Friday, March 24, 1950
THE LEXHIPEP
Page S
Stoner's
Snitchings
Dedicated to the Wolverines who
are still on the prowl:
Just give me a man
With a million or two,
Or one that is handsome
Would happily do,
A dashing young fellow
Is swell any day.
Or one like Farley Granger
Would suit me O.K.
P.S. But if the man shortage should
get any worse go back to the very
first line of this little verse!
That’s the nature of men . . .
Not to love when we love them.
And to love when we love them not.
INQUIRING REPORTER
If you had a flibbertigibbet, what
would you do with it?*
Mary Jane—eat it.
"Teeny”—keep my distance.
Amelia—hide it!
Carlton Bverhart—make a pet out
of it!
Jerry Perkins—give it to Miss Man
ning.
Victor Kirkman—go crazy trying to
pronounce it.
Sonny Hames—keep it for a souve
nir.
Norma (“Butter”) Smith—cover it
up.
Janet Brown—throw it out the win
dow,
Joe Conrad—I’d sleep with it!
Wayne Crowell—I’d ride in it.
“Kitty”—calm it down.
Don Purdee—wouldn’t let anyone
know I had it.
Martha Deonard—I’d blow it up.
Joanie Green—make it do my home
work.
Frank Koonts—I’d train it to talk.
Foyle Wagner—walk down the street
with it.
Bobby Koonts—I’d put it in a cage.
RECORD REVIEW
Oh, it is I.
A reporter too,
Come to report
On the Record Review.
That Mule Train
Clipping close to the top
Along with I Can Dream, Can’t I?
That won’t be stopped.
Vaughn Monroe’s new
Record Bamboo
May be the one
Just for you.
Chattanooga hoeshine Boy
And Bag Mop
Are the two jazz numbers
At the top.
Perhaps and If I Knew You Were
Coming
Are coming in fast.
There’s No Tomorrow
Won’t be last.
Some advice to you:
A song will lend
Save Your Confederate Money,
Boys, ’Cause the South’s Gonna
Rise Again.
“SNOW” MAN
Must have the:
clothes of—Q-Ball
Personality of—“Preacher”
Build of—Charlie
Disposition of—“Big-Wag”
Eyes of—Raymond Roberson
Hair of—Dimous
Friendliness of—Joe Conrad
Vitality of—Herbie (yack)
Tthletic ability of—Carter
Cuteess of—Bobby Koonts
DREAM GIRL
must have the:
figure of—Hinge
Clothes of—Peggy Costner
Personality of—Teeny
Hair of—Amelia
Eyes of—Kitty
Wit of—Martha Leonard
Cuteness of—Nancy Allen
•Flibbertigibbet—a woman that talks
too much.
‘'Music Hath Charm”—Shakespeare
By Two Notes (We Note Everything)
Theme songs seem to be in the air these days. For no particular reason,
they just are. While strolling through the halls we happened to overhear
some of them.
Timberlake was singing to “Teeny,” “Down By the Old Mill Stream”
but “Teeny” answered back with “Mamma Won’t Let Me Go Fishing With
You.”
Then there was “Dimous singing to Amelia “Those Little White Lies,”
while Amelia answered back with “I’m Sorry I Made You Cry”; and Crow,
who had silently been watching, strolled off singing “I Can Dream, Can’t I?
Of course we couldn’t miss that couple you “Always” see “Together”-
Joanie and Cootie. If I wasn’t mistaken I think' I heard Joanie singing
“He’s My King faize Papa,” and Cootie obediently answered with, ‘I’m Just a
Prisoner of Love.'
It wouldn’t do to tell the names of all the boys that constantly sing
“Drinking Wine Spoodeeodee,” but they know who they are!
“Rumors Are Fiying” chat Barbara and Sid are saying “It’s All Over
Now.” “This (Joulan t Be True, It Couldn’t Be True, Or Could It?
From
gether”.
‘Sunset to Sunrise” you can always see Martha and Carter “To-
Now
boy?
“You
There goes Betsy down the hall singing “If You Are But a Dream.”
we wonder-what she means by that?
Over there is Sue Carol. What’s that she’s singing to another
“You, You, You Are the One.” Herbert just came up to her and sang.
Can’t Be True, Dear.” I guess he meant “Too Many Sweethearts.”
All of these girls that have diamonds make their theme song, “True
or “Someday”; but they better be careful “Because” “All That Glistens is
Not (aold,” and they might change their tune to “I Wish I Were Single
Again.”
Some of those little eighth grade gals are really a “Temptation,” boys.
You know you don’t have to wait till they are “Sweet Sixteen” to ask for
a date.
That Harry Gore surely didn’t lose any time with Marie when she and
Vernon Darr broke up. I just overheard Marie tell Harry to quit smiling so
much, “People Will Say We’re In Love,” but Harry said, “I Don’t Care Who
Knows It,”
We have quite a “Heart-Breaker” around here. Just “Ask Anyone Who
Knows.” Say, Mr. Hill, how many girls have you tried to snow lately? oh,
well, “Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow!”
