withering
glance in which one eye turned North,
the other East.
Jimmy the Jester covered up the
faux pas nicely with a risque French
joke which brought down the houße,
even the fair maid, Dorothy.
After bringing the court to disorder
once more, his royal nibs gave the floor
and part of the ceiling to Prince Clyde
for a summation of the destructive
program which is in process of getting
in the way—under way, that is—before
the celebration of the sesqui-centen
nial.
With much wriggling of the Chaplin
(Please turn to Page Four —or don't,
why should we caret)
Yellow Fever Edition
Gy THE sz>
GUILFORDIAN
JUNIOR-SENIOR
TURKEY DAY FEATURE
The program committee for the Jun
ior-Senior Prom has announced its ten
tative plans for Guilford's most gala
social event. Everything possible is be
ing done to make this a memorable oc
casion in the life of the present Guil
ford students. In order to celebrate
the vietory over Elon the country's
foremost collegiate prom will take
place in the gymnasium on Thanksgiv
ing night from 9 o'clock to 4 a. m.
Elaborate plans are being made for
decorative effects. Interior decorators
from New York are working day and
night transforming the already beauti
ful interior of the gym into a virtual
fairyland.
The committee remains undecided as
to the orchestras that will furnish the
music. They are deadlocked between
the combination of Guy Lombardo and
Don Redman and that of Isham Jones
and Cab Calloway.
For entertainment the committee pro
poses to arrange to have the Four Mills
Brothers, Father Connelly, and the
Ziegfeld chorus.
Refreshments (legal) will consist of
gallons and gallons of genuine pre-war
sarsaparilla, cavier, artichokes, and hot
dogs (with onions).
L. G. Balfour, the nation's leading
collegiate jewelers, will furnish the
favors. The nature of these favors is
supposed to remain a secret, though it
is rumored that they will be gold-plated
cigarette lighter vanities for the ladies
and hammered silver flasks for the gen
tlemen.
The choice of ehaperones is still a
matter of some concern. For an affair
of this sort discretion must be used by
the committee. The result may be that
all the faculty members will be asked
and then again they may be slighted
altogether.
KING STEPHEN PLEASED
WITH COLLEGE YODELERS
Dramatic Gestures of Conductor De
light Men and Tenord of Howl
ing Section.
FUMBLES A PASS FROM CENTER
The choir this year has a full quota
of voices, beautiful choristers, men, and
tenors, too. "Der Herr Max" is well
pleased with his bunch of yodelers. As
he stands in front of them he makes an
imposing figure. Suddenly without ap
parent rhyme or reason, a snake-like
TS—TB —TS—ss—ss breaks up the lit
tle two-sided conversations and the
choir is ready(f) to sing(f). Miss Gail
gives a sort of buzz, which is somehow
interpreted, and "le Conducteur" begins
to push the air from in front of him.
How wonderful this conglomeration
of sounds, how beautiful the forty
gaping mouths. All at once, drawing a
very deep breath, King Max more stren
uously, less seriously, moves the right
hand fore and aft. Then just as sud
denly does he draw back cringingly, as
if afraid of the loudness which his pre
vious action has provoked. There he
poses, with hands in position to receive
a quick pass from center, but it's a
false alarm. He is soon the same
old(t) "Herr Director" and the re
mainder of the piece is sung without
a catch. Methinks it is well rendered,
and King Stephen looks also satisfied,
but just as the boys and girU are going
strongest, he cuts them off with a mo
tion of the hand signifying "Oh, you're
rotten."
GUILFORD COLLEGE, N. C„ NOVEMBER 23, 19,12
Mr. Omtny Ikmiy, who is reported ill
with a loud on hi I'hest. Hello, is this
Omtny Iksay? No—it's General Evan
geline Booth of the Salvation Army!
Oh. well ....
MR. IKSAY EXPOSES
YELLOW FEVER EVILS
Notorious High Pointite Gets
Load on Chest As Result
of Vital Concern.
H. SAWORTH INTRODUCES
Ham Saworth thrust his hand between
the first anil aecond buttons of his coat
anil introduced Mr. Onitay Iksay, of
High Point. Mr. Iksay spoke 011 the
alarming symptoms of moral disinte-
gration at our dear old Alma Mater.
Mr. Iksay arose, distended his chest,
and began spouting morals in a culti
vated voice—a voice cultivated in the
charming rock garden behind his .beau
tiful home in High Point. "I am al
ways glad to visit your good folk at
Guilford College," he began. The stu
dent body prepared for a morning
beauty nap, and soon lusty snores were
heard.
In his vivid and energetic manner,
Mr. Iksay attacked "certain symptoms
of moral degeneracy" at Guilford. He
(Continued 011 Page Three)
CAMPUS CALENDAR
November 21st
Tiddlewink tournament between
New South and New North, 3 p.m.
Tea served afterwards.
November 23rd
Banquet for Ed Shaen and Helen
Stilson at 7:30 p. m.
November 25th
Poker game in Old North at C
a. m.
Bridge tournament in New South
at 6:30 p. m.
Shag contest between New Gar
den and Pounders in Men's Center
at 8:00 p. m. Judges, R. Binford
and C. Pleasant.
November 26th
Hickory nut throwing contest
for New North (Williams and Cox's
windows to be used as a target). To
start at 1:00, p. m.
Debate between Mrs. Moore and
"Ben" Bezanson at all three meals.
Square dance nt the College Barn.
Music by "Kay" Bowen and his
Royal Guilfordians.
FESTIVE SCENE IN THE
COLLEGE DINING ROOM
"Let the pigs in!"
