fP(^e Si^ ‘Ifie Metfieia
And While You Were Gone..
By: Nancy Gibbs
Priscilla Painton
Writers for Time magazine
(Note: At a time when the nation rejoices in the homecoming
of our soldiers, let us reflect on one of the letters welcoming
them home.)
DEAR SOLDIER, It used to be that when you went to war, you
stayed away for years, and life went on, and you were left
behind. This war thumped loudly past, and is over. But, we
were moving quickly too, even if no one really noticed, since
all the cameras and conversations were pointed in your
direction. Consider this a scrapbook of the moments we both
missed.
We made some discoveries. Scientists managed to pro
duce a perfect copy of the muscular dystrophy gene in mice.
A study by the American Bar Association found that white
males get the best car deals. Some biblical scholars concluded
that Jesus never said about 80% of the things the New Testa
ment says he said. A retired Wisconsin couple learned that
the oil painting that had hung in their living room for 30 years
was a Van Gogh. And as it turns out that if you run a mile and
a half every day, you get fewer head colds.
Democracy skipped and stumbled and blundered along
its puzzling way. Nobody in Washington could think or talk
of anything except the war, but the states pursued their own
parochial obsessions. Tennessee lawmakers banned the re
lease of more than 24 nonbiodegradable balloons by any one
person, in order to keep bits of rubber from choking the fish.
Ten state senators in Washington proposed that the eastern
part of Washington (state) be allowed to secede and form a
new state called Lincoln. "Lincoln was a great emancipator,"
said one of them," and we want emancipation from Seattle."
The Colorado House decided that you could be sued for
making derogatory comments about foods.
The war didn't cause the recession, but it took most of the
blame. Thirty states are deep in debt and considering
everything from taxing income to taxing pretzels. Eastern
Airlines, Continental and Pan Am all filed for Chapter 11. In
January alone, 232,000 workers lost their jobs. In Minnesota
the Teacher of the Year for 1990 was laid off.
Stamps now Cost .29 (cents).
While your Patriots were knocking Scuds out of the sky,
we found some new toys of our own. Sanyo has a voice-
operated car-stereo system that will swap CDs or summon a
radio traffic report on command. Sharp has a new miaowave
with a built-in blender that will mash potatoes while they
cook. Fidelity Electronics came out with a wristwatch that
doubles as a biological clock by telling you the best time of the
month to get pregnant. It sells for $59.95.
The patent office ruled that a smell, like a name or symbol,
can be trademarked, which came as a relief to the makers of a
scented embroidery kit in the shafx; of a skunk.
War abroad did not make us any more peaceful at home.
A man in New York City was acquitted after he cut up his
girlfriend for throwing him out of her apartment and served
her stewed finger to the homeless in Tompkins Square Park.
The jury decided he must have been crazy. Police in Florida
hunted down a roadside serial killer—a 34-year-old blond
who had signed a movie deal for her story before the charges
were even brought. Westchester County, N. Y., is hosting the
"Fatal Attraction" trial, in which a besotted schoolteacher is
charged with murdering her lover's wife, and having tryst
with him in a parking lot afterward.
The folks at CNN became part of the family. But every
now and then we needed some relief, something sweet and
harmless. Bambi was the year's best-selling video, and the
crowds at Disney World fell off only slightly. The biggest star
of the season was a 10-year-old kid you never heard of, whose
movie. Home Alone, made studio heads cry—especially the
ones who turned down the script. Gary died on thirty-
something, but Nancy survived her cancer, and Bart Simpson
passed all his courses.
Vanna White got married, and so did Tom Cruise, Meg
Ryan and Dennis Quaid (those last two to each other). Jane
Fonda and Ted Turner are engaged. Danny Thomas and
Margot Fonteyn died. James Brown was paroled.
Oprah, who was fat when you met her and thinner when
you left, is fat once more, and swears that she will never diet
again. Donald Trump used to be rich, but his emirate is
currently under siege by creditors.
McDonald's now serves packets of raw carrot sticks.
We still read the sports pages, but we tried to avoid the
war imagery to describe third-down situations. Roger Cle
mens became the first $5 million baseball player, and Pete
Rose was barred from the Hall of Fame. George Foreman will
soon be fighting for the Heavyweight Championship, and
Sugar Ray Leonard has retired. We think he means it this
time.
We may have buried the Vietnam-era mentally, but we
have resurrected its style: beehive hairdos are back, and day
glo minis, and beads. It is now possible to spend $60 on a
necktie that displays the contents of a man's medicine chest or
a collage of bus transfers.
You will find signs that you're returning to a different
country than the one you left in August: proud, resolute,
united and overwhelmed with national purpose. You will be
lavished with honors, medals and ribbons, streets named
after you. Desert Storm ice cream flavors. You who wrote to
us of your fears of coming home should not worry. No one
will spit on you. You will not be called baby killers, and we
promise that you will not grow old holding a sign in a subway
station: I'M A VETERAN. CAN YOU SPARE SOME
CHANGE?
There is much more, and you have some amazing stories
to tell. Put your feet up. We have all the time in the world.
Welcome home.
(Reprinted with permission from Time magazine, March 18,
1991)