“There Goes That Song Again,” wonder who’s singing “Blue Moon” now?
Might have known, here comes Corky!
Well, well, well, here comes Mary Jane singing “Carolina Moon.” Of
course that couldn’t have anything to do with a certain college now, could it?
It seems like Grant Beisecker and Gail Long have consented to try it
“Again.” We hope this time it will last “Forever and Ever.”
Did you see- that good-looking boy Peggy Koonts was “Strolling” down
the street with “One Sunday Afternoon”? Seems she has her fancy in Reeds.
If I had a “Ghost of a Chance With You,” I’d be satisfied. Tony Solo
mon is “Wishing” he had this chance with Doris Sneed. ,
Hoyle Wagner seems to be “Slipping Around” with Eve Hargrave quite
a bit lately. “Sooner or Later” this might become “Heartaches.”
Donree’s been singing “Those Wedding Bells Are Breaking Up That Old
Gang of Mine. Oh, well, those “Wedding Bells” might be ringing for you
soon.
Johnny Gobble likes to be “Near You,” Sue Mitchell. Sue says “I’ll
Never Smile Again” if you leave me for “Always”.
Just Because” Paul Agner is with you from “Sunset to Sunrise ” Billie
Fritts says, “I’ll String Along With You,”
Tommy, “If You But Knew” that Gail Long is dating “Always,” could
there be “Jealousy” in your mind?
“Ask Anyone Who Knows” and they’ll tell you that Bernice Rider would
be “Lost Without You,” Curtis.
Carolyn Moore, why don’t you “Confess” that you hope that “Someday”
you can date Johnny Griffith.
Blake Crouse is seen down at Blanche Cox’s house “Sunday, Monday or
Always”. Could it be that “You, You, You Are the One?”
“If I’d Known You Were Coming I’d Baked
Jack when he came over “Saturday Night.”
Its mighty interesting to hear about Beetle Craven’s asking Pat Street-
man for dates. “Patience and Fortitude,” Beetle, maybe she wants to be
Near You,’ but who knows that "You Were Only Fooling.”
“They Didn’t Believe Me” when I told them that Macky Redwine was
writing ‘Love Letters” to a girl at Salem.
Peggy Lovell would like to have “Someone Like You,” Don Curry “I’ll
“With My Eyes Wide Open” “Until” “I’ll See You In My
a Cake,” Betty Lou told
Walk Alone'
Dreams.”
“I’ll Give
Chevrolet.
You My Word.”
For
Lib McDowell is seen constantly in a ’41
‘Ah, Sweet Mystery of Life”—“The Melodies Linger On” “Time Waits
No One,” so “I’ll Be Seeing You.” ‘"rill Ten”-“Tallvhoi”
PICKETT AND GREEN, The Shop for Men
SNACK SHOP
TOASTED SANDWICHES
Ice Cream and Frosty Malt
COMPLIMENTS
OF
SMITH & FRITTS
O NOW
LISTEN
—^Pe£:gie McCulloch
The reason why the average girl
would rather have beauty than brains
is that the average man can see bet
ter than he can think.
* * * •
When a woman driver sticks out
her hand to turn, it means — the
window is open.
* * * *
I am twenty-five cents.
I am not on speaking terms with the
butcher.
I am too small to buy a quart of ice
cream.
I am not large enough to purchase a
box of candy.
I am too small to buy a ticket to a
movie.
I am hardly fit for a tip, but—believe
me, when I go to church on Sun
day I am considered some money,
* * • *
Men look shorter when they sit
down these days—they’re sitting on
flat wallets.
* * « *
Statistics prove that locomotives are
not afraid of automobiles.
• • • •
Sign on the steps of a courthouse:
'‘This way for Marriage Licenses —
Watch Your Step.”
* * * •
Why is that a woman, who usually
wears no more than five pounds of
clothing at a time, packs a suitcase
with 37 pounds of clothes for a week
end trip?
* * • *
One worker to another: “Whom do
I see about a raise? I’m new here!”
* * * *
One sorority girl to another: “Whom
should I date this wek end, the Cadil
lac or Buick?”
* * * •
A compliment is like a whiff of
perfume. It should be inhaled, not
swallowed.
* * * *
If a man reaches into a hat and
pulls out a rabbit, it’s magic. If a
woman reaches into her handbag for
a door key and pulls out a door key,
it’s a miracle.
* * . * *
Son speaking to father who is look
ing at report card: “You can see she’s
against me—she has me even dumber
than I was last month, and you know
that’s impossible.”
* * * «
Budget—Method of planned worry.
• * . *
Fur Coat—Thing that keeps a wom
an warm and quiet.
* * * «
Women are like newspapers because:
They have forms;
Are made up;
Have bold types;
They always have the last word;
Back numbers are not in demand;
They have a great deal of influence;
They are well worth looking over;
You cannot believe everything they
say;
They carry the;news wherever they go;
They are never afraid to speak;
They are much thinner than they
used to be;
Every man should have one of his
own and not borrow from his
neighbors.
FOR PROMPT & COURTEOUS
SERVICE
Dial 2331 Dial
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