Newspapers / The Caduceus (Charlotte, N.C.) / Jan. 18, 1919, edition 1 / Page 12
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=S. THE CADUCEUS Delivered by HOWARD K. THOMPSON TOO MUCH WASTE STARS AND STRIPES. HRISTENING of an Edi torial Column is like breaking a quart of the finest Burgundy on the keel of a launching ship. —so much good liquor wasted, for no title can adequately portray the contents of the “subse quent unmentionables.” The following titles for this column come to mind: “Septic Wounds,” “Light Anaesthetics,” “Resterilized,” “Handouts at Deth’s Door” etc., ad libetum. We trust the flavor of the pills con tained in these paragraphs will neither mar or provoka the gentle patience of our gentle patients and readers SOCIETY NOTES. _Sgt. 1st Class Goldstein has just re ceived his furlough for a month to be spent in the Bahamas. All his expens es are to be paid by the Q. M. He wanted to go down by Pullman to Florida, but they insisted oa giving him a private yacht all the way; also they wanted him to tako a couple of buddies along with him. He asked for Joe Lawlor to go, but Joe said he was too much absorbed in making a set of X-Ray which he ex pects to present to present to the Brit ish Museum in three years. Sgt. yickery was offered a commis sion again, but he refused, saying that ?100 per week was enuff for any one and that he didn’t like the Manufactur ers’ Club anyway. The men in the Medical Supply have been giving a series of mid night suppers at which there has been found a leather pocket book contain ing several hundred dollars. It. bears the initial “G,” so it very probably belongs to Gates; if he will call at the S. O. L. Club this afternoon, same will be delivered to him. The Probes of “C’’ row have decid ed to hold a series of Coming-Out par ties. These will be given at the Fire- Station Club-house in case of flames. Corporal *—=X=j8pp has a new job; he is Keeper and Guard of the Alco hol in Ward X. It was morning at Port Pink Put tee. Kelley was sewing. What was he sewing? A dawdawb or dewhinkey? No —a chevron. What kind of a chevron? A wound chevron. What did he get it for? He wore seven wound chevrons, as follows: 1. Vaccination smash and gash. 2. Stear from bady aimed scuttle of hash. , 3. Bruise from stray Cheery Collar bottle at a party. 4. Contusion from fall while roller skating. 5. Inoculation stab. 6. Abrasion from nail in new-issue trench shoes. 7. Cut from sharp edges of a new card deck. The new wound stripe was awarded for a recent hair-cut. Smith came into the tent with his left arm raised as if to scratch his head, revealing a golden key sewed onto his blouse 2" 1-3 inches below the armpit. “Curse you, where did you get that?” bellowed Kelley in sotto-voce. “This I won,” announced Smith, “ “keeping the key to the alcohol cabi net away from Imbibing Bill!” "Curse you again,” exclaimed the downcast and miserable Kelley, “that makes 26 insignia for you to rny 23!” “Slacker! ” “Draft-evader!’’ 'Phe heretofore friendly buddies' were now henceforth hated enemies. That afternoon there was a large flock of claims at the “Office of Own ers’’ for the “Token of Helpfulness- badge, which was a green-velvet hand clutching an axe rampant, surmount ed by a bull d’or. Only three of the claimants receiv ed this, however. three men were Corps. It came Durin gthe evening killed in the Stank about as follows: Pvt. Black had volunteered in Sko- whegan, July 4th, whereas PVt. Brown had been drafted in OBhkosh on July 3d. Of course this entitles Black to one more black dot on his hat, where as Brown could only wear one less dot than Black, and had to wear BROWN DOTS. BUT BLACK’S BLACK DOTS! HAD FADED UNTIL THEY WERE BROWN! Men in service from Skowhegan can wear dots made only with Smear’s black Ink, whereas those who registered at Oshkosh must only use Mudd’s brown ink. That’s the way it all started. (2 B Continued.) OUR MEDIC COLORS A-l Honorable-Humpty-Ump-Lance Corporal-Third-Class Jones passed be fore the tent. He was weighed down with insignia as follows: Three wirstlets on right, each one representing a New Year’s resolution; a silver razor on left chest, for keep ing some one from cutting himself by bifmping into him; a blue ribbon on the right ankle, for dancing with a Technician; 2 sleighbells on the belt- buckle for bravery while being burn ed with hot soup; and other geegaws. The corporal accidently slipped on a carelessly thrown potato peeling and came crashing down into the mud. Instantly seventy-nine enlisted men (and some draftees) rushed up to help Jones. This has no reference whatever to dancing, with some of its inevitable disasters, although I admit that the temptation to write something about dancing came to me almost as soon as the lines of the face. (■- r
The Caduceus (Charlotte, N.C.)
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Jan. 18, 1919, edition 1
12
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