november 2001
opinions &
page 5
James M.
Phillips
The Man
in the
Yellow Hat
Well, it’s that
time of year,
folks. In the
dorm rooms
of seniors all
across cam
pus, there
lingers in the
air a heavy
scent of gra
phite and perspiration as our
lovely “older” (and by older I
mean cooler) students scram
ble to finish college and schol
arship applications. Now, for
the most part, college applica
tions are incredibly boring and
mundane, comprised of little
blanks to be filled with Social
Security numbers and other
such nonsense. However,
there is one section of the
application that allows the
applicant to completely
express him or herself, and
allows the college in question
to understand the person
behind the numbers. I am of
course referring to the infa
mous college essay, which I
myself am awaiting with
bated breath and great antici
pation to write this year.
Actually, I am a horrible pro
crastinator and have not really
started any applications or
essays, but I have begun the
important process of “formu
lating ideas” (procrastinator
speak for sitting around, play
ing video games), which I
plan to share with you, my
lovely reader.
Perhaps the most
typical topic for an application
essay is “Describe a
time/event that greatly
changed you as a person” or
some more complicated ver
sion of that statement that
basically means the same
thing. There have to be a great
deal of equally typical
responses that colleges
receive. This probably makes
reading these applications
extremely boring and tedious.
How many essays about com
munity service and helping
others can one college admis
sions councilor take before he
or she suddenly snaps and
goes postal? So, keeping that
in mind, I have attempted to
formulate a response that will
make colleges understand my
exceptionality, and make my
essay stick out from the pack.
I want to transcend stereo
types, be seen as a complete
individual, and write the per
fect “unique” college essay to
express my “unique” self
while I sit in my room wear
ing a pair of Abercrombie
jeans, listening to Blink 182
for inspiration.
So here I am, sitting
in my room, trying to figure
out some truly distinctive
event in my life to bestow
upon the colleges of America
in the form of written word
that will make them say,
“Wow, this fellow James
Phillips is perfect for Ivy
University. In fact, let’s pay
him to come here, name a
building after him, and change
our one hundred year old
insignia to resemble his hand
some visage.” As you can tell,
I do not want to be seen as any
regular guy off the street. Of
course, being the brilliant and
talented individual that I am,
an idea has come to me. That
idea involves Twizzlers.
That’s, right, Twizzlers, that
delicious cherry flavored
licorice candy, were directly
involved in an event that great
ly changed me as a person, and
were integrally involved in the
shaping of my personality, so
much so that I am willing to
write my college essay about
the event that brought
Twizzlers into my life.
Well, I guess I should
start from the beginning. I
have one sister, Anne, who is
two years older than I. We
have always had an interesting
relationship. We get along
very well now that I go to
boarding school and she goes
to college, but in the days
when we still lived together,
we fought like Pygmy war
riors. We were always at each
other’s throats, and there was
nothing our parents could do
about it. Invariably, we would
have at least one fist fight a
week, and the bickering
between us never ceased. The
sad thing was that Anne would
always win the fights.
Anyway, one year around
Thanksgiving, my family and
I went to Peimsylvania to visit
my grandparents for the holi
day. As was usual, Arme and I
fought for the first half of the
trip about delineating sides of
the back seat. By the time we
arrived to our grandparents,
we were in rare form, even
though blood had yet to spill.
The next day, our aunt took us
to a movie to calm our restless
spirits. At the theater, Anne
bought a half-pound bag of
Twizzlers with some
allowance that she had saved.
I was never one to save
money, so I could not buy any
candy.
I still vividly remem
ber asking Anne if I could
have a Twizzler, and her refus
ing just to torment me. By the
end of the movie, Anne had
eaten half a pound of
Twizzlers by herself, just so
that I would not get to eat any,
and I was extremely angry. We
got back to our grandparents’
house and we went about our
separate business, avoiding
each other. 1 was deeply
engrossed in organizing junk
mail, one of my favorite hob
bies, when I heard a sound
from the dining room. I ran to
see what was going on and
[Reader Discretion Advised]
when I got to the dining room
I found my sister throwing up
sweet smelling red vomit all
over the carpet. The scent of
Twizzlers was overwhelming.
My first response was that of.
any good brother; I started
laughing at her.
From that day on,
Twizzlers have been my
favorite candy. I started liking
them so much because I could
use them to torment my sister,
since she could no longer
stand the sight of them. Her
attempt to make me jealous of
her candy had backfired into
something I will be able to
bother her with for the rest of
her life. My use of Twizzlers
to annoy my sister evolved
into a true love for the candy.
