Newspapers / The Guilfordian (Greensboro, N.C.) / March 30, 2012, edition 1 / Page 9
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NEWS discovered in woods, students outraged By Ellen Nicholas Staff Writer Blood-spattered trees. Broken teeth strewn about the meadows. The truth behind the administration's bonfire crackdown is finally revealed. After destroying the student-made forts in the woods and clearing out the bonfire pits, the administration cited student safety, environmental preservation and liability as the reasons behind their controversial new policy. The truth is far more shocking. Every Friday night, members of Guilford's faculty and staff sneak out to the meadows and beat each other up. A weekly faculty fight club has been going on right under our noses. Many idly wondered about Visiting Assistant Professor of Political Science Robert Duncan's black eye and Vice President for Student Affairs and Dean of Students Aaron Fetrow's new limp. Now, the explanation is clear. When confronted, Fetrow responded, "What limp?" and promptly hobbled away. See "Fight Club" on Page 2 A bruised and defeated Aaron Fetrow, beefcake of Guilford, is caught on camera after a fight Not pictured: Heather Hayton, the ferocious victor of the fight FEATURES Merpeople found in Guilford lake 'WATER FAIRIES' IN THE GUILFORD LAKE: EVIL AND MEAN OR MISUNDERSTOOD? By Emily Cooper Staff Writer It is a well-known fact at Guilford College that students are prohibited from swimming in the lake. If you were to ask why, most people would respond with something along the lines of "it is dirty" or "it contains around one hundred times the amount of E. coli that is safe for human contact." While these things may be true, it is much more complicated than that. Our beloved lake is home to a colony of Merpeople. Their colony can be found at the very bottom of the middle of the lake. These Merpeople are nothing like what has been depicted in the media. CD ON Page 5 NEWS Socialists protest "conservative takeover A^i^ASS masibers march through Guilford's campus.The group proesceiTthe complete lack of liberal values at the college, yelling that conservatives should "go back home and watch '24.'" By Burke Reed Executive Web Copy Editor The Rhinoceros Times called it the "Second Cold War." Passersbys feared the worst when they saw a raised fist tagged on a banner made of white bed sheets. No one at Guilford was ready for such horridness: a peaceful socialist protest. Last weekend, members of American Socialist Syndicate attempted to march through campus to protest a supposed "conservative takeover" of the college. This "takeover" occurred within the last year. Party member Paul Mattrick said rumors of conservatism within different departments and college politics enraged ASS. "When ASS heard about the Ayn See "Protest" on Page 2 CD Artist's rendering of a female Merperson 'VL. found in ; the lake. i It-. D 'j.3^'GRAPHlC BY . Joy Damon
The Guilfordian (Greensboro, N.C.)
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March 30, 2012, edition 1
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