December 16, 1949
THE LEXHIPEP
Page 15
Peggy Costner:
Barbara DeLapp:
A SAPP’S
FIBBLES
By A SAPP
The level to which
A mind is sinking
Depends a lot
On what it’s thinking.
I don’t see how football players ever get clean.
Silly! What do you think the scrub team is for?
Teeny Redwine: Did you get hurt when you were on the football team?
Sonny Timberlake: Nope. It was while the team was on me.
Sidney Proctor: Oh, it’s not the school. It’s the principal of the thing.
Miss Reid Why don’t you like s chool, Sid?
Don Leonard: Can you stand on your head?
“Shag” Everhart: Nope. It’s too high.
Girl, arriving at the end of the third inning of a baseball game: What’s
the score, Harry?
Harry: Nothing to nothing.
Girl: Goody, goody! We haven’t missed a thing.
Harry Rainey: After rain falls, when does it get up again?
Mr. Clark: In dew time, my boy, in dew time.
Tabloid Biography .
High chair
High school
High stool
High finance
High hat
“Hi, Warden!”
FAMOUS LAST WORDS
Gimme a match. I think my gas tank’s empty.
You can make it easy. That train isn’t coming fast.
Step on her, boy. We’re only doing seventy-five.
If you knew anything, you wouldn’t be a traffic cop.
Buddy Crowell: Charles Harris hasn’t been out one night for three weeks.
Bill ’Trexler: Has he turned over a new leaf?
Buddy: Nope. ’Turned over his dad’s new car.
Pickett: You saw this lady driving toward you. Why didn’t you give
her half of the road?
“Dimous” Beck: I was going to just as soon as I could find out which
half she wanted.
Miss Manning drove into a service station to complain that her car was
using up too much gas. The attendant pointed to the choke lever, which
protruded from the dashboard. “Do you know what this is for?” he asked.
“Oh, that,” said Miss Manning airily. “I never use it, so I keep it pulled
out to hang my handbag on.”
Mrs. Redwine: What did your father say when you told him you’d
smashed up the car?
Jim: Shall I leave out the swear words?
Mrs. Redwine: Certainly.
Jim: He didn’t say a word.
Mr Clark: Does she know much about cars?
Mr. Bowen: Naw, she thinks you cool the motor by stripping the gears.
Mr. Wike: This makes the fifth time I have punished you this week.
What have you to say?
“Beetle” Craven: I’m glad it’s Friday, sir.
First Kangaroo: Annabell, where’s the baby?
Second Kangaroo: My goodness; I’ve had my pocket picked!
Coach Bowen: How many bones have you in your body?
Don Tesh: Nine hundred.
Coach: That’s a good many more than I have.
Don: Yeah, but I had sardines for lunch.
Mr. Leonard: In what battle did General Wolfe, hearing of victory,
say, "I die happy”?
Herbert Sink: His last battle.
Class President: Congratulate me! I won the election!
Pop: Honestly?
Prez: Oh, why bring that up?
Mr. Maus: Now, if I lay three eggs here and five eggs over there, how
many eggs will I have?
Bobby Leonard: Well, to tell you the truth, I don’t believe you can do it.
Mr. Hill: Well, son, how are your marks?
Charles Hill: ’They’re under water.
Mr. Hill: What do you mean under water?
Charles: Below C level.
Don Hege: But I don’t think I deserve quite a zero on this paper.
Miss Sugg: Neither do I, but it’s the lowest mark I can give.
Mrs. Lewis: Name two pronouns.
Corky King: Who, me?
WILSON’S GROCERY
Winston Road Phone 2402
SEASON’S GREETINGS
JORDAN’S MEN’S SHOP
‘“The Shop of Friendly Service”
MERRY CHRISTMAS
LEXINGTON DRUG
COMPANY
Lexington’s Prescription Drug
Store for Over 51 Years
Same Management
HOLIDAY GREETINGS FROM
Piedmont Furniture Co.
PHONE 2368
NORTH MAIN STREET
MITCHELL HARE’S GARAGE
Wishes Everyone A
F. HARB, Service Manager
Your Holiday Entertainment
Saturday (Christmas Eve) Late Show
Sunday-Monday, December 25-26
“Holiday Affair”
Robert Mitchum
Tuesday-Wednesday, December 27-28
Milton Berle — Virginia Mayo
“Always Leave Them Laughing”
Thursday-Friday, December 29-30
Jane Wyman — Dennis Morgan
“Lady Takes a Sailor”