-• GUILFORDIAN. November 18. 1980
Page two
Editorial
Screwed
By Dale Easley
Earlier this year I made the mistake of allowing myself to be
talked into going to see a freak show at a nearby fair One of the
freaks was a man in his mid-fifties whose arms and legs were
deformed grotesquely from birth. He was known as the Frogman. I
couple of carnies carried him in and set him by a microphone at a
table in front of the spectators. After adjusting the mike with his
mouth, he told of his six normal brothers and sisters. But with pride
he told us of the special ability he had developed, an ability unlike
that of anyone else in the world. The Frogman could roll a cigarette
and light it, using only his mouth.
As we watched, he opened a pack of rolling papers and took one
out. Opening a can of tobacco, he sprinkled some on the paper and
smoothed it out. All the time he used only his mouth.
Folding the paper over, the Frogman took it in his mouth and
rolled the cigarette. His supreme achievement was yet to come.
Laying down the cigarette, he took a wooden match between his
lips and struck it on the table Still holding the lighted match in
his mouth, he picked up the cigarette and lit it The performance
was ended.
I had wanted to leave before the end, yet I could not tear myself
away until the cigarette was lit. I couldn't walk out on the greatest
accomplishment of a man's life And I with my dollar for admission
contributed to the degradation of a spirit which I couldn't help
feeling was greater than those of us spectators.
Obviously, the Frogman deserves applause for finding a way of
supporting himself, for being strong enough to not withdraw his
distorted figure and hide in shame. But the society which puts such
a man on stage as a freak hardly deserves applause.
The question which keeps arising in my mind is, "How do we at
Guilford justify our continued ignorance of the suffering in the
outside world and spend our time discussing the poor quality of
food in the cafeteria or some vague concept called freedom, when
we could be out trying to straighten out this screwed-up world?
The Frogman may be called a freak, but we're the real freaks
who can somehow seem happy while suffering continues. I don t
understand it.
After leaving the fair I went out for a pizza.
Pizza 'round town
Feel like running out for a pizza or having a pizza run out for you?
Well, there are plenty of places in the area to get a pie at a wide
range of prices. If price is no problem and you want to go out for a
romantic evening of "pasta y vino", fly to Italy. If the jet is out of
commission, try the La Veranda Restaurant on the fifth floor of
Forum VI Mall. Also Sal's Italian Restaurant and Pizza can soothe
your desire for baked ziti or veal scaloppini. Sal's is located at 402
East Cornwallis Drive
If all you are looking for is a cheese pizza to go with your beer,
here are some names and prices that might help:
Price of Large Cheese Pizza
New York Pizza $5.00
Bill's Pizza Pub *5.20
House of Pizza 56.57
with delivery
Tony's Pizza $4 40
Pizza Hut (College Road) $5.75
Village Inn Pizza Parlor $4.95
Sarji's $5.90
Addresses can be found in the Yellow Pages.
Guilfordian
Editors Dale Easley, Jim Shields
News editor Barbaro Phillips
Features editor John Mottern
Photography editor Jack Mohr
Layout editors Gina Daviso, Susan Ide
Sports editor Mike Van Wogner
Business manager Mary Merritt
Circulation Frank Merritt, Mary Merritt
Copy Editors Linda Paul, Carolyn Welty
Typists Frances Alexander, Kathy Carlson
Writers "°y Parkhurst, John Steely, Linda Paul, Sue Hubley,
Bill McCathran, Joe Connors
The Guilfordion reserves the right to edit oil articles, letters, and artwork for
taste, veracity, and length. The deadline for all copy is 3:00 p.m. on the Satur
day preceding the Tuesday of publication. Material may be left on the office
door in upstairs Founders, or mailed to Box 17717. The opinions expressed by
the staff are their own and not necessarily those of the paper or of Guilford
Collegw.
Right makes for liberal flight
By O.L. Backer
"Look, up in the Senate!"
"It's a paranoid delusion!"
"It's a joke in poor taste!"
"No -- it's Senator Jester
Heems, Majority Leader!"
Seeing the new Senate Major
ity Leader emerge from the
Capitol building to cries of
wonder and dismay came as no
surprise to this columnist. I
had, after all, arranged to meet
him here for an exclusive inter
view. I was intrigued, though,
when the sun parted the clouds
to shine full, on the steps as he
descended. And I must admit
that I was impressed when he
walked across the Tidal Basin to
meet me.
It occurred to me that such a
display might be a reflection of
the Senator's belief in the
righteousness of his political
theories. Such a question,
though, would be inexcusably
crass. Naturally, it was my first
of the interview.
"I only want what's Right for
our country," intoned the Sena
tor, "as Cod gives me to see
that Right. And now I see our
country getting back on the
Right track."
"What are your legislative
priorities?" I wondered.
"Well, the press is making
much of my plans to cut back on
the food stamp program. What
they don't choose to realize is
that the money saved by eli
minating subsidies to deadbeats
will go to help the truly needy."
"Do you mean a larger
subsidy, enough to cover basic
necessities, for those who really
can't find work?"
"No, I mean the MX missile
and B-1 bomber for our woefully
weak Army and Air Force."
