Newspapers / The Guilfordian (Greensboro, N.C.) / April 9, 2004, edition 1 / Page 12
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PAGE 12 WWW.GUILFORDIAN.COM Horoscopes: What STD are you destined forP Samantha Kittle and Eliza Janney Spiritual Gurus j ' J i f* 1t f - £ i * # * Herpes is your astral vSTD from the stars. Like the dis ease, you have a fiery, blazing personality that just begs for recognition. Your cosmic STD is gonor rhea. Like gonorrhea, you can be secretive and hard to detect, and at times misun derstood. Break out of your shell, and show your true col ors. You're clean; YES!! Guilford Scores Kurt Cavaiwugh March 27 Beat Eastern Mennonite 3-2 March 31 Beat Oberlin 16-9 March 26-28 Bh of 32 at 33"* Sports Editor April 3 Lost to Hampden-Sydney 16-8 Marine Federal Credit Union March 27 Lost to Eastern Mennonite Intercollegiate Baseball (14-13,3-6 ODAC) 8-5 y - _ _ ki Women's Lacrosse (3-6,1-4 ODAC) Tennis (4-7,1-5 ODAC) March 31 Beat Barber-Scotia 17-3 April 1 Lost to Christopher Newport 9- 6 ' 9-3 March 30 Lost to Queens 12-4 April 1 Beat Ferrum 7-2 April 3 Lost to Hampden-Sydney 9- 1,14-6 April 3 Lost to Roanoke 2-1, 3-2 April 3 Lost to Virginia Wesleyan 16-4 April 3 Lost to Eastern Mennonite 5-4 Softball (6-20,2-8 ODAC) Men's Lacrosse (5-5,0-2 ODAC) Go|f Aprj| 3 Beat Shenandoah 7-2 wlcxii, i IC. Your cosmic STD is chlamy dia. You tend to make others bum with the pain of being around you for a long time. There was a brief moment of chaos when one of your manslaves was misdiagnosed with an STD, but don't fear - the last tests came back clean. ~ 4"^Bgitt6rius Syphilis is your cosmic STD. Like the disease you often make people go insane, but you haven't killed anyone yet. SPORTS 7? , , Vr • Your STD is Hepatitis B. Not to be confused with those other forms of hepatitis that make you turn yellow, although yellow is your favorite c010r... illk: . US You too are clean. That itch ing sensation is due to the wool underwear you sleep in, freak. Crabs are your cosmic STD match. Like crabs, you tend to be feisty and demand atten tion - well, a doctor's attention at least. Luckily for you, any chance of contracting your cosmic STD match is thwarted by that nasty tapeworm you have. (You also need a doctor's attention.) t'JjTuarus TH&&SUILFORDIAN Corrections The Guilfordian strives to maintain accuracy and balance in our reporting. If you should discover any factual error printed in this edition, please leave a detailed message for Editor-in-Chief Mary Layton Atkinson at The Guilfordian office, x 2306, or e-mail the paper at: guilfordian@guilford.edu including the word "correction" in the subject line. APRIL 9, GREENSBORO, NC You know you've had too much contact with your cos mic STD if the free clinic sends you annual birthday cards. &nm Good old HPV is your cosmic match on the STD star charts. We may not know what the acronym means but we know its bad, just like you.
The Guilfordian (Greensboro, N.C.)
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April 9, 2004, edition 1
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