Page Two
THE YELLOW FEVER
Edite4 and Published Once Every Four
Year# by Members of the "Third
International" at Guilford
College, North Carolina
Entered as doubtful matter by the
Post Office at Hoboken, New Jersey.
Editor-in-Chief ....not "Frankenstein"
Business Manager, .not "White Zombie"
Reporters You'd Be Surprised
Guilford students, nevermore
Let yellow fever scare ye;
Who gripes at this has worse in
store,
So give a long RAZZBERRY.
CHORUS : Pft! Pft! Pft! Pft!
So give a loud RAZZBERRY!
11th Century Ballad.
The Yellow Fever
With this issue, the staff brings
forth its illegitimate brain child—
THE YELLOW FEVER SHEET. Herein
you will find news about everyone;
distinguished members of the fac
ulty and lowly freshman. None
are spared. It has been "iayed on
thick" in several instances. It
might be that some will take of
fense. We hope that this will not
be true. The spirit of the whole
affair is as the spirit of a world
weary, work laden staff on a
Roman Holiday. We fought to
keep your paper for you last year
when some would dispense with it.
We have worked this year to raise
its standards. For the first time
in history the GUILFORDIAN has not
added a cent to the debt that grew
year after year under preceding
managements. No red marks have
been added to the wrong side of
the ledger.
After such a valiant effort is it
not only fair that we should take
one issue and cut. up a hit with it 1
It is our only means of enjoying
ourselves at your expense and at
the expense of each other, for you
will notice that even fellow'mem
bers on the staff have taken it on
the chin. We know that some
would have misunderstood and we
take this mean of eclaircissement.
And after reading this, if you are
still sore about getting the rasp
berry in the YEI.LOW FEVER, we
can only say that we are very, very
sorry and that we take it all back.
(Oh, yeah?)
The Grape
Our Tri-Centurian—Over-Seer
of the Mentorial Manor, came out
with the most astonishing state
ment in chapel the other morning,
lie had stolen a grape off of his
Aunt's back porch many years ago,
and his conscience has been hurt
ing him ever since; hence the con
fession. To put things in a nut
shell, his past was catching up with
him, so to speak; else we never
would have had such an outburst
of passion by our Financial
Wizard.
Last spring we had the most
auspicious vacation in the history
of the college, but the time off this
past summer was without doubt
the winner of all such lapses.
When we returned we found that
our Beloved Economist had broken
into our closets by smashing the
locks, yet the fellows had procured
permission to lock their belongings
in those dungeons where the rats
play tag at night and the moths lay
eggs in good clothes. Our clothes
and other personal belongings were
strewn fore and aft, and gave all
the appearances that '' Moses'' had
thrown a forward pass to John the
Baptist and that the latter in going
over the goal line had hit our beau
tiful mahogany bedstead And lost,
his personal attire.
Our once radiant palace of sun
shine was now a dismal—blat'khole
with' spider webs hanging in many
forms from the ceiling. The floor
was covered with a gray blanket
called dust in which our worldly
possessions helped to absorb.
Imagine our disgust with such a
leader.
The college has the right to enter
our rooms if they so desire but
they do not have the right to break
into our things and leave them
strewn around so as any one can
come into our rooms and help them
selves.
In that respect they are no bet
ter than a "second-story" man of
one of our large cities.
We do not blame the feiiows that
our Financial Wizard hired to do
the "job," but we most certainly
blame him for letting such a thing
No two fellows in College can
afford to lose nearly SIOO worth of
their possessions, yet such was liie
case. What will the Tri-Centurion
say? Nothing, for he knows what
has been said is true.
The Honor System
Honesty at Guilford College is
a thing of the past when it comes
to final exams. We are not kidding
ourselves when we say that the pro
fessors have the honor and the stu
dents have the system. The stu
dents don't meet their professors
halfway and never will till they
get over the idea of just passing a
course and not trying to get any
thing out of it that will ne a bene
fit to them in the future. The fu
ture seems to be the thing farthest
from their minds.
The honor system seems to have
lost its purpose. It should have
been something big, something
when you look back to, you could
point to with pride and feel that it
was a job well done. Yet it is not
the case, for the students here are
not giving it a chance to help de
velop their charcters to a higher
level of honesty.
It is a known fact that certain
students will congregate in the
basement of King Hall while exams
are on and a.sk one another en
lightening questions that will help
them pass their particular course.
They do not seem to realize that
they are doing themselves an in
justice as well as their professor.
