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WWW.GUILFORDIAN.COM
FIGHT CLUB
Staff/faculty fight club found in woods,
campus flooded with mysterious soap
Continued from page I
He won't be able to deny it much longer, however.
Hall Director Justin Shreve '11 was the first to uncover the
scandal. After overcoming his fear of retribution, Shreve shared
his experience with The Guilfordian.
"Kent Chabotar pulled me into his office one day trying to
recruit me for the club," said Shreve. "I turned him down and
thankfully he let me go. I've just been too scared to say anything
until now. He threatened to send Jim Hood and Diya Abdo after
me if I snitched. Lit teachers are no joke. That is not something
you take lightly."
After hearing Shreve's testimony, seniors Shanon Rule and
Bennett Christian came forward to share their experiences as
well.
"I was walking through the woods one night and I saw Kent
Chabotar and Ron Stowe wailing on each other," said Christian.
"I mean don't get me wrong, I miss the rawness the bonfires
brought out in people. But that was too raw."
"I didn't know what I was seeing at first, but when I got
closer I was like, 'dude,'" said Rule.
Junior Grace Chafin also divulged her now-confirmed
suspicions.
"I went out to clean up trash around the bonfire pits and I
saw a freaking tooth lying on the ground," said Chafin. "So be
on the lookout for someone missing their lateral incisor, because
they're definitely in on this."
When presented with these testimonies. President and
Professor of Political Science Kent Chabotar stopped rapping
his bruised knuckles on his desk and let out a defeated sigh.
"We all have a way to deal with stress," Chabotar admitted.
"Organized violence and Guilford College — it might seem
strange to have those words in the same sentence, but whatever."
Thanks to the student testimonies, rumors about the illicit
club spread through campus like wildfire.
Though Director of the Friends Center and Campus Ministry
Coordinator Max Carter has yet to be definitively linked to the
club, students have their suspicions.
"I noticed chunks of Max's beard started disappearing a
couple months ago," said junior Allison Semmler. "I didn't
think anything of it before, but now I'm not sure."
After being forced out of the woods all year, students will
surely be outraged to hear of the administration's new use of
the area.
"It kind of takes the irony out of the fact that our mascot is
a fighting Quaker," said Chafin. "Now that we know the truth,
I think it's time we take back the woods. Bring back bonfires! I
just hope we won't have to fight the administration for it."
New "Housing Games" to replace
traditional housing application process
By Meg Holden
Overlady of Features
After a record-shattering 96 percent
of Guilford students "just forgot" to
fill out their housing applications
this spring. Residence Life will be
implementing a new system for the
housing lottery in 2013. Next year,
the housing application and lottery
process will be replaced by a Hunger
Games-style fight to the death among
eight students.
Game Maker Kris Gray and Hfead
Peace Keeper Susanna Westberg expect
that the new systerry will strea|j]^ine
the housing process, i /
"The housing lottery 'has fp be
mandatory for students to participate/'
said Gray. "No matter ho wmany emails
we send. Buzz messages we post or
posters we hang, \^e have never gotten
more than about 2| percent of students
to fill out their housing applications on
time. (Westberg) apd I had a meetings
and realized that if we can't change'
the students' behavior, we just have to
change the system."
Now, instead of relying on students
to take five minutes out of their busy
February schedules to fill out thb"
online housing application. Residence
Life will host a compulsory "Reaping"
at the beginning of March. One student
from each of the eight residence halls
(the North and South Apartments
count as one "hall" each) will be
chosen as Tributes to participate in tjie'
Housing Games.
The eight Tributes will .^ompete
during the last weekend of March
as part of the Serendipity festivities.
The last student standing will receive
; I » • ^ - ' ( » ‘ f . f 1 > T t f » ,1
housing and meal plans free of charge
for the rest of their stay at Guilford,
and the students from the winning
residence hall will be up first for room
selection.
"(For example) if the Tribute 4rpm
Mary Hobbs wins, then all the Hobbs
residents visW^FToosetReir'S^Stiis first,"
explained Gray. "The first runner%p,^
might be from Bryan, so the Bryan
residents get to choose their rooms
second, and so on."
Like any major overhaul, this
new system will not be without
its challenges as Residence Life
implements the changes.
. "We're still working ouh a few of
the details," said VYestberg. "There
will have to be a system for ranking
Tributes who dir^knultaneously, and
we aren't sure yet how to assign rooms
t4 transfer
Despite , fiie administration's
enthusiasi|ji^^fpr the Housing Games,
the changes have, .some students
worried.
"I just don't think dramatic
chajfge junior,
Elizabeth Dzugan. hot -
a Goblet of Fire to} make /i^m
assignments, like thejJ- lo"’‘'at Hig^
Point (University)?"
