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June 20010 opinion the stentorian I ncssm Words of Advice from a Graduate-to-be By Ade Ilesanmi When I moved into NCSSM last year, the only way I envisioned myself changing was through my scientific and mathematical knowledge, and I’m sure that’s the mindset most new students come here with. Don’t get me wrong, I did, more or less, gain more academic leverage, but there were so, so many experiences I never anticipated going through that make me feel like I can take on just about any situation that the real world hands me. I was embarrassingly naive and knew a lot less than I thought. However, I’ve learned some life skills both from experience and from observation that I think are even more important than what any physics or research class can teach, and I hope that everyone who reads this can take at least pne of these lessons to heart for the future. They’re in no particular order, only written as they came to mind. 1. No matter how nice you are, not everyone will like you. Deal with it, and move on. 2. Your opinion ALWAYS matters. That doesn’t mean it’s right. 3. If you think you’re hot stuff now, wait till you get to the real world. You’re in for a rude awakening. 4. Maintain your integrity in all social environments. Obnoxiousness and excessive flirtation don’t get you fiiends, just bad reputations. 5. Take risks but don’t be stupid about it. ’^cough’*' drug bust *cough* 6. Make sure you go OUTSIDE of your comfort zone. Don’t try to drag other people into it. 7. Don’t stretch yourself too thin. Who are you trying to impress, really? 8. It’s better to be a girl that’s intimidating than a girl that gets around because at least you’ll still have your dignity when the day is done. 9. Most of the guys here aren’t worth it. 10. Never forget where you came from, who your parents are, and what you believe in. 11. Make sure you believe in something; otherwise, life is just meaningless. 12. Don’t be ashamed if you stand out, and don’t conform to the norm. 13. Cursing is fun. Just don’t do it excessively. 14. There’s nothing wrong with fobbing out. 15. Don’t do things just because you think you’ll look bad if you don’t. Who cares? 16. Keep your fiiends close and your enemies blocked on Facebook. 17. Sometimes you just HAVE to tell the truth. 18. Sometimes you just HAVE to lie. 19. If you didn’t have a life outside of your schoolwdrk, research, and extracurriculars, then you haven’t really learned as much as you think. 20. Not all teachers are worth kissing up to. Like I said, maintain your integrity. 21. Don’t forget about the big picture, that there’s a life outside of the bubble and lives that need to be touched. 22. If you think you’ve got your fijture figured out now, you’ve got another thing coming. 23. There’snothingwrong with wanting to look your best on a day-to-day basis. 24. If you’re interested, go for it! 25. Nobody knows what the fiiture holds, so stop acting like you do. 26. Arguing never gets you anywhere. 27. A sincere smile will always make someone feel better. 28. If you don’t like or agree with something, speak up, but don’t be buck. 29. Life would be easier if we all got along, but since that’s not the case, aim for at least being civil. 30. Seniors, don’t come back from college to visit until at least after Christmas Break. Embrace the freedom. 31. We’re almost adults, which means it’s time to start dressing and looking like adults, people. True Love: Results May Vary By maili Lim She was never allowed to wear makeup out, or dress in brightly colored clothing. When she left the house alone he forbade her from talking to other men. They met through a matchmaker who rendered them a good fit, and within a brief two months of knowing each other, they were married. And for fifty-nine years, this was the life my grandmother lived. In today’s world, the emphasis is placed on the spark ignited between two people. We tend to characterize romance by a head-spinning rush of the moment—one that defines love as it is marketed to us. To most Americans, to marry without love is the end- all, be-all—a life without it is a life not worth living. To be Belle trapped in the castle of the Beast is unfath omable. But imagine for one second a love that doesn’t pre cipitate from any of those cli che experiences—exit butter flies in the stomach, palpitating hearts and raging hormones. What happens when we re move attraction from the equa tion? The arranged marriage is a perfect example. In a tradi tional arranged marriage, two people are chosen for each oth er by their parents or an elder who is well-acquainted with both parties. Common in Asian and Af rican countries, the arranged marriage is a clear-headed deci sion made based on personality and interests, and sometimes social or financial necessities. Couples-to-be are given a few months at most before settling in together. Perhaps you are thinking what a dismal (maybe even horrific) situation this is. And under the inflexible circum stances of an arranged mar riage, it’s easy to believe that the union would not only be miserable, but also short-lived. This logic seems intuitive: you marry someone you bare ly know, can’t bear the things they do, and living with them soon becomes intolerable. Af ter all, it had barely been a half a year before my grandmother began to realize she couldn’t stand my grandfather. He was domineering, harsh, and insensitive—how could she possibly love this man? Yet time made her the mother of five children, and although she thought about leaving her husband, she never followed through. Interestingly enough, only 0-5% of arranged marriages end in divorce, as opposed to the 50% rate of failure in American marriages as report ed by the Center for Disease