Head to Head: The Debate Over the Sweatiest Professor, page 2
GOOFORDIAN
The Front Page
News Tickler
College to Be Bought
Japanese electronics company Hi
rohito Inc. announced Tuesday that it
plans to buy Guilford College and all
its assets for an undisclosed amount.
According to the company's presi
dent, Nakahashi Asihoko, Hirohito be
lieves it can remedy Guilford's budget
problems"withoutdisturbing the deli
cate Guilfordness of the institution."
Asihoko said the company plans no
major changes for the school.
New President Appointed
Joanna Iwata was appointed the new
president of Guilford Wednesday to
replace outgoing President "Bill"
Rogers whose contract was bought
out for an undisclosed amount. Iwata
will begin her new position Tuesday.
New Menu Selections
The cafeteria announced that effec
tive next week, students will notice
some changes in its fare. Mondays the
cafeteria will feature Beef Chow Mein,
said Tim Tyree, director of food serv
ices; Tuesdays will be Chop Suey Day;
and Wednesdays through Fridays will
feature a sushi bar.
Advertising Campaign Launched
In an attempt to bolster sagging
admissions and "spruce up our im
age," newly-hired Director of Adver
tising Arito Tokahashi announced
Friday a new advertising campaign
for the college. Guilford will be fea
tured in three new commercials to be
run in-state aimed at improving N.C.
recruitment. Magazine space will also
be purchased in such publications as
Newsweek, U.S. News & World Re
port and Japan Monthly.
Paper to Print in 2nd Language
Effective April 13, The Goofordian
will print an alternate edition in Japa
nese. "President Iwata offered to pay
for the extra printings, so we figured,
why not?" said Editor in Chief Jacob
Stohler-san on the change.
Vol. 1, No. 1 Guilford College, Greensboro, N.C.
More Cost-Cutting Measures In Store
Bryn Moore
Staff Writer
The next time you see a sleek, shiny
Mercedes pull up and parte next to your
dorm, think nothing of it—it's probably
just Jim Newlin coming to take out the
trash.
Under a new plan announced by Presi
dent "Bill" Rogers, all housekeeping and
maintenance positions are being elimi
nated, effective immediately, as the col
lege continues to cut its operating expenses.
The eliminated positions are part of a se
ries of cuts announced by the college in
recent weeks as it seeks to keep tuition
affordable, increase its salary pool and
service the debt on its bonds.
In a memo sent to faculty and staff on
Tuesday, Rogers explained that "hence
forth all housekeeping and maintenance
duties will be carried out jointly, in a
caring way, by the college's three vice
presidents." They are Nancy "Janus"
Cable-Wells, Sam "Fumin"' Schuman and
Jim "Sir" Newlin.
Their reactions to the announcement
havebeen varied. "Let's look at this as a
teachable moment," said Cable-Wells help
fully as she lugged a mop and pail up to
BhIUPvB
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Library Director Herb Poole, unearthed during library renovations,
squints uncomfortably at his first view of sunlight in two years. In
the background is the foundation for the library's new Lou Fike
Museum/photo by Ma Bell
'Where'd you park the mower yesterday?' asked
Newlin. 'l've got to finish the front lawn before the
Board of Trustees meeting tomorrow. Oh, and you and
Nancy need to check that air conditioning unit in Bryan
again. They say it's still leaking and blowing out blue
stuff.'
Binford's third floor. "I think there were
definitely some problems with the previ
ous staff, and most of them said they wanted
to leave, anyway. Besides, fewer mouths
to feed means more pie for me, if you catch
my drift. I'm confident that students won't
notice any difference. Hand me the disin
fectant, would you, Sam?"
"Wait a minute! I'm not done with it
yet!" objected Schuman. "If you ask me,
I'll tell you that this is a rotten idea. For
one thing, I know next to nothing about
this kind of work. It took me an hour
yesterday just to figure out how the golf
cart works. And let me tell you, reaching
around behind those toilet seats to clean up
vomit is really awkward and gross. If I
April Fool's Day
have to do that one more time, I swear I'll
hit someone." Addressing himself to
Newlin, he continued, "Damn it, Jim, I'm
a scholar, not a—"
"Shut up," Newlin suggested. "Where'd
you park the mower yesterday? I've got to
finish the front lawn before the Board of
Trustees meeting tomorrow. You know
see WORK HARDER on page 4 >-
INSIDE
• Minority Enrollment
Hits Record 2% 3
• Carroll Oldest
Professor; Poll Says...4
• Movie Review: Is
On Golden Blonde
the Next Deep
Throat? 5
• Paperthin Walls
Open Revealing
Doors Onto Guilford
Sex Lives 5
• Ann Landers 6
• Guilford to Test
Scratch x n'Sniff
Footballs 8