Their idea is to get through by
hook or crook, regardless of what
the faculty opinion may be of
them.
The professor is your leader who
is trying to make a real man or
woman out of you, it' you will only
give him the chance. He does his
best to "play ball" with you in a
fair and square way. What do
you do? Nothing but do your level
best to do him by the preparation
of elaborate ponies to be used in
helping you to pass this or that
exam.
It is a known fact that a certain
professor who had just finished
writing out his final and locked it
THE GUILFORDIAN
safely in his car had the exam
lifted in a most glorious manner
by three students when he was
visiting another of the fellows in
the dorm. What happened? Why,
those three vandals got underneath
his ear, shoved up the floor boards,
and rolled dnvn a window so they
could unlock nis car. It is needless
to say that they git the exam. That
night, bull sessions were in prog
ress iu both the men's and women's
dorms. Even then certain students
eouldn't pass the exam even though
they had fifteen hours to work on
it.
Later in the year this professor
happened to see one of those van
dals opening a cur by the same way
and remarked that he must have
gotten his exam by the same
method. The professor was right.
Today that fellow hasn't a job
for it is said that the college will
not give him a recommendation on
account of his past experiences of
lifting final exams. Do you want
to be in the same predicament
when you finish college? Well,
then think things over between
now and the last of January.
There are very few students in
college today who realize that the
seed of dishonesty once sown in col
lege will follow 7 you through life.
After you graduate from college
and try to get a position the first
thing they want to know about you
is, can you be trusted ? If you can't
your fate will be the same as the
fellow mentioned above unless you
can prove that the past opinions
were a mistake, which is generally
not' the case.
Freshmen, you are taking your
first final exams the last of Jan
uary. A good start will mean a
great (leal to you and even if a
course or two are flunked you'll be
the winner. The good-will of the
faculty and your fellow students
is something that every one in col
lege desires. Here is your chance,
don't throw it away. You will be
sorry afterwards.
Our Bell System
As Guilford College progresses in its
modernistic program, the executive of
the Institution deems it necessary to
change the system of bells to something
more modern and satisfactory—the cen
tury-old system.
Our previous system was too syste
matic and too many people got to class
on time—even "Hank" Turner got to
classes once in a while before they
were half over. The Profs, weren't
having enough work to do marking up
tardy cuts, according to the enormous
salaries they receive.
Not enough classes were cutting the
Prof, if he was five minutes late—now
it works perfectly.
No time was lost explaining to the
Prof, the "Why" or "How come" you
were late. And, you know, wasting time
is a requirement of an A grade modern
school.
An electric system was not expensive
enough—it is much more expensive to
pay a person for liis perfectly good
time to rush over to Founders and ring
the Old Stand-By.
There is one advantage of the new
system: more people sleep through
breakfast and go to less classes—too,
there is no battery to be charged just
once in a great while—it is much easier
to wind a clock every night. There i 9
also the possibility of lengthening the
hours of the bell-ringer (for 45 more
dollars), provide him with ye old brass
lantern and bugle so that he may tell
the hours all through the night. All
Is Weill
QUAKER. QuiPft
Buenos dios, amigos! We greet you
officially for the first time as the new
Quips editor. May our regime be as
successful as our predecessor's!
Election being over, we can all sit
back and allow the incoming party to
disperse Old Men Depression. After
all the pre-election ballyhoo they cer
tainly don't need any help. And all
this goes to show of just how much
value college straw votes are. Despite
all the more or less ridiculous showing
of enthusiasm in the chapel on the
morning of the vote, the real election
returns surprised no one (except the
Mears).
And here's one for you to figure out.
Little Hamilton Moore was born in Bel
gium at 1:30 p. in., yet the news of her
birth was in the noon edition of the
Kansas City papers on the Bame day.
Up at Carleton College in Minnesota
the "leggers" are called "apple pol
ishers."
One of the freshmen sent for a lot of
salesman's sample Xmas cards which he
plans to use personally.
In a chapel exercise at Catawba on
Friday, October 21 the famous "Uncle
Cliarlie" Moran said that he is still
coaching because he "enjoys coaching
Southern boys." Take a look at the pro
gram of the G. C.-Catawba game. On
the starting line-up we find Miller at
left guard. He comes from Pennsyl
vania. Vaniewsky, the center, is from
New Jersey. Williams, at right guard,
lives in Illinois. Garland, at right tackle,
hails from New York. Quarterback Wit
mer is another Pennsylvanian. Big old
Appanaitis, at right half, calls Illi
nois home, and Cesareo, the fullback, is
another Jerseyite. Of the squad of 20
on the program five men are from
Pennsylvania, two from New Jersey,
three from Illinois, and two from New
York.
