Newspapers / Albemarle High School Student … / Oct. 1, 1994, edition 1 / Page 7
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OCTOBER 1994 THE FULL MOON PAGE? ¥ * MOONSHINE EDITOR: KEVIN LAMBERT Eno Esiw Eht By Kevin Lambert and Anna Norwood Once again, it is I, the Wise One. Since the last time you have heard from me, I have furthered the development of my friendship with Berry Saggitarius. Over the past few weeks, we have had many spiritual endeavors experimenting with a plethora of psychic toys. A few days ago. Berry and I had unleashed the power of our oujia board and contacted Confucius and Jim Morrison in hopes of fmding the Mad Hatter’s sacred tea cups. They told us that we could find them in a parallel dimension accessible only at 3; 16 A.M. at the back of a 24 hour Kroger grocery store while licking a purple spotted space monkey. We thanked them and began our trek to the glorious land of Spam. We remembered only one precaution that they told us not to forget—but unfortunately we forgot it. We arrived at Kroger at midnight and waited by the produce deptartment until 3:10 A.M. where we got horrendously thirsty and indulged in glasses of Tang. It was then that we remembered the all-knowing dead folks told us never to drink tang after midnight. When the gateway to the parallel dimension opened, we were drawn in by apower beyond our control. The parallel dimension seemed fairly normal except for the fact that everybody looked like Marv Albert and their conversations consisted of addictions to Crafimatic adjustable beds. Berry and I located the infamous teacups and then proceeded to take them back to our world. Unfortunately, due to our drinking Tang, the cups disintegrated when we attempted to take them throught the portal with us. I was terribly dissapointed, but not for long- my family in my home country of Sri Lanka sent me an invitation to the Wannalaya reunion. LFntil then, ponder over these informal meditations. -When I see an old lady fall over in the street, it makes me laugh. Then 1 think, “What if I was a bug and she landed on me?” Then it wouldn't be so fuimy anymore. -Can’t vegetarians and cannibals just get along? -Spread the word, the 80’s are over. It’s called “moving on,” check into it -If you work at a hopsital can you call in sick? -Why don’t they just call 7/11 ’s, 18? -Secrets must be hard to keep when your best friend is a psychic. -If the world ever needed an eighth wonder of the world, I think a good one would be Twinkies. No one knows how they are made and they taste better than large stone pyramids. -I think the reason p>eople are afraid of aliens is because they are small, green men with big eyes. But what if we were little green men too? Then they wouldn’t be as bad and we could fly with them in their saucers and a space monKey for a purple spotte Berry and the Wise One searc Gone are the Boring Autumns of Old By Heather Smith and Dustin Poplin As the days grow cooler and Autumn ap proaches, everyone starts thinking about that *wful task... raking leaves. Most people would father sit aroimd and watch iheir leaves turn Sreen with mold than to have to rake them. Relieve it or not, however, there are some crea- things to do with your leaves. The all-time favorite way of disposing of leaves is toblow into your neighbor’s yard. They will love you for allowing them to have twice as many *®aves to rake as they normally would. For all your enemies, stick the leaves in their gas lank or '*^you do not want to be quite that mean, just fill mailbox full of leaves. If you are a kid at |'*art, you can make a huge pile of leaves to jump for you and your friends. This will make a 8feat Sunday afternoon adventure. Our last and best tip for creative things to with your leaves 'o put them in a bag for all the little trick-or- ireatiers on Halloween. Be sure to tell them that this is the best candy they have ever tasted! With these few tips in mind, we hope you will no longer dread the long, tedious work of raking leaves, but instead you will allow your imagma- uon to run wild and just have fim!!! Helpful Advice and Daily Affirmatior^s We Feel Your Pain! By Anna Nonwood We are starting a new article for you, the smdents. TTiis new article will be an write-in column designed to give advice to students that have problems. These problems may vary from poor study habits to serious relationship dilem mas. For example, you and your boyfriend just broke up and you feel like the world has come to an end. Q: What do you do to get back on your feet Danyel wonders how she is going to get baci on her feet. and Heather Smith again? A: Everyone has had to go through this so don’t despair. Make sure you get out of the house with your friends. Don’t sit around and feel sorry for yourself. Things can only get better—after all if you broke up, then it wasn’t meant to be any way. Q. You’re at a party and all of your friends are pressuring you to drink butyou don’t know if you should. A: First of all, let us remind you that drinking underage is illegal. However, if you haven’t al ready encountered this problem then you will shortly. This doesn’t have a straight answer. If you feel that it is something wrong and you don’t want to do it then don’t. You don’t have to justify yourself to anyone because you have your own reasons for your actions. If you feel that it isn’t a big deal then who is to tell you that you are wrong. If you do decide to drink—please don’t drive and be careful. If you are interested in writing to the Thelma and Louise column or if you just need some advice from your peers we can be contacted at: Room 210 (Mrs. Hathcock’s room) Drop your question in the box and we will reply ASAP. Confidentiality is guaranteed, as you are not ob ligated to use your name or others' real names. So, feel free to contact us at any time and we'll be more than happy to help you oiit! Give Me Candy or Give Me Death! By Kevin Lambert Ge"e likes leaves, /ummy. Once again, October rolls around as it does every year, bringing with it the wondrously, happy holiday noted for its relation to anti-reli- gious acts, dead guys, and quasi-garbage bag costumes. That holiday is Halloween. And the biggest problem outside of world hunger is trying to find a way to ask for candy without having to resort to the terribly old and worn 'Trick or Treat". So my panel of celebrity experts and! have thought of a plethora of possibilities when Trick or Treat becomes a bit trite. Warning! The use of some of the statements below are subject to copyright infringement lawsuits, but we aren't going to worry about that right now, are we? Dirty Harry- So tell me, have I been to your house 5 or 6 times? You feel lucky or are you going to give me more candy PUNK? Tattoo- No chocolate covered ones boss, I want the plain. The plain! Heavy D-1 got nothing but love for your candy. I aVnn andBarrv- All we want is some pudding, baby. Elvis-1 want a hunka, hunka burning fudge. Robin- Holy calories Baunan! I think they have M&M's. Tnhn Bobbit- Please, anything but pecan logs! Tke Turner- C'mon baby, don't do Ike this way, just give him some Candy. Dr. Dre- give me .iome candy before you get pimp slapped. Katie anticipates a plethora of treats. R, Kelly-1 don't see nothing wrong with a little tooth decay. Patrick Henry- Give me candy or give me death! George Bush- Got to be prudent, got to have candy. Confuscious- If you give a man a fish, he will ...aw forget it, just give me some candy jerky. Lisa Locb- You say I only eat what I want to... Forrest Gump- Halloween is like a box of chocolates...you never know what you’re going to get. Jahn L^nnon- All we are saying is give me some candy!
Albemarle High School Student Newspaper
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Oct. 1, 1994, edition 1
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