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President McNemar arrested after authorities
discover marijuana growing in Fulcher Garden
Guilford hippies publicly apologize to him for protesting the outsourcing of the bookstore
Guilford College Presi
dent Donald W. McNemar was
arrested earlier this week after
the Greensboro Police Depart
ment received an anonymous tip
that he was growing marijuana
in the Fulcher Garden. The Gar
den is conveniently located just
a few paces from Ragsdale, his
The phone call that
tipped off police to the crime is
believed to have come from a
room on the substance-free sec
ond floor of Binford Hall.
Soon after word of the ar
rest circulated around campus,
a coalition of student activist
hippies issued a statement that
said, among other things, "We
duly apologize for the crap we
gave Don by protesting the
outsourcing of the bookstore. We
now realize that he is actually a
good man, well worthy of being
Gregory charged with misuse of new Frank telescope
"I noticed the observatory was
in use. It was late. I thought I
should check it out," said Zeus,
Guilford security officer on location
at 2:32 a.m., Wed., March 21. "I get
up to the top, and there he is in his
boxer shorts, the lens pointed right
at the second floor of Shore Hall,
humming and wiggling his butt
back and forth like he was about to
be served on Thanksgiving!"
"Jay Gregory, junior physics
major, will be charged with misuse
of Guilford property, sexual harass
ment, and lewd and lascivious con
duct," said dean of student life
Mona Olds on Thursday. "I guaran
tee he will be prosecuted to the stiff
est penalty of the law. We want to
Jay Gregory (left) celebrating with his
lawyer, Brandon Cherry, after a judge
ruled he could keep the excess photos.
the president of this college. We'll
happily smoke him up at any
The police removed all the
marijuana from the garden, only
to be met by student activist hip
pie protests. They brandished
signs that read "Support Higher
Education" and "Plant Killers."
McNemar, charged with pos
session and intent to distribute a
narcotic, was released on $lO,OOO
bail. He had only this to say:
"Dude, that is f****d up. Just
imagine how much K.B. I could
have bought with that cash. I was
making mad loot from that source
of fresh weed."
Tom Constable, a former
Guilford security officer and
friend of the president, said, "Don
and I used to walk out into the
woods every night for a little toke.
I'll really miss our 3 a.m. munchies
trips to Teeter."
Apparently, when the garden
was being planned two years ago,
McNemar emphasized that it be
keep this campus safe and clean, and
the only way to do that is to keep
people like Jay out."
While there is much evidence
against him, Gregory will plead in
"My client did nothing wrong,"
said Gregory's attorney. "He was "in
tensely studying the planets when all
of a sudden the telescope slipped."
When asked why he was only in
his boxer shorts and why the makings
of a "2000-2001 Girls of Shore Calen
dar" were found in his room, Gregory
replied, "No comment."
"I advised the faculty not to get
the one with the high magnification
lens; it was only asking for trouble,"
said physics department chairman
and astronomy professor Thom
"It doesn't surprise me in the
least," said a Bryan Hall resident who
wished to remain anonymous. "There
is a big market for those underground
calendars. In the springtime espe
cially, when the leaves are growing
on the trees blocking most long-range
viewing with your binocs, those
things can go for anywhere's of fifty
or a hundred bucks!"
"They should have never given
my Jay the keys," commented
Gregory's mother. "This reminds me
I^ *Si I
J$ - >i3Bfe.®* : . k
After the Greensboro Police Department dis^
Fulcher Garden, Guilford College President Don McNemarwas arrested and
released on $ 10,000 bail. Here, he examines the former site of his cherished pot.
constructed in the three acres ad
jacent to his house. Biology pro
fessor Lynn Moseley noticed how
odd it was that McNemar said it
was crucial that the garden be
"He obviously needed it there
so he could keep his herb nearby,"
of the time I gave him access to my
AOL account and he made a web
page with live 24-hour Web-cam foot
age of his sister's bedroom. And I
don't even want to talk about the
'members only toilet-cam feature he
had been trying to set up. You know,
he's a good boy most of the time; you
just have to keep him on a tight
"When I asked him what he
was studying up there every night,"
said Anita Applebum, resident of sec
ond floor Shore, "He said, 'Uranus.'
This puts it all into perspective:
What a sicko."
Gregory could not be reached
for comment, but left an e-mail to The
Guilfordian claiming that while he
may be getting kicked out of the
physics department, he has been
thinking for a while of becoming a
c/o Student Activities
5800 W. Friendly Ave.
Greensboro, NC 27410
While McNemar expects to
lose his job despite the student
support, he's got a contingency
plan: a writing and researching
job at High Times, his favorite
Caught spying on girts in Shore, Gregory
cldmedihe telescope in fbct w S£pecr
Women's Studies major and hopes,
"if things go well," he can "at least
get a two-credit independent study
out of this."
The Judicial Board hearing is
set for Tues., April 10. It is open to