So, "Unk," old boy, we say—HOOEY!
The great scientist, Einstein, says:
"School is to develop first of all the
man, the character —and not merely his
brains." (We still can't find an excuse
for the co-eds.)
Just to carry on the erusade—the
curtains are STILL upside down in the
students' parlor. (Won't somebody
please do something about that?)
"The Lenoir-Rhynean" printed an
article on the disappearance of Joe
Bear, Lenoir-Rhyne's mascot, on the
night of the L.-R. —G. C. game. We'd
like to suggest that they question their
cooks. Those sandwiches they fed the
team after the game were tough enough
to have been bear—or armadillo!
Just to add to your collitch educa
tion :
Opium is used to cure colic; Elon was
founded in 1889 (a mere infant); Ein
rich Frivoldszkey was a Hungarian
naturalist and was born at Satoraljouj
hely in 1799. (Who cares?) The Star-
Spangled Banner is on page 248 of the
Hymnal for American Youth. E. C.
T. C.'s coach went to Guilford. Nor
man Thomas carried five universities in
Meet Her at the
Greene Street Drug
Friendly, Courteous, Efficient Service
WELCOME, STUDENTS
124 South Greene Street Greensboro, N. C.
November 23, 1932
The Water System
This being the time of Thanksgiv
ing, it is only meet and right that we
should give due consideration to some
thing that deeply concerns the lives of
all of us here at Guilford. We refer
to the water system. The deep artesian
wells, the efficient pumping equipment,
with its tireless engines, are the cyno
sure of all who behold them. These
ceaselessly throbbing pumps force the
clear, limpid water, sweeter than the
waters of Silonm, through the elaborate
intricacies of the brass piping with a
pressure comparable to that of the
Rocky Mountain jet which, when he
thrust his sword through it, broke the
arm of the soldier who was a member
of Fremont's exploiatory expedition to
California.
The bountiful supply of this ambrosia
of naturn is a delight to the godly, for
is not cleanliness next to godliness!
The sparkling transparency of this
liquid with which the powers that be
have seen fit to bless us recalls to mind
that earliest declension, which we, as
Latin students were compelled to learn.
Who does not remember "aqua puraf"
Aqua pura! The hot and weary trav
eler, creeping painfully and slowly
over the shimmering, sun-baked desert,
thirsts as does the panting hart after
living waters such as these. Living
waters have been likened unto truth,
and brightly beaming truth alone can
show that the waters are living.
Only the romantic past can furnish
us with instances of water and water
supplies equal to ours. The well of
Jacob is the ancient prototype of these,
our ever-gushing springs. Only the
aqueducts of the Eternal City, which
exist to this day, are comparable to our
water supply system. Niobe's tears
Were not so pure as these crystalline
liquors, nor were the waters of Babylon
as nearly living as ours are.
We should give thanks to the gods
who dwell on high Olympus for this,
their most plenteous giftito us.
FESTIVE SCENE IN THE
COLLEGE DINING ROOM
(Continued from Page One)
onto Mr. Renzanson, who is quite duly
alarmed.
At the faculty tnble Mr. Pancoast
and Miss Ricks seem to be the only
members of the faculty who were able
to get through the mob at the en
trance. finally the other members of
the faculty straggle in and begin their
daily wranglings about politics.
As the first, group of boys are leav
ing the dining room, they meet the
majority of girls just entering. They
look as if they have had to rush too
much, for they replace bobby pins and
fasten hooks as they comp in.
With the waiter's impatient looks as
a command, everyone rushes the meal
and file out of the dining room look
ing more tired then they did when they
entered.
We understand that the southern so
cial atmosphere is much too frigid for
a certain "femme la Jersey." Never
let this be said of southern gentlemen.
Fireman, warm this child.
straw votes. (Ha! Ha!) There are only
50 men in the state of New Jersey who
can enforce prohibition. There are a
lot- of back copies of Ladies' Home
Journal in the stack room. According
to the architects, Archdale Hall is the
most beautiful building on the campus.
The choir will be gone for 12 or 13
days on the trip up north. (Praise
Allah) The "co-eds" at N. C. C. W. are
called Tom Cats on their own campus.