Newspapers / The Guilfordian (Greensboro, N.C.) / March 27, 1998, edition 1 / Page 8
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8 JT Qhm Fiw tw BYWILLDODSON Features Editor You say you want a revolution? Well, you know, it seems all us young 'uns want revolution. Nothing wrong with that; after all, what do old people know 9 All they care about is Rogaine and C-Span. They've forgotten the important stuff, like freedom, baby, yeah. And beer, and sex. Lots of sex. Young people like sex. Old people want to take it away from us, because they can't do it anymore, and if they do, everybody thinks it's gross. And since beer leads to sex, they want to take that away too. Old people are fascists. And what's the best way to get rid of authority figures? That's right: kill them. Summer Camp Nightmare is the per fect blueprint for the young revolutionary . Here we see children and counselors alike crushed under the iron fist of Chuck Connors. Connors has long forgotten about Rogaine, by the looks of the dead badger he wears on his head, and this is the' 80s, which means no C-Span. What that means is that die only two things old people Scrabble tournament was a great success BY ZACK HAMPLE Staff Writer Guilford College, a place where events are often poorly attended, was just the opposite, at least for one day. The Scrabble tournament held last weekend was so popular that those who came towards the end of the sign-up period had to be turned away. Nearly 30 people wanted to play, and there weren't enough boards for everyone to participate. Being the first Scrabble tourna ment in the history of the school, there was considerable confusion EARN S7BO-SIBOO/WEEK Raise all the money your student group needs by sponsoring a VISA Fundraiser on your campus. No investment & very little time needed There's no obligation, so why not call for information today. Cafl 1-800-323-8454 x 95. Features care about aren't available for this old guy. The cxily things he can do are collect butter flies and molest little boys. He does both ex- ceedingly well. Unfortunately for the libido-crazied youngsters, Butter fly Collecting Pedo phile Man is also a really strict camp di rector. That means no beer, no sex, and no 'Bos hair bands for anybody. What the kids need are strong young radi cals to lead them away from the op pressive regime of sodomy and nature walks. X* What the kids need are counselors Crazy Lord of the Flies Guy and his right-hand man, Runk the Punk. about how to organize the rounds. Here's how it worked out. People were paired randomly for the first round, and in later rounds, play ers with identical won-lost records were matched. Each round was limited to one hour. If players didn't finish, the win ner was the person with the highest score when time ran out. The enthusiasm never died. Five rounds were played, taking most of the afternoon and evening. When all was said and done, there were ten prize-winners. They were (in alphabetical or der): Deirdre Black, Jenna Brown, Katie Elkins, Alii Goldman, Taj Greenlee, Zack Hample, Nat Scheckler, Rusty Sharpe, Joe Wallace, and Jon Yeager. Thanks to everyone who took part. You made it happen. Next year, we want to see some faculty. The Scrabble Club meets on Thursday nights at 8 p.m. in Founders 203-A. For more information, call Zack Hample at x 3730. My, my, my. Once bitten, twice shy. PHOTO BY CHRIS CARLSTROM CLF Guy gets Runk to kill Chuck Connors, and liberates Camp Really Bad Hair cuts, setting up a Dictatorship-O-Fun. He even liberates the girls' camp from across the lake, Camp Uglybuteasy. Needless to say, fun and poor moral choices follow. As time goes on, something funny hap- Coming to Guilford April 4... A SCIENCE FANTASTIC CLASSIC. mm Marring " . r RICHARD CARLSON • JULIA ADAMS 3rd ............. >" K!M 0* JACK ARNOLD kiMnoUf ft HARRY ESSEX jrd ARTHUR ROSS• Produced s WILLIAM ALLAND ■ DIMENSION! L_ A Universal Picture pais. The Dictatorship-O-Fun turns into Iron- Fisted-Fascism-R-Us, and CLF Guy reveals a temper as short as his red 1983 shorts. Kids start dying, women get raped, and worse, the beer runs out. Finally, sane blonde guy with tight jeans and kung-fu skills overthrows the fascist, and turnstile camp back over to the adults. Most of the kids don't even notice. Hmm... What's the lessen here? That revolu tion leads to anareh>' to dictatorship to democ racy to anarchy, etc.? That the fundamental difference between the stupidity of adults and the stupidity of young people is the feet that adults have been stupid longer? That violence is a human trait barely sublimated by our vaunted intellects? That the mass of people blindly follow whoever is named leader and perform all manner of atrocities conscience free by justifying all as being done in the name of their leader? No, fiiends, it's none of those things. The real lesson of Summer Camp Nightmare is that guys with headbands and acid-washed jeans get all the chicks. The Guilfordian March 27, 1998
The Guilfordian (Greensboro, N.C.)
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