Newspapers / The Caduceus (Charlotte, N.C.) / Aug. 10, 1918, edition 1 / Page 18
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ft ' TrT?' r, I i l>- -J' '■ IP ^ i ■ " ' !’■ 'c r..: V* i'" ■ til i; r? 'i 'i'. §; :. 'i'-' 18 THE AWKWARD SQUAD Place: In front of the Enlisted Men’s Barracks, M. S. D. Time: Any old time in the last few weeks. One non-com, to act as drill mas ter. Any cranky, crabby, rip-snort ing, earth-pawing, razzing one will do. Hawkeye;” the elongated, step-lad- derified, six-fourter, with the rod-and- one-eight gait. “Quicksilver,” the veteran of two months, who carriest himself like an old-timer. One would imagine that he has been in' the service tor at least two days or three. With the stiff- kneed, trut and the wind-mill arms. “Reddy,” the c^mel-blacked, pole- “Venus,” sixty and a hall inches high, sixty-three Inches broad, and a smile. Suffering with bumleggo and a pair of 61-inch pants issued by the Base Hospital Q. M. C. Curtain. (Enter Venus and approaching drill master). “Here, sir, is the key to the drill grounds.” Shrill whistle: Drill master, 'All out.” Out of the slumbering barracks, slowly come creeping the brave war riors, Hawkeye, Quicksilver, Reddy and Venus. Hawkeye—“Ah, umm (business ot much stretching), “Gosh, just when a fellow’s ‘all in’, that guy has to spoil it by callin’ ‘all out.’” Drill master—“Pall in. Right (ir6ss.” Reddy does a double time and places himself in front ot d. m. (drill master). “You idiot, don’t you know what ‘front’ means?” Reddy—“Oh, yes, indeed, I do, sir; I was bellhop in the Seventh Avenue Hotel in Pittsburgh for a whole year and I know every time the clerk calls ‘Front,’ this little me has to be there. The non-com. finally gets started to- THE CADUCEUS. ward the drill ground. Hawkeye far in the lead, Venus meandering in the distant rear. Drill Master—“Here, here, Venus, get a move on, snap out of if. Ya walk like you was on the retreat.” Drill Master (alter putting ’em thru some twos-righting and wrong ing, etc.) “'Well, I’ll be bio wed to a bottle of bloody Bevo. Wjjy, you fools are dead from the neck up and petri fied from there down. Not one of you, except little Quickie here, knows his left from his right. Here, Quick silver, step up and show the bovs how you do it.” Quicksilver (time till he blushes). “Well, sir” (a little lisp and a lot of simper), “You see, I was born with a brown mole on my left side and when you say ,‘right’ or ‘left,’ I repeat to myself ‘mole side’ or ‘t’other side,' just as the case may be.” Drill Master (registering utter dis gust, throwing up of hands, tearing of hair, you know the gag). "Tach- ment,ten -shun. Double timg.” Away they go, Hawkeye like a “Pittsburgh Sun” in a windstorm. Quicksilver duck-strutting in the im mediate rear, the rest lost to sight. Drill Master—“Quick time.” Like the rain in Camp Greene, Hawkeye starts off and forgets to stop. In his rod and one eight gait he passes the ditch, barracks and then out of sight. Two days later the C. O. gets a telegram from him; “Still goin’ but getting fagged. Please rescind order.” C. O. wires back: “About face, double-quick time, Keep on going.” (Latest reports from the front say that Hawkeye has just passed Salis bury on his way back). Thru Brainiess—by D. M. Brill (ably assisted by our untiring friend “Stock.” HAPPINESS. Happiness goes out from the heart before it comes in. It never by any chance stays. You can harvest it for the common good, but you cannot store it for your sole use. You can lend it but you cannot bor row it; you can earn it but you can not buy it. You oan spend it, but you cannot cannot accumulate it. A man must contribute to the stock of human joy before he can participate in its profits. To seek happiness without giving it is a futile quest, and all our longings for what we have not learned to give others are as empty bottles in the wine Cellar of the soul. Happiness really never was any good .in this worid but to give away. L. S. M. * * * The fellow pushing his wheelbar row and paying his debts is getting rich faster than the fellow who is having gasoline charged. If you take this size in hats, it is a present, gratis, and WEAR it THE STARS AND STRIPES Thank God we can see, in the glory of morn, ^ The invincible flag that our fathers defended; And our hearts can repeat what the heroes have sworn. That war shall not end till the war-lust is ended. Then the bloodthirsty sword shall no longer be lord Of the nations oppressed by the conqueror s horde. But the banners of freedom shall peacefully wave Over the world of the free and the lands ot the brave. By HENRY VAN DYKE, In the Baptist Watchman-Examiner. “Y. & B.” Ice and Coal PHONES 210-211 QUICK DELIVERIES BEST QUALITIES If you are a Soldier You Need A Conklin Self-Filler Fountain Pen You Need A Waterman Fountain Pen You Need An Eversharp Magazine Pencil These will take you there and bring you back WE LIKE TO SHOW THEM at JNO. S. BLAKE DRUG CO. On the Square Open ail Night
The Caduceus (Charlotte, N.C.)
Standardized title groups preceding, succeeding, and alternate titles together.
Aug. 10, 1918, edition 1
18
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