Newspapers / Albemarle High School Student … / Oct. 31, 1983, edition 1 / Page 2
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Page 2 THE FULL MOON October 31,1983 By RODNEY HARWOOD The silent, inert crowd stood with their mouths hanging open in an ominous expression of de feat, while across the field multi tudes of jovial fans ranted in dis belief. What had happened? I de cided to put away my intense re search on thermonuclear fre quency equalization and investi gate into the apparent cause of these diverse emotions. Being the skilled and experienced investi gative reporter that I am, I decid ed to go about this task by ques tioning one of the many illiterate bystanders present. I turned to my immediate left and proceeded in rigorously questioning the un wary fellow next to myself. Being an investigative reporter intro duces many undesirable situa tions, and questioning this unen lightened simpleton was certain ly one of them. From what I could decipher of my ignorant friend’s reply was essentially that the Al bemarle football team had had four chances to move the football one yard into the Forest Hill’s de fended end zone, tie the game, and have a chance to win with an extra point. Through the years as an investigative reporter I have stumbled upon many intriguing and unbelievable facts, but this had to be the climax of them all. Having a diverse and workable knowledge of most of the world’s athletic events, I knew that foot ball (in the American sense) was Investigative Report: Literally the Longest Yard primarily a ground acquisition contest in which two opposing teams try to gain or defend terri tory. Offensive or defensive per spectives are decided upon the possession of the football. Albe marle had possession of the foot ball; therefore, I deduced that Al bemarle was on the offensive try ing to acquire the last yard and achieve the ultimate goal — The End Zone. Obviously a yard is a very in significant distance in this game, or the failure of the Albemarle team to attain it would not have been such a major disaster. Then why did our beloved team fail? It is not often that I come upon a question that I cannot answer but this one was plaguing me almost to the point of insanity. So being the devoted investigative report er that I’ve always been, I decid ed to seek an answer to this pestilent question. I resolved that my investiga tion would begin with a question ing of an actual member of the Albemarle football team. I decid ed upon Doug Hayes as the right man for an interview. Doug has many attributes which qualify him for this honor, one being that he is co-captain of the football team. But most important is the fact that Doug is a close personal friend of mine and has often come to me for advice on academic matters; so I felt it time he re turned the favor. I cornered Doug Halloween Puzzle ByELLEN SNYDER SKELETON FULL MOON HALLOWEEN OCTOBER WITCH BROOMSTICK BLACK CAT GHOUL GOBLIN PUMPKIN BAT JACK-O-LANTERN SCARECROW COSTUME TRICK OR TREAT MASK G II E B E L 0 M P K B G T R 0 M A K F II E L J 0 H L E P U M P K I N F B D U S W J T L R C R T L G S 0 K B V S N W I S I B C I G E S H 0 I E T N U S T w S L M P c S 0 S 0 K c A p A E 0 J s u K M 0 C p E u W T 0 L K s J 0 M B s R I C 0 B J A c K 0 L A N T E R N E M K A W R L S c R J L B L K I R T B U H E 0 C L N A T S E II I F W D K A S E N F 0 C T 0 B E R C L N E B A c R S V A J K I E B W P L u 0 H G 0 C L R C K 0 H F G W I T A B C T K I L L M B S C T L D B F M 0 L A 0 L J K E S C 0 ' U V A A W N U R P I J H A L J C H Magazine Salespersons Unite one day in his study hall while he was wisely pretending to catch up on some much needed sleep (ob viously. he was diligently con templating the cryptic origins of the universe). I promptly inter rupted his meditation and con veyed my intentions for an ex- clusvie interview. Doug returned my communication with an af firmative nod of the head. I inter preted this primitive gesture as a sign of approval and commenced with my interrogation. First, I asked Doug why twice he failed to enter the end zone from one yard out. His astute reply was, “I don’t know. I choked, man.” Feeling that this answer was slightly in sufficient, I further inquired as to the reason all four Albemarle at tempts failed. Doug’s finely- tuned, expert opinion was, "I be lieve the held was too long, espe cially the last yard. I think it was longer than the other yards.” This second response had some merit. Was the last yard too long? If so, maybe Albemarle really did win. The mystery of the longest yard was finally falling into place. I probed the deepest corri- ders of my investigative mind in hopes of acquiring some idea as how to prove this conception of an Albemarle victory. Suddenly, to my utmost surprise, Doug had the brilliant idea of actually call ing Forest Hills by phone. He said that I could obtain the imperative number from the wall of the Teachers’ Pets By LEE ANN SIDES Have you ever wondered how teachers spend their free time? An unofficial survey indicates that the teachers of Albemarle Senior High, like any other nor mal people, have pets which are special to them. Dogs are the out standing preference among teachers, with cats in a distant second place. Mrs. Smith for example has two German Shepherds, Sam and Lady, and Mrs. Dennis has an “ugly and cute” Boston Terrier named Brutus. Mrs. Burleson, however, simply has a “dawg” named Smokey. Mr. and Mrs. Talbert, who are always full of surprises, apparently have been hiding two great musicians from the rest of the world. These talented in dividuals