Control and Prevention. How can this be? Isn’t love, especially smoldering, pas sionate love, supposed to last forever? Only in theory. But for my grandmother, it was the agonizing memory of growing up motherless that gave her the strength to perform her duty as a mother. She refused to let her own children suffer for her actions. But for most, what is sparked instantaneously by a flood of emotion nearly always ends just as quickly; after the pas sion fades, you are left with the other person, un-obscured by the rose-colored lenses of lust. Hence, instead of being the last resort, divorce has become disturbingly rampant amongst couples. Too often, we forget about compromise, commit ment, and consideration of others in the chase for our own selfish happiness. We get so caught up in our idea of soul mates and perfectly-packaged relationships and ready-made marriages that we forget what it takes to build one. This isn’t to say arranged marriages are the ideal circum stance, but they do remind us of several important things. For one, true love mani fests in a variety of different ways. You find that you can’t stop thinking about your best fiiend. Belle falls in love with the Beast. My grandparents walk along the coast of southern Califor nia holding hands. When I first envision love I no longer imag ine the butterflies in my stom ach, but one man’s refusal to let his wife consume leftovers because it reminds him of the times she never had enough to eat. I don’t think about the passionate lovemaking under a swaying palm tree but my grandfather accompanying my grandmother across a busy in tersection in her old age. We can find happiness any where, but only upon realizing that true love is not the result of chemistry but the product of hard work and commitment. The arranged marriage teaches us that while marriage itself may not be a walk in the park, we can learn to love. It’s summertime in Cali fornia, and I wake up at 5:00 AM on a Tuesday morning to walk along the harbor with my grandparents. Every small step they take together brings them only further. Soon they see a bench, and sit down in silence. The sun has yet to climb into the indigo sky and there are no words between them, but in my heart I can hear the echoing of all fifty-nine years, testament to everything true love is and has always been. Dame’s Chicken and Waffles Review 'i stentorian 2010- 2011 Editors-in-Chief: Davis Goodnight, Ade Ilesanmi, and Seon Kang 2011- 2012 Editors-in-Chief: Caroline deSaussure, Ashley Jemigan, and Olivia Truax Advisor: John Kirk By Matt Jordan It’s a unique combination: something that leaves those who’ve experienced it amazed, and something that repulses those who haven’t. It is the essence of Gestalt theory, a spiritual experience steeped in synergy, and most of all, it’s delicious. Dame’s Chicken and Waffles is not what one would expect for a joint that serves, as it’s title suggests, fned chicken on top of a waffle. Simply describing the namesake food as a combination of each of its parts misses the experience. It brings to mind the image of a grease-ridden hole-in-the- wall that ran out of ingredients for real food, and was forced to rely on sticking a lunch/diimer classic on a breakfast staple. This is, in fact, the antithesis of the establishment that is Dame’s. What you’ll find instead at Dame’s is a classy atmosphere, with hardwood floors and posters of the great jazz musicians adorning the walls. The building seems steeped in as much culture as the meals themselves, which, at a soul- food restaurant is certainly saying something. Though despite the atmosphere, the waiters, clad in T-shirts proclaiming “What the cluck?” make the restaurant less of a restaurant and more of the comforting home of say, a distant relative. However, even if you ignore the atmosphere, there’s always the food. What initially sounds like an abominable medley, the beauty of “Chicken and Waffles” is a paramount experience for your tastebuds, a beautiful marriage of savory and sweet. Their simple menu consists of an array of chicken/waffle arrangements, with waffles ranging from blueberry to sweet potato, and chicken selections ranging from panko encrusted cutlets, to classic fned thighs, wings and cutlets. Most items are adorned with pecans or walnuts, and all come with a ball of Dame’s homemade “shmears,” which essentially boils down to exquisitely flavored butter, usually coming in fmit flavors. All items also come with a choice of a homemade side, which contain all the southern classics (buttery grits, expertly seasoned macaroni and cheese, collared greens) to surprisingly delicious Suit bowls. Most dishes cost between eight and twelve dollars, so it’s a bit more expensive than lower quality restaurants (Bali Hai), but it is worth every penny. A simple description fails to encompass the spectrum of flavor that these southern classics so expertly paint upon one’s pallet. Instead, I’ll be forced to rely on the fables of ‘good southern food,’ where the food, though filed, isn’t “greasy,” where flavor arises from an expert selection of classic southern delicacies, and most importantly the sweet tea is to die for (which, at Dame’s it most certainly is). I can’t recommend Dame’s highly enough, explaining why I’ve gone there every weekend since hearing of it. However, because most of you reading this don t know where this joint is, I ve been told to include some directions: Since Dame’s is situated nicely on Main Street in Durham, walking takes about 45 minutes; DATA is much easier. Simply take the bus (which leaves at the :45 on the hour) to the station, and walk north to Main street. It’s not well advertised, but it is googleable, and well worth the journey.
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