Newspapers / The Guilfordian (Greensboro, N.C.) / March 28, 2014, edition 1 / Page 13
Part of The Guilfordian (Greensboro, N.C.) / About this page
This page has errors
The date, title, or page description is wrong
This page has harmful content
This page contains sensitive or offensive material
li \ LAKE BATTLE Yachting Club versus Weavers: a campus divided #teampeace Continued from Page I On Feb. 14, Yachting Club Captain and junior Chris Leighton ordered their armada to strike the Weavers during their Valentine's Day Weave-a-Thon. When the club began, the Yachters permitted the Weavers usage of one-tenth of the lake. Two weeks prior to the attack, the Weavers requested to divide the lake evenly, a 50-50 split. The Yachters formally declined. Nevertheless, on the date of the Weave-a-Thon, the Weavers moved in. "The Yachting Club is for Guilford's elite," said Leighton. "We are not going to be pushed aside by a bunch of scuba-diving algae buggers." With five ships sunk and nearly 200 baskets destroyed during the Battle of the Weave-a-Thon, this feud forced the College to close the lake, but that did not stop the war. The Yachters bought off President Kent Chabotar and were permitted reentry. With this news, the Guilford Society of Friends backed the Weavers. "A friend of the community is a friend to us," said Director of the Friends Center Max Carter. "When we heard that the Weavers were kicked out of the lake, we could not sit idly by. We threatened that if the administration did not let them back in. Friends Center would declare war. "They thought we were bluffing." On March 11, the Friends Center revealed the trebuchet they had developed in the woods and launched it at the Yachting armada. "We lost a lot of good boats that day," said Leighton. "The Friends' assault was devastating, but we had a secret weapon." As the Weavers calculated their next move with their new Friends with benefits, the Yachters were christening "Cannondorfr' their largest and most powerful warship. On March 20, while many students were away on break, the Yachters sailed in and launched missiles at the subaquatic Fort Weaver. Every basket was destroyed. "We had been preparing for this," said Associate Professor of Physics Don Smith. "We knew this day would come. When we built the telescope atop the Frank Science Learning Center, we outfitted it with rocket laimchers. "We had no ties to the Weavers, but the Yachters had been stealing funding from the physics department for years. Revenge was finally in reach." On March 22, Smith along with several physics students loaded the Cline Observatory and rained fire upon Cannondorf and the rest of the Yachters' armada. At last, the war was over. "We will be meeting for a peaceful negotiation," said Nickels. "Both clubs plan to abandon the lake, but in war, there are no winners. Out of the ruins, we will need to rebuild our communities." So, if you're looking for a club that is working towards a new beginning, consider the Yachting and Underwater Basket Weaving clubs. Together, they will usher in a new era of peace, movie nights and board games. In memoriam of the boats and baskets lost. Local GuilCo Hero Pumpernickel peacefully protests for world peace (3> CP n o c m CA - o BY JAKE DELAHANTY Staff Writer Senior James Pumpernickel has big plans: change the world. As an Environmental Studies and Peace and Conflict Studies double major at Guilford College, Pumpernickel thinks the world is messed up. "The world is just so crazy right now," said Pumpernickel. "I feel like no one else realizes just how screwed up the environment and our government are." Pumpernickel, however, has a plan; he's going to change the world and make it better. "I really think I can make a difference," said Pumpernickel. "I'm already doing a lot of things in the community right now." Indeed, Pumpernickel spends his Saturday nights playing his acoustic guitar outside the Greenleaf singing about the woes of the world. In addition. Pumpernickel peacefully protests for the legalization of marijuana down at Starbucks on West Friendly Avenue. "Every week, this guy comes down here," said Starbucks manager Jim Bean. "He's really changed my mind about marijuana, so I think it's just a matter of time before it gets legalized. Thanks to him, of course." In addition. Pumpernickel is also serious about helping the environment and saving eneigy. "I shower about once a month, have substituted brushing my teeth with Hc- Tacs, and travel everywhere I need to go on my longboard made out of tree bark," said Pumpernickel. "Yeah, people complain about the smeU from time to time, but it's totally worth it." James Pumpernickel is a great student too. "In class, our studies sometimes involve discussing the government and the role it ^lays in causing conflict" said Assistant Professor and Chair of Peace and Conflict Studies Amal Khouiy. "You can always covmt on James to try his b^t and never get discouraged by his grades." "James has a real passion for the environment" said Professor of Geology and Earth Sciences Professor Marlene McCauley. "He gets very upset whenever we discuss degradation of the environment and the harm humans have done to it" Pumpernickel also discussed his plans after graduation. "Huh, I'm not really sure honestly," said Pumpernickel. "I think I'm going to get a job at some point and then maybe move to Canada. The government here is corrupt so I don't want to live here anymore." Having already renounced his United States citizenship. Pumpernickel is working to save up money to get to Canada. "I really think it's up to me to make a difference, no matter wher^e I am," said Pumpernickel. "I guess no one else has thought about these things before." While many may not believe in him, one woman backs him up every step of the way: his mother. "I'm so happy with James," said Mrs. PumpemickeL "Despite his daily phone calls, or 'sob sessions' as I call them, he is such a strong individual. I know he'll make me proud someday." In a world plagued by injustice, one hero stands above the rest, ready to start change, one complaint at a time. "The time for change has come," said Pumpernickel. "With my guitar by my side and weed in my back pocket. I'm ready to face the world."
The Guilfordian (Greensboro, N.C.)
Standardized title groups preceding, succeeding, and alternate titles together.
March 28, 2014, edition 1
13
Click "Submit" to request a review of this page. NCDHC staff will check .
0 / 75