Newspapers / Montreat College Student Newspaper / Jan. 16, 1990, edition 1 / Page 3
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The Aletheia, Page 3 Silent Communication What was that you didn't say? By BOB GRAHAM Staff Writer The female mind is one of the hardest things to try and decipher. Surely most men have had trouble in this area at some point in their lives. I am tallang about the way women can just look at each other and carry on a complete conversation without uttering the first syllable. I am talking about the phenomena known as silent communication. Now before you get the impression that I am being totally one sided on this issue, let me say that it is also true that men can also communicate without verbalization , but to a much lesser degree than women. I am of the opinion that women could communicate the plans for a nuclear bomb with just a glance if they wanted to. Let me provide you with a scenario to illustrate my point. Let's say a man, we will call him Jim, is attending a cocktail party. Now there are two women at this party, we will call them Buffy and Trish, who happen to start talking to Jim. The three of them talk for a moment and then it happens: Buffy looks at Trish, their eyes meet, and bingo! they have exchanged enough information on Jim to write a novel. They have decided and told each other, with silent communication, that Jim is: rich, eligible, incredibly attractive, probably a lawyer, wears a size 10 1/2 shoe, was raised in Detroit, has the most beautiful eyes they have ever seen, and the list goes on. I have done some amateur surveys among men on how women are able to perform this minor miracle with such perfunctory ease. The answers that I received ranged from the totally confused "I don't know" to such answers as, "they are aliens sent here to confuse us" or "they are possessed." The most promising reply that I received was that women had to be able to communicate without words because when they have infant children they must be able to tell what that child is thinking since it is unable to speak. This is a fairly good argument, but what does a baby know about nuclear bombs or shoe sizes on men that might be lawyers. I think that we must delve deeper into this most titillating topic to derive some meaning from this incredibly complex problem. Let us start at the beginning. Adam was put in the Garden of Eden by God. Adam was pretty lonely there all by himself with nothing but animals and vegetables to keep him company. God saw that Adam was lonely, so he hit him on the head and knocked him out and then took one of his ribs and made a companion for him in the form of a woman. Now this is where the trouble begins. Adam checks out this woman and decides to call her Eve, which I believe might have some hidden meaning, but I don't know what. Adam and Eve are perfect and without sin or guilt until Eve is tempted by a snake to eat the apple that God had forbad them to eat. Eve offers the apple to Adam who, like a good husband, takes it and eats from it too. Now God was not exactly happy about this so he threw them out of the Garden of Eden and told them that men would have to work for a living and women would suffer pain in child birth and hate snakes. This is the part of the story that everyone is familiar with from the Bible, but as Paul Harvey would say, "...and now the rest of the story." Adam and Eve are now having to live outside the Garden of Eden and do things that they never had to do before like working for a living and shopping for clothes. I'm sure that they must have had many fights oyer things like credit card bills and who gets to sleep on which side of the bed. Eve gave birth to many children and eventually had a daughter. Eve and her daughter were the only women on the entire planet, and they were related; which I'm sure you had probably already concluded. It was basically these two women against all of the men in the world. These women had to come up with some sort of way of gossiping about men, but they couldn't verbalize because they all lived in the same two story brick home. They were forced to communicate silently by the necessity of the situation. Eventually, the family grew and moved around until they had populated the entire earth with millions of women that could communicate with each other without saying the first word. I think that this basically covers the reason why women are able to transmit great volumes of data by telepathy. The next puzzling thing to try and decipher is how men and women that are in love can use this same modus operandi to communicate. I am sure you have seen them before; looking deep into each other's eyes and knowing exactly what the other one feels emotionally or what they had for dinner three weeks ago. It's enough to make you toss your cookies. I have come to a conclusion on this amazing phenomena as well. I believe that this started, not with Adam and Eve but with Noah and his wife. God flooded the earth for forty days and nights and Noah and his wife and their three sons along with their wives were all floating around the world for months in a boat filled with animals. This type of situation does not provide for much privacy in a married couples relationship, and you have four couples all sharing the same space. Therefore they were required by necessity to devise some way of communicating privately and thus turned to die means of silent communication that their wives already knew and were able to teach them. Of course women are basically more into communication in any form, which is evident from the phone bills that they incur and thus have kept these two forms of silent communication alive throughout the centuries because men more or less don't care. They teach their female offspring these talents from birth and they, in turn, must teach each man that they become romantically involved with the art of silent verbalization. They do not teach these men everything they know, because they must still be able to communicate with other members of the female species while in the presence of these trained males. I was initially under the impression that women could read men's minds as well, but I think that this may be an unsubstantiated claim. Therefore, I will only touch on this subject briefly, as a precaution, just in case I'm totally wrong on my assumption. The possibility that a woman can read a man's mind is almost frightening to think about, but couldn't be true because if they could, they would never speak to us again. I think that what gives this illusion is the fact that men are so predictable and conforming; so that women can read you like a book with large print. Just in case I'm wrong, you might try thinking something stupid like: the banana green brains stress the normal red psychedelic human to a point of disaster, and see if any women look puzzled when they are around you. However, this only works if you have women who don't look puzzled all the time anyway, to experiment with. I doubt that I have made any startling revelations in this narrative, but I hope the information that has been provided will help you to better understand the women that surround you. Don't spend too much time trying to figure them out; it cannot be done. The only hope that there is for men to figure out how to communicate silently is for some catastrophe to happen that would create the necessity for men to have to lepn how, and then a miracle that would follow causing them to remember what they have learned. In the meantime, we males must stick together! 'I'm sure that women are just as baffled by our interests in hunting, pickup trucks, baseball caps, chewing tobacco and so forth. But watch out, I have noticed that there are more women that are starting to figure these things out than there are men figuring out the art of silent communication. pi^^a 4lut 502 W. State Street Black Mountain 669-9455 ^ The Sanctity of Human Life Vigil An all night ecumenical service of prayer, meditation; scripture and song for the unborn, for all : whoparticipate in or support the taking of innocent human life, and for ourselves. SATURDAY JANUARY 20th 8:00 PM through JANUARY 21st 8:00 AM St. Mary^s Episcopal Church 337 Charlotte Street Asxheville, N.C. INFORMATION 686-5729 or 254-5836 Sponsored Jolndy by Life Advocates & NOEL* Asheville Chapter *National Organization of Episcopalians for Life
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