3, 2004 FEB 13, 2004
ORO, NC GREENSBORO, NC
Me & f jfc
person- I
i mt V
blame it Valentine's
on e Day Massacre. And
c ° 0 I'll use the real defini
scheme. It s tjon Qf jnR _ tQ stgb wjth
a v.rtua P.nk a sharPi po i nt ed object.
Scare out there an Happy V-Day! _
optical attack,
?and it frightens Heh heh
the more sensi- W
tive folks to death.
I'll survive though. I'll wt
just hole up in my room
with a case or two of beer,
a book, and a few packs of ■
cigarettes.
But if one more person asks who W
my 'special someone' is, I'm
gonna reenact the ol' St.
in a would-be expert
explain your feelings of hurt and emotionally draining relationship?"
betrayal, followed by the sweetest- Damn straight it's your fault. You
sounding goodbye he has haven't dumped him yet.
ever heard and sincere Honestly, you need to re
wishes of happiness in the I evaluate your position here,
future. The jackass will Why are you still with this guy?
never see it coming. He obviously doesn't give two
Screw looking good; licks about your sexual pleas
knowledge of your com- ure, and that's a pretty good
plete moral superiority indicator that he doesn't care
is the best revenge. about your general pleasure.
The fact that you're asking
Question: My * "is it MY fault he's a selfish
boyfriend only 3 jackass?" exposes some
wants to have sex Jreal problems that no col
when he's drunk, [ V* lege sex-advice columnist,
and then he can't j psych major or no, is ade
keep it up. Do you quately qualified to deal with.
think it's my fault? jPM lt's time to find someone with
What should Ido more expertise to talk to.
to fix the prob- I ami Check the following website
lem? for ' nformation on Guilford's
t counselin 9 services:
Sincerely, http://www.guilford.edu/servic
Frustrated The best thing is, it's a lot
Freshman more confidential than a
newspaper.
Answer: Let f ' a ting your* 0
me ask your real To submit questions, e-mail guil
question for you. "Is it my fault I'm fordian@guilford.edu. All inquiries
stuck in a sexually unfulfilling and will be kept anonymous.
FEATURES
A Valentine-y suggestion
Kathy Oliver & Seth Van Horn
Love Doctors
Valentine's Day is a stupid
Hallmark holiday designed to
make you spend money and feel
terrible about yourself. We should
n't celebrate it. No, We won't cele
brate it. It's tomorrow? Well,
maybe just some flowers ...
What to do/where to
If together:
Him - If you
favor keeping :
your bits and JR
pieces, you ml
gotta do Mm
something. ■
At least I
do. If
Going or
staying in can be dic
tated by car availability, weather,
and money. There's nothing wrong
with borrowing some movies and
drinking hot chocolate under a
blanket together.
Her -
Whatever you
choose, make
sure you'll
both enjoy it.
Don't forget,
this day is
about you two.
Him - Or
three or more,
if you want to
be inclusive.
Her - For the
last time, no.
If single:
Him - Either I
decide to get
busy, go to the
Vagina
Monologues,
maybe go
hang out with
my single
friends. Or I sit
in my room,
drink a lot of,
£l I jJHVk
"fiii I *
m ||l v —.v
B ImH S
H Jflhlto
WWW.CORBIS.COM
A romantic dinner is a great way to spend Valentine's Day
uh, water, and shoot things on my
TV. Ok, mostly option two. Shut
up.
Her - Single or not, there's also
the Gender Bender Dance that
night in Dana Lobby. If you're into
getting off campus, Skybar on Elm 
Street is a great place to go with a I
group of friends. Just have fun.
Legally and safely,
adds your mother. jm
What to eat:
If together: Ki
Him - A meal
you make yourself
is good. It lets you
decorate romantic-
like. Put rose
petals on her bed,
or put your gift on her
Rk pillow. Unless you're me,
Pwho can barely man
, age toast, and is aller- *
k gic to most flowers.
Restaurants are s
also good. As a vegetar- c
tan, i like Vietnamese and &
Korean food; slightly exotic, but
still plenty I can eat. v
Her - Cooking dinner is sweet,
but (this goes for men and women 1
alike) if you can't cook, don't pre- £
tend you can. There are plenty of /
restaurants within walking dis
tance of campus. If you choose to
play chef for the day, pick some
thing that doesn't take too long.
Nobody feels romantic when
they're stuck with someone who's
WWW.GUILFORDIAN.COM
cranky from cooking all day. If you
live in the dorms, remember that
you're sharing a kitchen with
other people.
If single:
Both - Chocolate.
Lots and lots of
W; chocolate.
Wi What to buy:
jf-j If together:
j i Him - I never know
// what to buy. My first
/ thought: get something
B/y personal that she wants
so she knows I really
appreciate her. But does the
head of an IT&S worker really say
"I love you?" On the other hand,
something "romantic," like flowers
or chocolate, is a little typical, you
know?
Be safe - do both. Or break up
with her.
Her - Don't go overboard.
Tempting as it is, no one needs a
six-foot teddy bear.
And remember girls, don't get too
DUX vaienune s
Day is THE time of year to find a
gift to prove it.
Him - Christmas is THE time of
year to buy for other people.
Valentine's Day just means cheap
candy on the
PAGE 7
wrapped up in
deciding whaf
to get.
Chances are,
he'll just
shove it in his
desk drawer.
If single:
Her- Instead
of buying one
fabulous gift
for one certain
someone, try
getting lots of
small things
for your clos
est friends:
flowers,
candy, or silly
Anytime's a
good time to
tell them how
much they
mean to you,
hi it \/alontino'c