The Guilfordian
September 19,1997
IKBSOHyp A . - . '■ m^ppifw
Fred and Will's
Really Stupid Poll
BY FRED WILLIAMS AND WILL DODSON
Two Really Stupid People
THIS WEEK'S POLL: Answers recieved
"You're on a desert island (in no particular order):
with the bodies of every ce
lebrity who has died ♦Jesus
throughout history. Whose ♦John Holmes
body do you eat first?" 4 Andre the Giant
(2 votes)
§♦ Kurt Cobain
♦ N eal Cassidy
♦ Elvis Presley
♦ Julius Caesar
♦Jerry Garcia
♦ Princess Diana
+Judy Garland
♦ Gianni Versace
♦ Fred Astaire
... # t fjt ♦ John Belushi
♦Marilyn Monroe
W WKi ♦Rich
WW she's still alive)
* K tfStiv ♦ and one person wanted
to smoke Jerry Garcia.
le Quick
.jk. -r-. fW \TH£ VERy FIRS/' TIME T SAW CHIP DANGER VAS IN LATE SUMMER
** t-V J U/A5 WITH A 6ROOP OF SQUIRRELS ON THE LAWN OF THE
L The Story of JL. COLLEGE CAMPUS I GREW UP ON X PIPN'7 KNOW'T WAS
%■ m TP A CAMPUS THEM - X OiPN'T THINK TO ASK WHAT THOSE
■ fftlfl " BUILPIN&S WERE FOR. J OIPN'T THINK ABOUT A LOT OF
i A THINGS BACK THEN, OUTSIDE OF FOOO, AND V€ OCCASIONAL CAT.
J Danger | ffljT
. DAREDEVIL SQUIRREL * S( I I
L:;, I aJS6/|
SP GuilfordColleqe # J/ I / GETTING FOOO ISN'T AS
* 199? Vli ~ EASS FOR A SQUIRREL
—"TT" —' """V- 1 AS SOU MIGHT THINK. FOR Scut.
\E? W~~ fPf® /7 " s 4 7/Afg OCCUPATION.
I WAS HARD AT WORK \HE WAS PeRCMEP ABOVE I'P NEVER- AT THAT TIHE
ON A WUOW OAK ACORN, US ON THE ROOF OF A KHOWN A SQUIRREL TO oj, v. N
AIONDERIN6 IF THEREMIbHT gUILPIME. X HOTICEP IV- ATTEMPTSUICIDE, BUT orb _ |
Sf 4 BETTER WAV TO STAMW HE WAS UNHISTM- THAT 9EEMEP EtACTLV |( £> _T>\
SP&iP AN AFTERNOON. AgLV CROUCHED 'N A WHAT HE INTENDED. I \\W I )*)[/
(WHAT 1 DIPNT KNOW). 7VMPINQ POSTURE. SIbHEP IN RELIEF WHEN \N| Irf/ Z*
THERE MS, notvevre,ueruw> he PACKED A\sM v \) J
TO JiMl Pov TO. FROM THE PRECIPICE. .. *-"JL J X '
THEN, Foe. SOME REASON, Sarr~77/fV HE LEAPED INTO
X UX>EP UP. _SS@He EMPT> SPACE.
x STOOP breathless,-
Ir REACHED OUTTO HIM, SWP/PCI. I RACED.
[THERE WAS NOTHING IdUO DO. \ WHAT MADE THE SQUIRREL'S
m*t ' sannd > >v ACTON SO absvrp is THAT
f I I \ IT MAS TOTALIS vwicesvti
\. - JJ \ HE EASILY CWLP HAVE
\V \ THE LEAP LOAS BCAJr/RL- L[V 1 SCALEV THE N\ ON THE
\Yv \ V Sw " / ' fARABouC ARC ( Jy? TV/tO- OP 7WF BUILDING,
lk\ V\ 1 NOTHINWESS. _ f oR CLtMBEP Dot ON THE
W\\\ J X COULDN'T TURN MM. Vr> P/Nt TREE ON TUB
DESPITE FOREKNOWLEDGE ' a/4u_.
k rvf eßtsiTCcNavzoN
|7Wf?f WERE ANV SAfF
♦ Yiß NUMBER
f |P\ . £RA7ELY EXPOSED '.
I K lIV ' \\\ STr JP HIMSELF TO DANbER. //???, b L'
I L Ufl I \ N \ FOR SOME REASON, /fy///), '
| K 111 I >A\ Am HE'D JUMPED ONTO Y^////, /
THEN, SOME HOW, HE 1 '
WAS HANGING FROM L CXWg n ONrVRPOSE. S,/ / S/u/S ////\^
A BRANCH SO FRAH fIW /J :
AMD FAR FROM THE Y j/\
ROOF X HAO N'T UfX IJ LOOKED BACK AT THE OTHER SQUIRRELS ON
EVEN NOT/CEP IT. 1/ 7Wf i-4W/V, THINKING THED SEEN THE SPECTACLE.
ll j I Jk'*J9l INSTEAD,! REAUIEP, THES WERE STARJNG AT
/ 1 v,ru ST£MM v disapproving lo °ks-
SLOWED HIS DESCENT |j t&- %^ )l '
MERE FEET AWE THE "1 _ / AV^T\
/ BRICK WALKWAY- HE ' r. \ \vs\w JL_
/ SCAMTEREP UP THE -\ 7," VV
LlMf ANP &SAfFEARED. II I 1 "\\ \~ "
-/ / -/// jfthJ \x —\ J_ _X 1 ?i//£7xy n\Fp >w/) resumed EATING.
rawMrajHSfflßl k
Telemarketing Part Time \Bjft
Employment £&
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9