Page 12
Entertainment
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by Iris B. Velvin
Entertainment Editor
So few people appreciate the fine art of
the insult. Most insults heard today are
unimaginative, boring, and largely
obscene. In fact, the most popular insults,
and the most boring have to do with the
morals of some relative. Such insults may
certainly offend, but they do not squelch. A
good insult is also a good squelch; ask
anyone who's ever been insulted by a
master.
Masters of the insult have prominent in
the past. Art, literature, and theatre have
given rise to many classic insults. Con
sider the sentiments in this epigram
translated from the early Roman poet
Martial:
Understanding
Media
by Dan Pleasant
Killer Correspondent
If you are, like myself, a
hopeless imsomniac, I'm quite
sure you are by now quite
hopelessly addicted to the late
nighters window on the world.
After all, what else is there to do
at Guilford after 2 a.m. if you
don't watch the tube? Of course,
the programming, be it the
Ronald Reagan movie on channel
2 or NBC News overnight, is
intirely hopeless. The only
respite in this wasteland is-you
guessed it-the commercials.
Even though these
advertisements are produced by
individuals whom, one would
think, are morons, do not
underestimate their intellegence.
They know who their audience is;
the timing is almost
machiavellian. Just count how
many times the American
Cancer Society predicts your
death just as you light up-and, of
Talent Alive
Wait! Stop right there! Don't
leave campus this Saturday
night. Come to the Campus-Wide
Talent Show. Sponsored by the
always active Guilford College
Choir, the show will be held in
Sternberger Auditorium at 8:15
on November 6.
When screening took place last
Friday night, approximately
twenty acts were presented.
These consist mostly of musical
acts with singing and guitar play
ing, but also include such diverse
performances as magic and play
ing hackey-sac. Roy Porter and
David Bradley provide comedy
between these acts as joint
Masters of Ceremony. The
Greensboro Gospel Choir and the
Guilford Choir men's quartet add
an extra flare to the evening.
This fun night of live entertain
ment costs only 50* for Guilford
students and SI.OO for others.
Tickets will be sold during the
week and at the door. Don't miss
this opportunity to discover the
hidden talents of your friends!
Drucilla dyes her locks, 'tis said, but 'tis
a foul asperation.
She buys them black: they therefore
need no subsequent immersion.
Shakespeare provided many of his
characters with artistic insults, and has
himself been the target of a few from
disgrutled critics of the past, such as
Dryden and Pepys.
Artistic criticism has often degenerated
into nasty insulting. Eugene Field, a
drama critic of the late 1800's, wrote about
aperformace of King Lear by actor Creston
Clarkes: "He played the king as if under
the momentary apprehension that so
meone might play the ace." A later critic,
Walter Kerr, said of an actor (mercifully
anonymous) "He has delusions of ade
quacy." One critic well-known for her in
sults was the celebrated wit Dorothy
course, it is a standard rule that
Alcoholics Anonymous increases
their advertising output in direct
proportion to how trashed you
are. Of course, we cannot forget
the starving Asian children'-just
as the domino man knocks on the
door.
Not only are they after our
consciences, but they are also in
pursuit of our wallets (or at least
the contents there in.) The
amount of excrement hawked
after midnight is incredible. You
can use the vinyl repair kit (do
you know anyone who owns
something they admit is vinyl?)
To repair your parachute
luggage. You know, it has an
"ugly cigarette burn" from the
butt you lit during the cancer
spot.
I often wonder about the
mentality and/or pride of
someone who actually orders this
stuff.
My favorite late-nighter of all
time, however. Ace the Bible
Tapes. I can imagine the suave
dude who has these: "Hey, babe,
let's go back to my crib and check
out some hot tunes...how does
chapter twoioflßevelations strike
you?...not into it? Well, we can
always throw down 'twenty
polkas and waltzes'..."
If this garbage starts to get you
down, just remember Christmas
is near. And you know what that
means...the spirit of Ronco lurks
around the corner.