are Gretchen the Dachshund and Jasper the Cocker Spaniel. Gretchen can sit up and conduct the music while Jasper sings. Gretchen and Jasper, however, are not the only unusual pets that were discovered. Mrs. Brown has a mischievous Cock-A-Poo nam ed Muffin. When Mrs. Brown is playing a T.V. game. Muffin turns the game off so that Mrs Brown will play ball with him. If you think someone in the band can hit a squeaky note, wait until you hear Mr. Hedrick’s dog coaches’ office. Not having the athletic stature to be cleared for access into this distinctive and prestigious sanctuary for Albe marle coaches past and present, Doug assisted me in my quest for the all-important number. We journeyed to the very threshold of this secretive haven, cleverly situated in a bland dismal hall way next to the gym. After a quick look over from Coach Kluttz we were allowed to cross the boundary into the coaches’ utopia. This unparalleled football fantasyland filled my mind with awe. but I was speedily brought back to harsh, journalistic reality when my hawk-like vision spied the required number on the wall. Having recorded the information, I reluctantly departed from the impressive coaching facility. My next duty was obvious; I had to tele-communicate with the person in charge of preparing the Forest Hills football field for games. Being an ever-devoted in vestigative reporter, this is ex actly what I did. An anonymous voice answered the phone in a dull, unimaginative tone. I imme diately stated my identity and in sisted on speaking with the man in charge of the field. I sensed a cowardly shiver in his voice as he told some hastily conceived story of how the field preparation em ployee had gone home for the eve ning. I wasn’t about to let this low-life parasite divert me from attaining the truth. I kindly asked the imbecile if he would mind measuring their field and return ing to the phone with his results. There was an intense moment of silence and then our line was abruptly terminated. This weak- minded vermin obviously felt he was the victor in our conversa tion. but the elimination of this contact was no major catas trophe, for I had already solved the deceptive scandal. Due to the evident cover-up by the top Forest Hills officials and also due to the certainty of Doug Hayes’ valuable remarks, I cleverly deduced that Forest Hills had deviously and incorrect ly measured the last yard of their field, making it longer than the universally accepted length of a yard. This underhanded move on Forest Hills’ part cost Albe marle’s team the out right vic tory they deserved. Forest Hills almost succeeded with this dubious attack on fair and sports man-like conduct, but their intri cate planning and scheming was not superior enough to escape the unsurpassed journalistic talents of Rodney Harwood, Investiga tive Reporter. Now that this star tling event has been publicly recognized. I’m sure that the proper steps will be taken to award Albemarle the triumph of which we are worthy. that squeaks when she is petted. This “very lovable” dog is ap propriately named Squeaker. Perhaps Squeaker should con sider joining the band, or even that great duo of Gretchen and Jasper. Some teachers on the other hand, prefer cats. Mrs.,Carter, for example, has a twelve-year- old Siamese cat named Brownie. Mrs. Ellis’ cat, Abraham, is only five months old. Although he is still young, Abraham has already learned how to express himself. He bites Mrs. Ellis on the cheek every morning to wake her up. This amazing cat can even talk. When he eats peanut butter and then meows, it sounds like “Mama!” (Is that with a Spanish accent?) As you can see, the teachers have a number of pets which are as unique as the teachers them selves. Mrs. Kinsey, however, has the most unique pets. She loves those cockroaches! Bach Blalock is the friend and scientific companion of Mr. Bla lock. By LEE-ANNE WILLIAMS The annual magazine sale, sponsored by the ASHS student council, is back again and it seems bigger than ever. The pur pose, of course, is to sell as many magazines as possible. The money that is raised goes to the student activities of the school. There are two booklets from which to choose. One booklet con tains a wide variety of maga zines, paper-backs, and hard back books. The second order catalog contains music ranging from classical music to acid rock. For each sale the student re ceives a card to be exchanged for prizes. If a person sells one of the special magazines — TV GUIDE JET, SPORTS ILLUSTRATED, and TIME — he/she will receive two cards. With these cards one can win a Fighting Bulldog but ton. the smallest prize, up to the largest prizes which are a radio and a traffic light. The homeroom with the top sales will have a free pizza party. The homeroom teacher with the most sales will have dinner for two at a value of $25. There will be mystery envelop containing the names of three people. If those three people have sold at least four magazines they will re ceive $50 cash. Our goal this year is to sell $8000 worth of magazines com pared to only $6000 last year. If the school spirit stays up then we should not have any problem reaching this goal. So get out and start selling! ilii MW^i, Mrs. Brown’s dogs “baby sit” Michelle. “Sorry Michelle, this is the only way the picture could go in.” Above are Mrs. Talbert’s four pets: Jasper, Gretchen, baby Taren, and Mr. T.
Albemarle High School Student Newspaper
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Oct. 31, 1983, edition 1
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