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THE AWKWARD SQUAD
Place: In front of the Enlisted
Men’s Barracks, M. S. D.
Time: Any old time in the last few
One non-com, to act as drill mas
ter. Any cranky, crabby, rip-snort
ing, earth-pawing, razzing one will
Hawkeye;” the elongated, step-lad-
derified, six-fourter, with the rod-and-
“Quicksilver,” the veteran of two
months, who carriest himself like an
old-timer. One would imagine that he
has been in' the service tor at least
two days or three. With the stiff-
kneed, trut and the wind-mill arms.
“Reddy,” the c^mel-blacked, pole-
“Venus,” sixty and a hall inches
high, sixty-three Inches broad, and a
smile. Suffering with bumleggo and a
pair of 61-inch pants issued by the
Base Hospital Q. M. C.
(Enter Venus and approaching drill
master). “Here, sir, is the key to the
Shrill whistle: Drill master, 'All
Out of the slumbering barracks,
slowly come creeping the brave war
riors, Hawkeye, Quicksilver, Reddy
Hawkeye—“Ah, umm (business ot
much stretching), “Gosh, just when a
fellow’s ‘all in’, that guy has to spoil
it by callin’ ‘all out.’”
Drill master—“Pall in. Right
Reddy does a double time and
places himself in front ot d. m. (drill
master). “You idiot, don’t you know
what ‘front’ means?”
Reddy—“Oh, yes, indeed, I do, sir;
I was bellhop in the Seventh Avenue
Hotel in Pittsburgh for a whole year
and I know every time the clerk calls
‘Front,’ this little me has to be there.
The non-com. finally gets started to-
ward the drill ground. Hawkeye far
in the lead, Venus meandering in the
Drill Master—“Here, here, Venus,
get a move on, snap out of if. Ya
walk like you was on the retreat.”
Drill Master (alter putting ’em
thru some twos-righting and wrong
ing, etc.) “'Well, I’ll be bio wed to a
bottle of bloody Bevo. Wjjy, you fools
are dead from the neck up and petri
fied from there down. Not one of
you, except little Quickie here, knows
his left from his right. Here, Quick
silver, step up and show the bovs how
you do it.”
Quicksilver (time till he blushes).
“Well, sir” (a little lisp and a lot of
simper), “You see, I was born with a
brown mole on my left side and when
you say ,‘right’ or ‘left,’ I repeat to
myself ‘mole side’ or ‘t’other side,'
just as the case may be.”
Drill Master (registering utter dis
gust, throwing up of hands, tearing
of hair, you know the gag). "Tach-
ment,ten -shun. Double timg.”
Away they go, Hawkeye like a
“Pittsburgh Sun” in a windstorm.
Quicksilver duck-strutting in the im
mediate rear, the rest lost to sight.
Drill Master—“Quick time.”
Like the rain in Camp Greene,
Hawkeye starts off and forgets to
stop. In his rod and one eight gait
he passes the ditch, barracks and then
out of sight. Two days later the C.
O. gets a telegram from him;
“Still goin’ but getting fagged.
Please rescind order.”
C. O. wires back:
“About face, double-quick time,
Keep on going.”
(Latest reports from the front say
that Hawkeye has just passed Salis
bury on his way back).
Thru Brainiess—by D. M. Brill (ably
assisted by our untiring friend
Happiness goes out from the heart
before it comes in. It never by any
chance stays. You can harvest it for
the common good, but you cannot
store it for your sole use.
You can lend it but you cannot bor
row it; you can earn it but you can
not buy it. You oan spend it, but
you cannot cannot accumulate it. A
man must contribute to the stock of
human joy before he can participate
in its profits.
To seek happiness without giving it
is a futile quest, and all our longings
for what we have not learned to give
others are as empty bottles in the
wine Cellar of the soul. Happiness
really never was any good .in this
worid but to give away. L. S. M.
* * *
The fellow pushing his wheelbar
row and paying his debts is getting
rich faster than the fellow who is
having gasoline charged. If you take
this size in hats, it is a present, gratis,
and WEAR it
THE STARS AND STRIPES
Thank God we can see, in the glory of morn, ^
The invincible flag that our fathers defended;
And our hearts can repeat what the heroes have sworn.
That war shall not end till the war-lust is ended.
Then the bloodthirsty sword shall no longer be lord
Of the nations oppressed by the conqueror s horde.
But the banners of freedom shall peacefully wave
Over the world of the free and the lands ot the brave.
By HENRY VAN DYKE,
In the Baptist Watchman-Examiner.
“Y. & B.”
Ice and Coal
If you are a Soldier
A Conklin Self-Filler Fountain Pen
A Waterman Fountain Pen
An Eversharp Magazine Pencil
These will take you there and bring you back
WE LIKE TO SHOW THEM
at JNO. S. BLAKE DRUG CO.
On the Square Open ail Night