I am now a Twizzler expert. I
can tell the exact expiration
date of a package of Twizzlers
by tasting them. I open the
package and carefully smell
them to tell if they are from a
good vintage or not. I am a
true connoisseur. I will eat
only the best. That story, told
much more carefully and in
better detail, will be what gets
me into college, I guarantee it.
It demonstrates a great change
in my life, and the event that
inspired it. What more could
they ask for?
Mentorship
fVanna know why
The Man in the Yellow Hat
is also referred to as
“Naked James”?
fVr\d>&uAr.
www.ncssm.edu/stentorian
From the Front Page
implement a mentorship fair.
The fair will be akin to an
interview process where stu
dents can find mentors in a
special area of study. As a
side benefit, it will give more
exposure to corporate spon
sors who are interested in tak
ing mentorship students.
“I also want to somehow
tie Mini-Term into this,” he
said. According
to Mr. Trocano,
it may even be
possible for stu
dents to come
during the sum
mer to take
advantage of
summer oppor
tunities or learn
the basics of
their topic
before the start
of the school year,
for this to happen, though,
students will have to have
found their mentors by the
end of the junior year.
“Through this program,
students have a unique chance
to design their own program
and learning contract. I think
it’s an awesome program. It’s
a valuable experience because
students can find out what
they do or don’t want to do,”
said Mr. Trocano.
Graham Child Development
Center. Right now she is help
ing with the design of a search
engine.
Nuclear Engineering at NCSU
Gabe Campell works on sur
face modifications of materi
als with plasma. Plasma treat
ments are used particularly in
the textile industry, and they
are a relatively cheap and safe
alternative to chemical treat-
m e n t s .
Plasma can
modify the
water
repellence,
strength,
etc. of fab
rics.
“Basically, I
put stuff in
Mr. Trocano: Chemistry teacher by day, plasma and
mentorship director by afternoon.
In order changes properties...it’s purple,”
Gabe said.
W
ho is taking advan
tage of the mentor
ship program?
Web Design
Kelly Hoops works with the
webmaster of Frank Porter
Neurosurgery at Duke: Shan
Tang works with the head of
the Neurosurgery Department
Allan Friedman, shadowing
his brain surgery. “Brains pul
sate,” she said.
Chemical Engineering at
NCSU: Allison Trott looks at
biological processes in order
to find their chemical compo
nents and mathematically
model them. Her field of
research is biomimetics,
which NASA is working to
develop. It involves manipu
lating the properties of mate
rials in order for them to
remember shapes.
Nightmare on ALT Day
Jessica Jean Hudgens
S LIOI. Five syllables
that strike fear into the
heart of every junior.
The one hour on every ALT
Day devoted to learning
about sex, drugs, and diversi
ty. We all know about these
things, anyway. Instead of
spending this hour on home
work or something more aca
demic, juniors at NCSSM
must waste an hour in a class
room listening to lectures.
Most Science &
Math students have taken a
class dealing with sex or
drugs. Every health class in
North Carolina has a section
dealing with drugs, and a sec
tion dealing with sex. What
are we going to learn in one
hour that we haven’t learned
in the past few years, either
through a health class or per
sonal experience? Chances
are that every student here
came from a school that had a
few druggies or teenage par
ents. State tax dollars could
be better spent than paying
for Student Life classes.
Diversity is a totally
separate issue. The purpose
of the SLlOl diversity cours
es is to teach tolerance for the
different people in the world,
and in this school. It is
understood that everyone has
different backgrounds. It is
very hard to believe, howev
er, that any one of us came
from a school totally devoid
of diversity—blacks, whites,
Indians, Asians, gays, les
bians, Muslims, Jews. The
cities and towns we came
from are not stuck in some
sort of time warp. We don’t
live in the 50s. Our neigh
borhoods and schools are not
solely one race anymore.
Every student is exposed to
different people in his or her
life— at school, work, even
just going to .the store.
Living in the dorms here with
thirty other students of differ
ent races, religions, and
lifestyles is a lesson in diver
sity in and of itself. At any
rate, tolerance for diversity
isn’t something that can be
taught. Especially not in one
hour.
Theoretically, SLIOI
is a great idea. Everyone
needs to learn about sex,
drugs, and diversity. And
everyone does—through per
sonal experiences. The jun
iors here have little influence,
however, in decisions regard
ing whether or not they must
take these classes. So, for the
next ALT Day, we will once
again take a class on sex,
drugs and alcohol, or diversi
ty. Starting in December,
we’ll learn about the “well
ness model.” I’m sure the
entire junior class shares my
excitement.