Where in the world (or Montreat)?
Can you figure out where this building is located in Montreat? Be the
first one to send an email to albertsontj@montreat.edu with the correct
address and name of the building and you will win $10???? Hint: It was
used years ago as a dormitory for Montreat College students.
Mama Always Said The World
Needs Ditch Diggers Too...
by Ernest Wince
Editor’.s Note: This past fall the
Writing Center hosted a competi
tion for the best short story submit
ted by a student. The winner was
Mr. Ernest Wince and here is the
first installment of his winning ef
fort.
It was a day not unusual for No
vember as I stared out the window
of my second story office. The wind
had picked up and blown the fall
leaves against the curbs of the dirty
streets that made up my world. I in
haled long and hard from a Lucky
Strike and I won
dered out loud
f' how I was going
^ to pay the rent
■' on this dump...
when there came
a rap upon my
door, which
rattled the glass
that was thin and
cheap like the steak I had for din
ner. “Come in,” I said, sounding
more startled than I had planned.
Creaking like the soles of my worn
wing-tipped shoes, the door slowly
swung open. And there she
stood...eyes greener than the
grass on the other side, hair the
color of brown sugar, and
lips...red, like... like... well, I don’t
know what like, but really red. “Are
you E.L. Rhevan, Private Eye?”
She whispered. “That’s what the
sign says lady,” I said. She made
her way across the room to my
desk and sat down. “Can I help
you?” I asked. She reached in her
bag and exhumed a cigarette from
the silver sarcophagus she kept
them in. I noticed the letters R.M.
engraved on the top as she slipped
it back in her purse. She leaned
forward, and the smell of roses
filled the air as she said breath
lessly, “Gotta light?” I fumbled
with my Zippo lighter and lit her
smoke, and she sat back down star
ing at me as if I were her only hope,
as if she were drowning and I was
her lifeline. Frankly, it made me feel
like a leg of lamb at the soup kitchen
and I looked away.
After a few moments of silence,
she told me her name was
Rosemond, and that she needed my
help. “What’s your first name?” I
asked. “Rose,” she said. “Rose
Rosemond?” I said with a bite of
sarcasm. “No.” She quipped back.
“Ro.se is my first name and Mond is
my last name!” “AH! HAH!” I
yelled. “Now we’re getting some
where.” I sat back confidently in my
chair. “ Mr. Rhevan” she began. “I
have a problem, a very unusual prob
lem. There is a man named Eduardo
Tortellini who has unwarranted af
fections for me, and I believe things
may have gotten out of hand.” “Do
you feel that your life is in danger
Mrs. Mond?” I asked. “ It’s Miss,
and yes, I do feel that Mr. Tortellini
could harm me.” As she told me of
her problem, I felt myself drawn to
her, attracted like a child is to
candy...like a dog to a bone...like
a. ..well, let’s just say I really, really
liked her. We finished our interview
after discussing my fee, and I
watched as she walked out of my
office, down the street and around
the corner.
The next morning I awoke feel
ing better than I had felt since be
fore my kidney operation. I slicked
back my hair, put on my cleanest
white suit, brushed out the biggest
wrinkles, and headed down the street
to meet the beautiful Miss Mond. As
I pulled up to her residence on
Cherry Lane, I noticed Miss Mond
struggling with a man, six foot two,
muscular build with dark eyes and a
bad haircut. I ran to help her, and as
I reached them, I heard her scream,
“Let go of me Eduardo!” I grabbed
his shoulder and spun him around
and then, wham!
When I came to, Eduardo was
gone and Miss Mond was wiping my
forehead with a damp cloth. “ What
happened?” I said, a bit groggy.
“Eduardo surprised you with an up
percut,” she said. “He was the box
ing champ of his division during the
war.” She helped me up and began
to cry. “No one has ever stood up
for me like that,” she said. I wrapped
my arms about her waist as she bur
ied her face in my shoulder. “I fear
that he is going to kill me,” she cried.
“Stay away from him.” I said. At
least that was my plan I thought as I
caressed my swollen jaw. I could
see her breath in the cool air as she
asked for my gloves. “Of course,” I
said, a little embarrassed that I had
not offered. “Please, Mr. Rhevan,”
she asked, “Won’t you meet me to
night at his home to retrieve some
of my belongings that he has sto
len?” I just stared at her dumb
founded. “I...”I stammered. “He’ll
be out of town on business until to
morrow late,” she said, nuzzling up
to me like a cat rubs against his
master’s leg at feeding time. “Yes!
Yes!” I found myself saying. I was
overwhelmed that a woman of such
beauty would like a good-for-noth
ing, second-rate P.I. like me. (I re
called what my dear old mama used
to say, “Don’t worry E.L., the world
needs ditch diggers too.”) Miss
Mond and I planned to meet at 8:00
p.m. sharp to gather her stolen be
longings. I could barely wait until
then.
