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OCTOBER 1994
THE FULL MOON
PAGE 6
MOONSHINE
EDITOR: KEVIN LAMBERT
Uck^and Icf^
By Kevin Lambert and Dustin Poplin
Here we are once agairi, Ick and Uck cavemen extraordinaire. We are back to fuller your
knowledge of our awe inspiring adventure. Ick and I were very depressed at the beginning of our
journey due to the loss of our pet saber tooth tiger Chip, who jumped out of the postal jeep on the
inters]^ to attack a small inferior domesticated dog that was riding in the bed of a truck. But we
knew we would have to move on without him if we wanted to rescue Ted quickly and efficiently.
Little did we know at the time, but inevitable fate was upon us and Ted would have to wait while
minuscule adventures wiih circus freaks would sidetrack us for a bit. We first noticed the signs
when the postal jeep stopped moving. We shook it and beat it with our clubs to no prevail; the rotten
waste of sheet metal refused to start. So Ick and I salvaged all of its valuable parts, which we kept
in a gutted iguana skin and walked. Soon we made it to a town where we sold the parts for a small
sum of cash. We then walked to a nearby park, where a family of picnickers feasted on edibles
that made us horribly voracious. Ick and I decided to impose on them, chasing them down and
thrashing them like ragdolls. When we were done consuming. Ick had stumbled upon something
lhat piqued our interests. At the bottom of the picnic basket was a flyer for a local fair. He asked
me if we could go and I angrily slaj^d him in the hind part of his cerebellum with a hambone.
He took it as a no. Then he pointed at the bottom of the flyer, where it said, “Live sabertooth tiger! .
Unfortunately, we still had not learned to read and found no significance in it, but we still went
anyway. . u
By moonrise we were there. Our first endeavor was to attack the iron mutant beast that the
locals call the Zipper. We hit the monster with our clubs and then we were pushed in one of its
many mouths. The ride started to move really fast, and we began to feel sort of funny. After
violently beating its jaw, we fell to the ground and a few minutes later he stopped moving. A funny
man speaking in an unknown dialect, approached us angrily. We were in no mood for his childish
tirade, so we ripped his arm off and beat him with it. After we had properly tenderized his face,
Ick spotted a caravan of animals. One of which seemed strangely familiar. I gave Ick the “that s
Chip” grunt, and we charged his captors with the speed of one thousand rabid llamas, freeing Chip
to unleash his fangs and shish-ka-bob their puny little heads. The reunion was a happy moment
and after a short celebration, we were soon back on the road in an ice cream truck that we had
thefted from the fair parking lot. Then we drove off into the sunset with our clubs and our pride,
welcomine the adventures to come,
Uck and Ick, a.k.a. the Picnic Pirates
Here's a Treat, You Brat!
By Dustin Poplin
Halloween is here once again, and with it
comes the exciting activities for all ages. T^e
children enjoy trick or treating, some like visiting
haunted houses, others like watching horror
movies. One of my personal favorites is to
tourture the innocent beings that beg for candy.
I’ve created a few things that keep me enter
tained during this silly holiday.
A fun thing to do early is play “stupid and tell
them Halloween is next week. Maybe it was the
first house they visited, they believe you, and go
direcUy home. Another fun thing to do is act
insane and tell them “For legal reasons. I ve
taken a majority of the poison out of the candy.
They're back
The Totally 80’s Top Ten !
8
1
By Anna Norwood
Rewind. The awesome eighties are back.
Being a 1970’s classic rock fanatic, it was diffi
cult for me to begin my search for the hits of the
eighties; however, after dusting off the old tapes,
calling a few pals, and staying up to watch those
1-800-EIGHTIES numbers, I was successful. At
first I laughed at my collection, but later I realized
that I was not the only person who loved Bon
Jovi’i Slippery When W'et and the Dirty Dancing
soundtrack. The 1980’s were a time of independ
ence, punk-rock, and as Bobby Brown of New
Edition says, “My Perrogative!” The were some
groups that left us wondering what happened
such as the Pet Shop Boys, Buster Poindexter,
and the Culture Club. Twisted Sister,
Chicago, and Milli Vanilli ‘s songs will
remain forever in our memories—^pretty
scary for some of us, huh? So. everyone
start backtracking to a generation that
has come back in style. I know that it will
be more than difficult to remove the Eric
Clapton CD’s from your systems, but
you need to give these lost treasures a
whirl. Go check under your bed, raid
your sock drawer, or if you can swallow
your pride, go ask mother if she has any
of these memorable albums. There are
too many wonderful artists and songs
that qualify for the Top Ten list this
month so if yours isn’t on the list—get
over it and try out some of these classic
tunes by awesome artists.
go-go.
10. Kool and the Gang (Kocl and Fat!)
9. Wham (Wake me up before you
George!!)
Men at Work (867-5309—This one is for you
Palmer!!)
7. Devo (Enough said)
6. RUN DMC (recorded with Aerosmith—defi
nite cool points!)
5. Bangles. Banarama (women guitar players!!)
4. Madonna, Michael Jackson (same category)
3. Menudo (Go figure)
2. Debbie Gibson, Tiffani (Wanna-be’s)
.. New Kids on the Block (Don’t try and deny it-
you know this collection has the “Right Stuff !!!)
The 80’s are back In a big way.
A $3 J6 Exclusive!
Weekends for the Cash Impaired
By Kevin
For many of us, weekends hold undying memo
ries that will forever live on in the deep recesses
of our psyche. For others it was a lime of
tribulation due to a lack of funding for weekend
adventures. So here I am with a list of inexpen
sive weekend activities for those who don’t in-
I ropim
It’s even funnier watching them try to remember
what you gave them.
If you are more interested in simple methods,
here are some easy ones. Tell them to take out the
tiash while they’re leaving. If you are the violent
type, beat trick or treaters while they happily
walk up the sidewalk. If you are the aeative type,
you may want to give them sugar-coated ex-lax.
My personal favorite is to laugh at the weaklings
and take their candy.
Which ever method you choose. I’m sure
you’ll feel satisfied with the outcome. If not,
there is always haunted houses and movies.
Tommy finds that self portraits pique
his Interests.
Lambert
tend on letting an empty pocket get in the way of
fun. Onecaution is in order though. If during any
of these aaivities for S3.16 you get this article in
contact with your eye. immediately wash with
water and consult a physician.
- Talk for a minute and a half on the Psychic
Friends Network
- Indulge in a game of chicken with the local
motor club
- Photocopy your face for an exciting three minutes
- Buy a box of Alka Seltzer to feed unsuspecting
sea gulls
- Dance all night to the sounds of Kool and the
Gang’s “Celebration"
- Memorize the dates on three hundred and six
teen pennies
- Throw a party for your friends with a bottle of
Yoo-Hoo and a box of Toastchees
- Play volleyball in Wal-Mart’s sports aisle
- Rim around naked in a field of dasies
- Meet Mr. Big Time BeaUng at Britt’s Pool Hall
- Build a working car out of PVC pipe and
aluminum cans
- Pique your mind with a game of strip Jeopardy
with two of your ctosest friends
- Jump on your tied for 316 minutes.