"It-^ is pretty controversial,".
acknoiHpdged lilusti^ous Leader
Aaron F%|row. "But we have seen,
time and tn^ again that if you coddle
students, you do not get results. It is
time for Guilford to go balls to the
wall to make the housing process more
streamlined."
Senior Zach Lynn voiced concerns
about the loss of revenue to the college.
'■Seven students will be killed every
year," said Lynn. "That's about a
quarter million in tuition that we will
just lose — not to mention the fact that
prospective students might decide to
go elsewhere and avoid the Reaping.
But of course, watching students fight
to the death will be a fantastic addition
to Serendipity."
Though some students have valid
'‘misgivings regarding the new system,
in R; recent survey filled out by all 12
studdRls who read The Buzz daily,
over *58 percent said that they "do not
care" abQut the changes to the housing
lpttery%stem.
"I didn't know Guilford had a
housing lottery," commented one
survey-taker v-s^fho did not give a name.
"I don't think imost students do. So
it doesn't matter much whether it
changes." ?
"This is the t|pe ofsapathy we are
trying to combal/' said Gray. "And it
looks like hand-to-hand combat is the
best way to ^o s&."
The d^^rtge i^.expected to positively
affecttf^ efficiency of college processes,
in accordance^; with jGuilford's second
Strategic Long Rang! Plan.
"Students,' mortal combat and
Guilford Gollege — it might seem
strange to have^ those words in the
.same sentence," said Lord and Master
l^enT Chabotdr. "But when you look
at our aspirational schools, they are
alLgoing in the same direction. Elon
(University) and Davidson (College)
have^ both implemented similar
practices.
"It is time for Guilford to enter the
twenty-first century. We can't do that
if students aren't killing each other for
NEWS
.'I'
'0 >'
my amusement.
.. 1.....
PROTEST
1 ^
Small ASS protests
conservative
Guilford values
Continued from page I
Rand Grant, that tore a whole new one open," said
Mattrick. "This insanity needs to stop now."
ASS's website said that the day's events would include
a march through campus and end with a public forum to
discuss implementing liberalism as a core Quaker value.
About 10 members took part in the event, carrying
banners saying "I Used To Be A Conservative, But Then
I Grew Up" and "Conservatism? What Is This, Amateur
Hour?"
Members wore red t-shirts, some singing old socialist
folk songs, while others passed out pamphlets on
communist ideology.
"This pamphlet is just like some of the articles in The
Guilfordian," said junior Alexis Hauteur. "It challenged
my beliefs, so I threw it in the trash. But I did read the
bold print at the top."
The students' reactions on campus were mixed. Some
students joined in on the march before heading off to class
or the cafeteria. One member reported that two students
had signed up to join the syndicate.
However, some students had a tepid response' to the
protesting.
"These people want to encourage social parasitism,"
said first-year Dick Sangorum, who identified as a
Republican. "If we allow them to spread their agenda —
like Obama's advocating in Washington—we'll be living
under a fascist-communist regime in no time."
"I don't want to buy-my • sweater vests from the
government," Sangorum added.
Some students drove past the protesters in pickup
trucks, roaring their engines and yelling obscenities.
"I saw one of them red shirts and told 'em, 'Listen here,
buddy. Think you can just come and complain about
right-winged academia? Then you'll try and take away
my guns and freedom,"' said senior Hesan Asholle.
"I came to Guilford for a good old conservative
education," said Asholle. "I don't need Obama-lovers
tellin' me how to think and feel. That's some bull right
there."
The Guilfordian contacted President and Professor of
Political Science Kent Chabotar, who spoke with local
media while the march occurred.
"An angry ASS, pejorative names and Guilford College
— it might seem strange to have those words in the same
sentence," said Chabotar. "And I'm still confused as to
why a random socialist group is protesting the political
leanings of a private institution. Aren't there bigger issues
to protest elsewhere?"
The march lasted about an hour.
Three party members and one unidentified drunken
student who repeatedly yelled, "Let me tell you
something about socialism," were arrested. Although
there was a brief verbal altercation between the remaining
members and police officers, protesters eventually left
campus without authorities using force.
Some students, however, felt Public Safety should
have reacted quicker.
"The protesters were really terrifying — all 10 of
them," said sophomore Sasha Poltroon. "People with
radical beliefs usually bring trouble wherever they go. I
didn't feel safe at all."
Once the John William Pope Foundation, which
provided the money for the BB&T grant, heard that
the grant was a reason for ASS targeting the school, the
foundation sent out a public apology.
"We apologize for the school's traumatic experience,"
said a representative for the JWPF. "Understand the
money is going to provide students with a rich education
— one that emphasizes the necessity for equality,
community, compassion and diversity. That's why the
grant advocates capitalism.'^ ^ , ,