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copy CKrfffMcle C&.
Parker, who reviewed books in the 1930's
for New Yorker magazine with a column
entitled Constant Reader. Many famous
and near-famous authors felt the sting of
her pointed insults. In reviewing A.A.
Miline's House at Pooh Corner, Parker
wrote. "This is not a book to be tossed aside
lightly, It should be thrown with great
force." She concluded the review of the
now-classic story of Pooh Bear,
Christopher Robin, et al, with "Constant
Weader fwowed up."
Not only literary figures, but political
figures have also gained fame and noterie
ty for their timely squelching of an oppo
nent. John Randolph of Roanoke, a conser
vative Congressman from Virginia in the
early 1800's, is a prime example. Noted for
his acid wit, Randolph liberally insulted
colleagues he differed with. He once said of
Edward Livingstone, a fellow politician:
"He is a man of splendid abilities, but ut
terly corrupt. Like rotten mackeral by
moonlight, he shines and stinks." Needless
to say, Randolph was not well liked, and
was the target himself of verbal attacks. It
was widely rumored that Randolph is im-
Here comes "Sunshine"
Spread a Little Sunshine
by Roy Porter
Staff Writer
"Little Mary Sunshine" is com
ing to Guilford to take us all back
to a simpler time and place. The
play was written by Rick
Besoyan and will run from
November 12 through 14 in Dana
Auditorium.
A musical in two acts, "Little
Mary Sunshine" is a merry spoof
of an era when "justice triumph
ed," when "good meant good,"
and when "bad meant bad."
"Little Mary Sunshine" pokes
gentle fun at all the cliches of the
innocent musicals (operettas)
our grandparents enjoyed.
The musical has a little of
everything: a Romantic Rocky
Mountain setting, Colorado
Rangers, a pure and genuine
heroine, a brave and handsome
hero, a chorus of proper young
ladies, a troop of courageous
Forest rangers, a girl-loving,
Washington diplomat, love songs,
suspense and a happy ending.
The biggest thing "Little Mary
Sunshine" has is the talent of
Guilford's students and faculty.
Several have been casted in this
saga of Colorado. Among the cast
are: Mary Hilderman, Catherine
Hodgin, Stacy Walker, Teresa
Sweeney, Donald Howie, Tracey
Welborn, Richard Goodman,
potent, and an enemy once alluded to this
gleefuly, saying "I rejoice that the Father
of Lies will never become the Father of
Liars." Randolph replied, "Sir, you pride
yourself upon an animal faculty, in which
the slave is your equal, and the jackass in
finitely your superior." Perhaps the best
example of his unique ability to trade insult
for insult is the story of how Henry Clay, in
meeting Randolph on a wooden sidewalk in
Washington, proudly drew himself up and
said, "Sir, I never step aside for a scoun
drel." Randolph retorted, "On the other
hand, I always do," as he stepped off the
sidewalk.
Masters of invective are rare these days,
Perhaps this is because these are kinder
and more civilized times. More likely, it is
due to the often colorless standardization of
our times. With a ready-made stock of
"Kiss my grits", "Yo' Mama", and other
obscenties, few people trouble themselves
to think up appropriate scathing insults. Of
course, to be nice, one should always say
something nice. But if you can't say
anything nice, say it well!
Asako Yakao, Amy Allison,
Elizabeth White, Heather Ber
nath, Allan Krusenjerna, Alan
Kiser, and Fleet Helms.
Also performing in the musical
will be Rex Adelberger and Jan
Earl. The play will feature musi
cians as well.
"Little Mary Sunshine" is
directed by Kenneth Wrytch. Sal
ly Reuther will design the set and
coordinate costumes. Edward
Lowe is the musical director.
The musical will open Friday,
November 12 at 8:15 p.m. in Dana
Auditorium and will continue
through Tuesday, November 14.
Contact Sally Reuther at ext.
212 or Edward Lowe at ext. 247
for ticket information.