At this command the head-waiter
rushes to open the door and is almost
trampled to death by Rasely and Shaen,
who rush madly to reserve the two
Yank's tables.
"Shaen, pass those troughs around so
we can get started early," Rasely says as
he gazes lustily at the food. Shaen
complies with his wishes and all is quiet
on the Yankee front till later.
The rest of the boys' receiving line
scurry to get the seats next to the
kitchen where everything is served
twice. Trailing these boys come a few
deserving girls, who have with great
struggle been able to reach the dining
room on time. On seeing an ant slowly
crawling around the sugar, one little
horrified girl demands a new jar of
sugar. The waiter takes the sugar
bowl to the back of the room, dusts
the ant off, and brings the bowl back.
Looking strangely out of place,
"Hank" Turner sits in the girls' section
of the dining room. By the side of
Priscilla White's seat there is an empty
seat. One little freshman coming in
late espies this choice seat and wends
his way towards it. Pris. looks at him
apologetically and sweetly drawls, "It's
for Char—lie."
Carl Jones ambles toward an empty
seat at "Bill" Hire's table. "Bill" being
a true southern gentleman, shakes hands
with him and sees that he gets prop
erly seated. As his numberous friends
pass his table "Bill" gives cordial bows
to all.
A guzzling noise is heard from the
stag tables. Evan Brown is amusing
his childish self by flipping chocolate
pudding at Winder. Ed Shaen is in
the midst of some big story and is so
excited that lie tips a glaßs of water
(Continued on Page Two)
LIST OF INTERESTING
NEW BOOKS IN LIBRARY
Standard Magazines Also Acquired;
Broadway, Ballyhoo, Paris Nights,
and Others.
SWAIM ON THE 18th AMENDMENT
With the publication of the Yellow
Fever edition comes the announcement
from the Ijberry Staff that there are
many new magazines and books avail
able for student use. The list of peri
odicals will astonish the students for
they can have no idea of the quality
of such magazines 011 the list, namely:
Broadway, Ballyhoo, Hot Dog, Snappy
Stories, Paricssian Nites, Bunk, Smoke
House Weekly, Breezy Stories, Artist
and Models, and Western Stories. This
last magazine was gotten for the sole
use of Horace Rasely; he likes his
Cannon Fodder.
The list of new books will hold the
fellows spell-bound, and also the gals.
Some of the latest are "Three Weeks"
by Elinor Glyn, "The Stray Lamb" by
Margaret Perkins, "Why We Should
Repeal the 18th Amendment" by Cur
tis Swaim, "Are You Trying to Be Fun
ny" by Ernestine Milner, "Geology V
as a Certain Cure for Insomnia" by
Dr. Raymond Binford, "Co-operation,"
by Charles Biddle and Priscilla White,
"Freshman Girls The Hows and
Whys" by Frank Allen, "The Crooner"
by Hap Purnell, "The Ladies" by J.
Witmer Pancoast, "TJnexpurgated Edi
tion of the Decameron" (fully illus
trated) by Boccocio.
Boxing Match
Shine vs. Perisho
FIRST AND LAST
DISHING THE DIRT
ON HALLOWEEN HOP
AT HAUNTED HOUSE
"What-a-Man" Rasely Gives
Fine Exhibition of Wrestling
At New Garden.
PUTRID STUNTS GIVEN
Gentleman (?) at the Keyhole Gives
Other Torrid Features of Hal
loween Party.
The Halloween party out at the old
haunted house turned out to be a big
success. Some of our more serious
minded instructors were present, wear
ing brilliant costumes and a far-from
serious expression on their faces, show
ing that they lmd entered into the
spirit of Halloween.
Some of the guys were there with
their gals, and some of the wise guys
were there with some other guys' gals.
That cream-puff tackle from New Jer
sey was present with his one and only,
the college widow, known to most of us
as Sally. She sure looked young and
flighty in those white pants. Plin
Mears and that Brown Guy were the
self-appointed big shots. Brown was
in all his glory.
He turned out to be the most dnring
gigolo Now if he could only cook.
There was planty of food for all until
"Bad-Face" Bouton and Ed Shaen, the
big sissy, spotted the peanuts, and then
it was just too bad.
Then there was that guy with the
"lip-spinach" who was hanging close
to Louise. He seemed to he walking
around in a daze. But theyi do tell me
that since then that flame has died out.
Too bad, Bob, but now maybe you'll
be able to get more sleep.
And we must not forget those gosh
nwful stunts. Some of them were right
good, but others were putrid. After
this display of wit and humor, our
head cheerleader was called upon to
lead the gathering in a few lusty Hoo
rahs, but he and that baby-faced gal
from Asheboro had scrammed. They had
chosen to seek out their own enjoy
ment whispering sweet bits of non
sense into each other's ear. Aside to
Frankie, "Why don't you marry the
gait"
After awhile 10 o'clock rolled around
an 10 o'clock will do, and all the little
co-eds had to go in for their beauty
sleep. Lo, the walk back was begun.
We lingered long enough to make
sure that Carl Jones, in the company
of that dark Fortune Teller, was safe
ly in her Ford and starting to go
places. Don't, worry, Bad-Eye, we wont
tell where you went.
After we got back to the college, we
browsed around to East Porch, where
plenty of hent was being radiated, and
some very fine wrestling was progress
ing. And over 011 the porch at New
Oarden "What-a-Man" Rasely, with his
heart-throb from Winston, was doing a
very fine piece of wrestling himself.
Matt had a soulful look in his eyes.
Further snooping brought no results,
so we decided to go back to the dorm
and try to sleep off that awful stomach
ache fsom eating too darn many pea
nuts.