Newspapers / The Guilfordian (Greensboro, N.C.) / March 29, 2002, edition 2 / Page 2
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Page 2 News briefs Dan Fleishman STONED JEW Duke Hall ac tually named af ter David Duke The adminis tration revealed this week that Duke Hall is actu- ally named after southern white supremacist David Duke and not longer James and Benjamin Duke as it previously led on. In a press release, the college announced that "a secret underground divi sion of the Ku Klux Klan thrived at Guilford College in the mid-1950'5, and it had a lot of sway. They were able to rededicate it without much fuss be cause eveiyone kept call ing it by one name." The release explained that the building, formerly called Dußois Hall, was then re named and christened with bottles of Klan-favor ite Tab. Administration closes Caf dessert bar; campus women protest, hold vigil Daniel Fleishman MALE CHAUVINIST PIG A coalition of female stu dents, faculty and staff staged a silent protest and nightlong vigil following a stunning administra tive action to increase enroll ment. Last week, head administra tors drove a forklift into the Caf and permanently removed first the ice cream freezer and then the cake, cookie and pudding trays. Those administrators, in cluding President Don McNemar, Randy Doss, dean of enrollment, and Phil Manz, chief financial officer, left behind a large poster explaining the reasons for their actions. "This dessert area has been removed as an affirmative action to decrease the tendency of fe males to match or even exceed the 'freshman 15,'" the poster reads. "We are looking to change that figure to a more modest 'freshman five to 10.' With slim mer, more attractive women on this campus, more males and lesbians will want to attend the college." The coalition of women, who f n J p. •;•••.. XyXv: vX->v ••w.v wX call themselves the Paunchy Ice cream Extremists (PIE), immediately formed ranks and camped out in the lobby of Founders Hall, brandishing signs that read "You Can't Take Our Chocolate" and "Civil Rights Means Ice Cream For All." It was a silent protest until one female got up and gave an impas sioned speech about the impor tance of dessert in her life and the life of every woman she knows. She said: "When we allow freedom to ring, when we let it ring from every patisserie and every ice cream parlor, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's women, girls, and other dessert lovers, will be able to join spoons and sing in the words of the old Desserter's spiritual, "Chocolate at last, vanilla at last. The Goofordian News Left: Duke Hall has puke green carpets to encourage in-class discussion. Right: Don't ask why he's holding a pen or asleep on the Pub Suite couch. Below: Why wouldn't you trash these dorks' common room at their party on Friday, March 29? K Biv m •% > / ; _.. 1' y i -it^B No more scoops for Jeffica Jeske! A X;:?.,::-: .--A % ,1 Thank God Almighty, ecstasy at last." The administrators have re fused to comment on the issue, but they did release early figures that indicate this move has gen erated significant male interest in the college nationwide. March 29, 2002 Student steps in goose crap, goes back to bed Sam Stephens, after strug gling out of bed Tuesday morn ing at 11:10 a.m., stepped in goose crap on a campus walk way on his way to class, and de cided then to return to the safety of his bed. "When a day starts that badly, sleep is the only an swer," Stephens said. "The day would have gone downhill from there had I stayed awake. For all I know, the professor might have called on me in the class if 1 had gone." Stephens said he then slept through most of the after noon and "woke up just in time for a wake-and-bake at 4:20." Bryan suite gets vitamin endorsement deal Suite 812 in Bryan recently signed an endorsement deal with vitamin company GNC to help sell their new line of vitamin B -12. They were reportedly paid in cash and beer. Junior Eben Den nis was thrilled. "These free samples of B-12 they gave us are going to do wonders to help me prevent anemia and maintain a healthy nervous system," he said as he took a drag off a cigarette and mumbled something about some wild party the suite is hav ing on Fri., March 27. From WQFS, p. 1 certed effort toward easing the tran sition. "We had to move fast, be cause it takes a long time to remove four tons of independent punk al bums," said Dan Thigpen, who will become the station's general man ager this summer. "I'm glad that QFS has decided to make this change, just in time for Serendipity," said senior Dain Roose-Snyder. "I think the new music will definitely add to the celebratory atmosphere of the week end. Now we can just blast the ra dio at Friday's quad dance instead of hiring a DJ." President Don McNemar also sounded thrilled with the idea. "You know I'll be listening," he said. WQFS, as a result of the pro gramming switch, will move from 90.9 F.M. to 106.7 F.M., the appro priate easy listening/new age area of your radio dial. JUSTIN BETSON PICTURES BY JUSTIN BETSON
The Guilfordian (Greensboro, N.C.)
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March 29, 2002, edition 2
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