* i.,. Li X. >. t
. I ! t ’ i , i
mm
■iM
i i !
5 stentorian 2004
opied
the stentorian | ncssm
Two-Headed Columnist
Takes On Love
Maggie Thompson and
Sarah Rubin
I n the spirit of the
Valentine's Day Stentorian
Issue, your beloved two-
headed columnist has decided
to tackle the most difficult
issue of them all - love, rela
tionships and mutations there
of here at the School of
Science and Math (besides, in
a doldrums kind of month like
February, what else is there to
write about?).
There are many kinds
of love on our fair campus -
your blind hero worship of us,
for example, but there is little
to explore in these relation
ships: they also tend to be sim
ple, straightforward cases of
idolatry. Something far more
interesting to this column is
the ever-popular boyfriend-
girlfriend relationship.
Now, many of you
may be familiar with this
"boyfriend" concept, but for
the irmocent in the audience,
we will provide a brief
overview, S&M style. Boy
meets girl, boy waits two
weeks according the rule
ordained by the wise RLAs,
boy flirts with girl, girl gets
tired of waiting and asks boy if
he wants to go out or jf he's^
just been wasting her time. In a
normal universe, this would
often entail the commence
ment of "dates" in which the
boy and the girl actually go out
somewhere and do something
(hence the development of the
term "going out"), but at
C7o: JKyra
!j^a Sa cfa cfa cfaaa!
Souin y oul
'■me
Cho,
We love you
god! Teach us
the ways of
CHOT. Cop-out.
Love always,
-Lil' Squig
and friends
Science and Math, we always
have to be different.
"Why actually go
out?" say Science and
Mathers. Dates and cars are
overrated. We are perfectly
happy sitting around at hall
doorways and in breezeways
and on the senior bench and
sometimes in the middle of the
hall doing HOMEWORK and
calling it a date. Yes, dear read
ers, you recognize all too well
the scenario in which you try
to navigate the Reynolds
breezeway without stepping on
or bumping into a couple inti
mately ... doing math prob
lems. These couples appear to
take no notice of passersby. In
fact, there is seems to be an
unspoken "couple radius".
This zone ranges from about
one to ten feet, depending on
the intensity of the homework
(couples doing chemistry tend
to get rowdy). Nevertheless,
travelers through the breeze-
ways after 8:30 should enter at
their own risk.
The lack of real dates
tends to present a problem for
the males of NCSSM. Boys in
the real world are able to pick
up their dates in automobiles.
Here, with no means of reli
able transportation, they are
somewhat at a loss. Taking the
loop is possible, but instead of
the confident, "I'll pick you up
at seven," a dater is left with
only the awkward, "I'll pick
you up at...um, can we just
meet in Watts?" On week-
nights, boys are the ones who
generally make the trek to the
BBR complex. This generates
an interesting phenomenon,
when, at 10:25, boys are seen
streaming from every dark
t comer on campus as they rush
to make 10:30 check.
So, with Valentine’s
Day looming, we hope that
this column provides some
insight into the ingenious
methods students here have
developed to circumvent the
various restrictions imposed
by the ever-watchful SLI's. A
Happy Valentine's day to all,
and to all a goodbye.
Jessica and Matt show of “love” NCSSM style.
Buller-
"Minerva save us
from the cloying
syrup of coercive
compassion! - Paglia
The four am talks
that make no Sense
Fountains of
Laughter the
hold Us tight
And your sage
advice, always
Right
Our days of Paglia
and nights of onion.
The consideration
you shOu) -
And the amount
that you know
The fact that you
like bad rhyming
And understand
good timing
Not sure what I did
to deserve you
But friends like you
are far and few
Which is my dylexic
way of saying
I love you!
Dane Emmerling
Leah Land, Keneisha
Quick, Yvan Grahaf"^
and my 12 children.
This year has
been really tough,
but thanks so much
for sticking by me.
All my
babies/Vovanti, Tish,
Leah, Keneisha,
Isaac, etc) I Love you
and God bless you,
Nicole Caviness
Margaret, Melanie,
Annu, Caroline,
Release your
inner Carlos! He
loves you! All
of you!
JlCom and Urandma,
you two are very speciaf
women in my fife. Ufappy
Uafeniines T!!ay.
Soue,
CBrandon ^ocdfear
Jessica Lee,
I hope yister
Falls on his keester
FOR YOU
-From the
three twins
!J£e Passionate Sooer,
One ylance is allit tafes,
U£epassion, t£e fire we feeL
f)uc£ andweaue t£rouy£ t£e
crowd,
9n eac£oi£er^s arms a^ain^
we sleep.
!7^eacej C£aron Uallejo
Lil' Trifle,
Clean up da hall.
Love,
Jen Gun
dork.
(i love you)
will
Nothing beats a
good hug. I love
you Yuki.
Will
O^oses are TRed
Uiofels are OSfue
fICy Love is forever
^'roznyou Fnow w£o.
Rachel,
One day your Japanese
son and my German •
daughter v/ill meet, look
at us and our respective
partners, and say, "This
doesn't really make
sense." I’ll look at him
wearing a football jersey
with an American flag on
it and you'll look at her
wearing too much make
up, having insisted on
wearing a skirt even
though it's a cold day, and
we'll look at each other
and say, 'This makes per
fect sense." From
Assembly Hall secret notes
to semi-blind dates you've
been there for me, to
have a laugh and to argue
about what constitutes a
productive waste of
You’ve always given me
the utmost honesty and
trust. Thanks. -Bryan
OOna JlCarlinez,
fJo deep ii sforl and
sweet,
Side OOna, my treat,
^^ZfSere j notSiny Left to
say,
Dfaue a ffappy
Uafentine^s TOay. "
-Soue CSrandon