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PESSY MIST AND OP
TIMIST WRITE HANK
EAR Hank: —
This life is awful. This
is the worst camp I’ve
ever been in. It’s been so
cold here lately that I’ve
nearly frozen. I wish
they’d discharge us, the war’s over
anyhow and they’re just keeping us
here for spite.
I've had lumbago for the past week
so as I could hardly walk, but they
make me go on duty just the same.
Some of the patients have left, but
they were the best ones, of course it’s
always that way. And only the home
ly nurses are left.
The barracks are gloomier every
day and the orderly makes the fire
smoke so all day that it nearly chokes
The mall never comes and every
body is so bored evenings that they
become sick of life.
The chow has given me such in
digestion that I can hardly eat. There
have been several deaths lately—I’ve
often felt I was going to die too.
I cant sleep nights because 10 of
the men in my barracks snore so.
I cut my finger yesterday on a nail
which was sticking out on one of the
walls—it may be infected tomorrow.
That shows you how careless the men
are about nails. They’re a rough
bunch anyway and always want to
Well, I hope I can get home soon;
the folks say they want me to stick
it out here, but I’m going home just
to spite them.
' Pessy Mist.
Before you go to
Think of all the things
You want to do
Then when you awake
And gird your loins
For the day of action.
You try to think
Of what you want
To do and
I’ll,be darned if
You can locate
A single thing
You thought of
Just before you
Went to sleep.
Artemus DeTect was a retired yet
respectable society man of fifty odd
summers and 3 even ones. He had
green skins of large denomination and
enuff to furnish nameplates for a
whole days output of the N. Y. Amer
Old DeTect had one Offspring, Kant,.
named after a Book which had been
ALL RIGHT IN PLACE
Barracks Barber (after the finishing
smear with the ubiquitous lather):
“How do you like our new oatmeal
Victim Substrate: “Seems nourish
ing,—but I’ve just had nvy breakfast!'’
THE OTHER ONE
I’m feeling tip-top here—I feel like
uprooting a couple of pines every
morning for breakfast. My appetite is
enormous and we get plenty to eat and
good stuff too. You’ll wish you’d been
in the Army after I knock you over
a couple of times.
It’s been brisk the last week but it
puts pep into us and makes us healthy
Lots have been leaving and soon
they’ll close the place and we’ll all
be back home.
Our barracks are full of real army
men, hardy,and rugged. They’re al
ways out for the bright side, and as
we sit by the smokey stove and
smoke, it seems sometimes iike a big
camping party which was stormbound
A bunch of the nurses have left
to be transferred to other places. We
were sorry to see them go, but glad
to feel they were happy at the change.
The few that are left are jolly and
evenings at the Red Cross fly by quick
ly and pleasantly.
I haven’t had many letters of late,
but I know there isn’t much to write
and that my friends are waiting to
talk with me when they see me. Any
how no news is good news.
Give everybody my veribest regards
and tell ’em all I’ll see ’em soon.
presented to Father DeTect years ago
by a studious Friend. Altho’ DeTect
had never been able to read the Book,
nevertheless he learned to respect it
and hald it sacred. He had hoped
that his sen might be held in the
same light. It happened that his son
was, but the light went out.
Kant had, ever since the baby-car
riage era, a strong Proclivity to In
vestigation and Deduction. Such sal
ient points as: fire burns, water pours,
ice melts, etc., were to him an Open
Book; most of the other Books were
closed to him however.
Nevertheless he read Dick Merrl-
wel vigorously, and knew Sherlock
Holmes from the Kick-off to the Finish.
He omitted none of the Greater Mas
ters either, such as Gaboriau, Anna
Katherine Green and LeBlanc, to say
nothing of Edgar A. Poe. In fact the
Boy was shrouded in Mystery. He
was the greatest Mystery to his Par
ents; they marvelled as to what to
do with him.
Now it came about that Kant be
came of age and his Generous Parent
looked upon the Detective Profession
as a caterpillar does on a parched
leaf. He would rather Kant would
become a Retail Grocery Clerk than
a Secret Service Ferret.
Then a great thing happened: these
United States went to war, Kant was
drafted—and—there was no Detec
tive Detachment in the Army. What
was to become of our Hero? Was he
to sink into oblivion in the surried
ranks? Was his talent to be lost,
and of no avail in the Legions of Vic
Then where did they put him that
he might utilize these divinely cul
tivated attributes of Detecting?
—Kant was given the post as Bar
racks Sergeant for Barracks No. 3. '