&prit U 1994
niuuAud StcwUtu
THRILL SCOOKR
f4 KMC ctOlCCtl
l°°° 9 : In a conscientious
I f • move by Gooford
• , v* Security to better
• ' ' I protect its stu
• J dewfs, Security
• K" * has chucked its
• search for a direc
for wfrew the
• * "V er f ec t choice"
• I • stumbled through
• Hv * * • eir prison
| doors, according
V '>n B •to Evil Kanievel,
• ¥ l * one °f
• HI . H|H * cheeses. Thrill
I ik * Scooper dashed
* helmet
• V ▼! I "Ifiveallwearbi
t , • cycle helmets,
$ JRR., •• JHBR •ml we'll be a lot
safer," Scooper said. "Besides, it's so attractive; it really fits
the needs for Gooford's more dangerous students." Now
that Thrill has his power position, "There will be an end to
all mistaking me for my brother, Pooper."
[ ** Ml
H 3| " wßwi*v i~
K JJJj yiw'iiwwiiiiii^
gs| \jn
J fj.
Peske Jeske tries out the new security system for Archdale. Apparently a failing English
major held Dick Morton and Beth Keiser hostage screaming, "Screw the great white whale,"
and Chaucer be damned, all I wanna do is read Harlequin novels!!!" The security system
has detected approximately 50 weapons, all strangely in the possession of Conflict
Resolution professor Joe Groves. Said Groves, "Fike and I were just testing the system."
•Tour Guides World Travel
•Gift Shop Sales •Caribbean
•Deck Hands Students Needed!
•Hawaii
• Casino Workers Earn s2ooo+ monthly.
•Europe
•...and More! • _ „•Mexico
Summer ®Holidays 9 full-time
No EXPERIENCE NECESSARY CALL 602-680-4647, Ext. C 147
Jlofee
Squirrels give Mr. Yuck stiff competition:
Body snatching pnrt of grinly routine
Fell N. Squirrely
Body Snatcher
The Gallery will be showing an
exhibit of Edvard Much's prints
from the Epstein Family Collec
tion that was up until recendy at
the National Gallery of Art in
Washington, D.C.
"I don't know," said Bill Mortal
"His main work of art was a rip
off of that stupid movie Home
Alone."
Okay. You've read so far; that's
good. My only hope is that they
won't copy edit this, and let it get
through. Gail Sue Kasun, the sup
posed News Editor, is actually a
GUNS
Cont from page 1
so pissed off every time
Fernie told me that deckin'
somebody didn't mean I won
and givin' me C's on my ex
ams. I wuz about to get ready
to do some real conflict reso
lution with my shotgun, but
now I just trade it in and ev
erybody gits to walk away
real happy".
spy. I think I noticed that the real
Gail was replaced about half-way
through last semester.
This clone, or whatever foul de
mon spawn has taken her place,
assigns us lowly staff writers non
newsworthy articles such as the
ratings of the Food Services or the
new director of controlling stu
dents' destiny. She or it is protect
ing someone or something, but
what.
Well after about two months of
hiding using skills I had picked up
from my Sabbatical, where I was
forced to watch American Ninja 1 -
3, and thanks to the aid of the Max
Carter, the strongest man in the
world, I was able to find out that
Gail has been replaced by support
ers of Guilford's administration
and the squirrels.
It seems these squirrels have a
great cover. Pretending to be nice
cute small fluffy animals with big
bushy tails hiding their malicious
rodent-like nature that is bent on
controlling the one fighting force
that could truly stop any other
army, the Quakers, they have
7he BaoJz
Thousands and thousands of books
New Books 10% OFF
Recycled Books 40-50% OFF
Unique cards, Cliffs Notes, comics
Hours:
Mon-Sat 10-9
Sunday 1-6
435-F Dolley Madison Road
Greensboro, NC 27410
(910) 854-4057
At the end of Milner Ave.
Tk© BMJI Rack
ElbM^ooforbian
forged treaties of blood and saliva
with all the alumni. There is no
hope.
Have you ever noticed how
Guilford is overrun by those squir
rels? They have free rein to do as
they please. We only stop to look
at them and go "how cute" or "how
dexterous of it to use its hands that
way," while in actuality they are
planting small detonators
stealthfully hidden as nuts.
Many of your professors have
been replaced by these squirrels
who have technology that when
compared to ours is like compar
ing legos to dried-out play-dough.
Their armor that allows them to
appear as people is all especially
equipped with a huge arsenal of
weapons of destruction.
If you can flee, do so now. It
may be your last hope before the
squirrels openly rise in revolt
The exhibit has been received
with two very opposing views.
Some say that Munch's works are
powerful and mysterious while
others condemn them as trite and
overdone.
3