To be continued next week...
Ambassadors
Wanted!
We need Montreat College stu
dents to show prospective students
and their families around campus
and answer questions that only you
can answer best. You have already
made the decision these students are
trying to make....
If you choose to be an Ambassa
dor, you will improve your commu
nication skills, gain experience with
the public, and have an impressive
addition to your resume. At the same
time, you will be helping Montreat
College and meeting new people.
You get all of this and more, and we
only ask for you'to do two tours a
month. That is only two hours of
your time....
If you are interested, plea.se con
tact Tiffany Drummond in the Ad
missions Office at 3787 or just drop
by next time you are in Gaither.
Nature Shock
Continued from Page 1
once a year; all at once in the fall.
Thus the little joke tying the leaves
falling from the trees and the fact
that this season just happens to be
called/fl//. Yes, indeed that is a nice
little bit of east coast humor.
Trees were not the only differ
ence that I had to contend with here
on the East Coast. According to Pro
fessor Sonnenberg, there is no inter
national standard for when a stream
turns into a river. In actuality, accord
ing to the National Marine and Fish
eries Services the standard set for the
Coast Guard in regards to what is
considered a waterway important
enough to regulate is this: the Coast
Guard is responsible for any move
ment of water that is powerful
enough to “move a twig.” Obviously,
there is a set of inherit ambiguity in
regards to classifying bodies of wa
ter. However, my case of shock did
not come from the streams necessar
ily but when I saw “Lake Susan.”
This came as quite a shock, for the
simple reason, that where I come
from there is a body of water near
my house that is bigger than “Lake
Susan” and the locals called it a
pond. This may be some crazy Or
egonian expression, but nonetheless,
it was the environment that I was
raised in. “Lake Susan” coupled
with the non-pine trees caused me
to suffer from a severe case of Na
ture Shock, leaving me stunned and
unable to coordinate myself prop
erly. I was putting my left sock on
my right foot and my right sock on
my left foot. It was almost more than
I could bear. I won’t even go into
the differences between the Rocky
Mountains, and the mountains that
we live in.
Staff and Faculty
Continued from Page 1
in a number of library capacities.
She will be based at the Montreat
campus but will be traveling to
Asheville and Charlotte campu,ses as
she works with our other programs.
Don Talley is the new library media
assistant. Don has a B.A. degree
from Furman University with a ma
jor in computer science/business
administration. Martha Maude is the
library circulation assistant. She has
a B.A. degree in English literature
from the University of North Dakota.
Lauren Rayment recently
joined our staff as the new PLUS
Coordinator for the SPAS program.
Lauren graduated from Montreat in
May of 2000.
We welcome each and every new
member to the Montreat family. We
are glad to have you all on board!
Inauguration 2001
Continued from Page 1
change the “one size fits all” pack
age of benefits which no longer cov
ers “prescription drugs nor other rou
tine services such as annual physi
cals, vision tests, and hearing aids.”
Bush promises to reform Medicare
by allowing seniors to choose from
several packages, which will cover
some, or all of such necessities de
pending on the income level of the
participant. As is stated, it .seems
that Bush’s proposed reforms will
most benefit those in low-income
situations, as well as raise the stan
dard of public education, strengthen
the military and the scope of Medi
care coverage. Coverage of the
Presidential Inauguration begins on
all major networks at 11am Satur
day. The swearing in is at 11:30 and
the inaugural parade can be viewed
at 2pm on C-SPAN. Tune in and
watch history being made!
Lundblad's
Father Passes
Away
Professor Bonnie Lundblad’s father
passed away on Friday, December 29
at the age of 80. He had struggled
with emphysema the last several
years of his life. A memorial ser
vice was held in Arlington Heights,
IL, on January 13.
A
Movie Review
Coming Next Week!
"Left Behind" Scholars
Left Perplexed by Film
By Nathan Coblentz
The hugely anticipated film ad
aptation of the bestselling Left Be
hind series was met with mixed re
views as scholars of the series
pointed out multiple discrepancies
between the text of Left Behind and
the film.
A Mr. Bill Young, who graduated
from Liberty University with an
M.LBd., was particularly disap
pointed with the characterization of
Hattie Durham, the sexy stewardess
who worked with Rayford Steele.
“They never had an affair in the
book!” exclaimed Young. “But in
the movie [Rayford] kissed her on
the cheek, and that’s an affair!”
The details surrounding Hattie’s
and Rayford’s relationship are shady
at best. Some might argue from Left
Behind 3:39 that Rayford lusted af
ter Hattie in his heart, and that in it
self constitutes an affair. More lib
eral scholars in the newly exploding
field of Left Behind textual criticism
question the authenticity of that par
ticular text, on the grounds that it
might not have actually been writ
ten by Tim LaHae, but added hun
dreds of years later by editors.