"Getting down to specifics,
Senator, could you explain how
the new conservative majority
in the Senate plans to fulfill its
' 'M, Letters to the Editor 1
*'J/k M Keep those letters coming; if s better to debate MI issue without J
settling H than to settle an issue without debating it. AH letten V
must be submitted by Friday, and should be no longer 200 worn J
p : in length. Letters can be left on the office door in upstafrs 1
|Founders, or mailed to Box 17717.
Sat. Suffering
Dear Editor:
I must commend the person
who had the brilliant idea of
holding classes on Saturday.
What an ingenious idea for
totally ruining a weekend For
years the administration was no
doubt a little upset because
students tried to avoid sche
duling classes on Friday, so
they could have a nice three day
weekend, after a very hectic and
nerve-wracking week of Guil
ford pressures. To solve this
problem of students making
convenient schedules, Guilford
introduced the Saturday class.
Saturday classes would be
fine if they were only electives.
However, Guilford chose to
have required courses held on
Saturday, just to make sure no
one could work out a perfect
schedule Any student who is
unfortunate enough to need of
these required courses auto
campaign theme of getting gov
ernment off our backs?"
About this time the interview
was interrupted by two middle
aged men in business suits and
wild-eyed looks, who dashed up
and began to foam at the
mouth. I immediately recog
nized them as two of the new
Conservative senators from the
Midwest.
"Mr. Conservative Leader!
We have now ready the con
stitutional amendments you or
dered, like on enforcing prayer
in the schools and especially on
prohibiting all abortions for
everyone!"
Sensing a potential contradic
tion, I asked, "How do you
reconcile the theme of reduced
government interference with
the stance of eliminating wo
men's freedom of choice on
such a personal moral ques
tion?"
At this, one of the newcomers
shrieked and leapt into the Tidal
Basin. The other shrilled,
"Where do you get the right to
ask such questions? Have you
been saved? Washed in the
blood of the lamb?!" He then
sank down writhing in a fit.
Senator Heems calmly ig
nored this spectacle. "Let me
remind you," he said, "that
we're talking about eliminating
government interference with
business.
"First, there are federal laws
which mandate certain safety
and health standards for work
ers in factories. These regula
tions cost money, which is an
unhealthy situation for business
growth They must therefore be
eliminated.
"Next, there are water and
air pollution control guidelines
which take funds that would
otherwise be available for capi
tal investment. They, too, must
matically has every weekend of
one semester ruined.
Congratulations to Guilford
for finding another way to make
the students suffer.
A Saturday Sufferer
Reagan responsible
Emerson, Thoreau, and now
Loren Eiselev are made folk
heroes and proclaimed great
thinkers because each of them
chose to base his own under
standing of the world on per
sonal experience and anecdote.
Each of those three men, I have
been told, humbly realized that
although he was not omniscient,
he is responsible to decide for
himself what he believes and
thinks.
In the November 11, 1980
issue of Guilfordian, the editor
ial criticized Ronald Reagan,
saying that "He has no intellec
tual framework from which to
"As a final example, there
are many potentially productive
acres of land being locked up in
so-called 'wilderness' areas. I
prefer to think of these as waste
areas. They strip our timber
industry of its Cod-given right
to clear-cut mountains, and turn
the trees into toilet tissue and
burger wrappers."
I wanted to ask the Senator if
he wasn't confusing good regu
lations with bad and throwing
the baby out with the bath
water. But the abortion men
were reviving, and I didn't dare
mention "babies" in their pre
sence. I thanked the Senator
and left.
As I passed through the
Capitol building, I noticed a dim
figure lurking in the shadows
behind a statue of Lincoln. He
seemed familiar, and I paused.
"Say, aren't you a surviving
liberal senator?"
"Shhh!!" He hopped fran
tically back and forth, and his
eyes shifted like those of a
trapped animal. "Don't say that
word so loud!"
"Why so worried?" I replied.
"Sure, they talk big, but won't
it really be just business/
politics as usual?"
"Don't be dense," he plead
ed. "This is a genuine 'Conser
vative' (reactionary) Majority,
and they're going to do every
thing they can get away with."
I began to worry a little
myself. "But if they mean it,
then how do we forestall the
dismantling of decades of social
progress? They've got the ma
jority, and at least two years to
use it."
A strange gleam came into
the fearful eyes, and he almost
grinned. He whispered, "It's
time for us progressives to stop
worrying and learn to love the
filibuster."
work. His epistology is organ
ized according to personal ex
perience and anecdotes."
As an actor, Ronald Reagan
has shown that he understands
human thought and emotion, a
trait needed by anyone who
would be a successful manager
of any kind As governor of
California, Mr. Reagan has
proven himself an adept and
capable manager, responsive to
the needs of his constituents
and true to his word. To me,
these seem rare and desirable
qualities in anyone who would
hold a responsible office.
Rather than limiting his under
standing, it seems that Mr.
Reagan has sought to broaden
his experience. What could be
better?
Perhaps, instead of claiming
that Reagan is unable to do the
job, we should wait to see what
he can do. Also, it might be nice
if someone would try to help
Letters cont. on page 3