Additional complaints were raised
by Miss Emily Stewart, 13, of Grand
Rapids, MI, one of the youngest stu
dents of Left Behind. “Chloe is way
too young in the movie,” she said.
“I’ll bet she only got the part ‘cause
she’s married to Kurt Cameron.
What’s with that shirt she’s wear
ing?”
Pastor Bob (M.LBd) of the Sen
sational Dispensational Tabernacle
of Glory Coming Again With Ven
geance In The Clouds Worship Cen
ter (which meets Sunday mornings
at 8:30 AM for the early service, and
11 AM for the second service) is
known for his harsh reaction to the
film. “LaHae is no better than Ju
das Iscariot himself,” ranted the pas
tor from Birmingham, Alabama, “He
sold his integrity for thirty pieces of
His and
Hers...
What is this? Are we talking about
towels here? No, this is an advice
column. You know, people write in
and ask all kinds of questions and
we answer them, right here in the
newspaper. So, you really think
someone would actually write to you
for advice? Sure, why not? I know
everything. Right. Besides, if I had
a question, / would write me. Oh,
that sounds lea] intelligent. Well, you
just wait. I am sure someone has
something to ask me. And if they
don’t, they can always ask me! I sup
pose if I get tons of letters, I could
let you answer a few. Yeah, sure.
Now, down to business. OK, you
people out there, laden with prob
lems you don’t know how to handle,
write us at DrGweeto@hotmail.com
and we will subjectively, objectively,
unprejudicially (is that a word?) an
swer anything you throw at us!
- Dr. and Mrs. Gweeto
silver and one day he will answer
to God for it.” Members of his con
gregation participated in a Left Be
hind cleansing ceremony, in which
thousands of copies of the books
were destroyed in fire and water.
Despite all this opposition, not ev
eryone is opposed to the film ver
sion. Stan Bamberg, who formerly
taught Bible and philosophy at
Montreat College, is known for his
enthusiasm for Left Behind. “I’ve
read them all six times each, and I
loved the movie,” he said with his
signature chuckle. “I’m almost
through with The Mark and I can’t
wait to see how it ends. I know that
as soon as I finish it I’ll just flip it
over and start reading it again.”
Left Behind, the series and the
film, have certainly left their mark
on American culture. While it has
garnered extreme reactions from op
posing camps, its message rings true
‘in the hearts of millions. Thus the
message is “Don’t get left behind.”
Karen's
Kitchen
Peanut Butter Balls
Editors’ Note: Before you pa.ss this ar
ticle up because you don’t have a
kitchen- this column has been created to
give simple recipes that you can do al
most anywhere-think of it as Karen’s
Dormroom or Karen’s Car or whatever-
read on, and enjoy!
Do you happen to be one of those
people who make those resolutions
once a year in January to eat a
healthier diet? The best way to keep
your new resolution is to make your
snacks creative and fun!
Combine in a medium bowl...
1/2 cup raisins
1/2 cup reduced-fat creamy peanut
butter
1/2 cup non-fat powdered milk,
1/2 cup semi-sweet chocolate chips
Stir until ingredients are mixed to
gether and formed in a ball. Roll into
balls about 3/4 inch in diameter and
store in refrigerator. Enjoy!
Montreal College Newspaper
Montreat College Box 838
Montreat, NC 28757
828.669.8012 Ext. 3710
Editor Tory Albertson
Assistant Editor Jenny Miller
Photographic Editor Karen Neal
Sponsor / Advisor Bob Graham
Writers Matt Draft
Jennifer Albertson
Donovan Campbell
Nathan Coblentz
Tim Tyson
Allison Andrews
Layout/Technical Tory Albertson
Bob Graham
Nathan Coblentz
Sarah Wolfe
The Montreal College Newspaper is published weekly
while school is in session. The views expressed in this
publication are not necessarily the views of Montreal
College, this newspaper or its staff. This paper is
sponsored by the Montreal College Alumni Office and
funding is provided by our advertisers, the Office of
Student Affairs, and the Montreal College Alumni
Office. Please direct any questions or comments to the
editor at albertsonlj@montreat.edu.
Paradox...
A seemingly contradictory statement that may nonetheless be true.
Some examples: The concept that light is a wave and light is a particle is a paradox.
The Trinity - God is .T persons yet God is one is a paradox. The concept that
chiropractic is good for your health could be considered a paradox. And, finally, a
husband and wife working happily together all day long is definitely a paradox!
\Cktr4frrm€ti4 Ctitiit ,
1132 Old Hwy 70 • Swannanoa Valley Medical Center
Call for an appointment today • 664.1600
• Most Insurance Accepted • 20% Di.scount with Alumni Discount Card