Newspapers / Grimsley High School Student … / April 3, 1978, edition 1 / Page 2
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Pasre 2 FRIED LIFE Monday, April 3, 1978 PESTS Take Over GHS Camp US In the past few decades, the problem of rat, louse, and cock roach infestation has become exceedingly unbearable. These PESTS are literally taking over the halls and classrooms of the Main, Cafeteria, Old Science, and Voactional Buildings. To make matters worse. Stu dent Council is succumbing to the demands of these invading intru ders. The PESTS were represen ted at the last council meeting by Harvey L. Cockroach. The leader pointed out that the current PEST population at GHS outnumbers the student enrollment threefold, and the number is rapidly grow ing. It appears that the PESTS are rallying for reforms on the Grim- sley campus that will greatly alter future student life. For instance. Cockroach put in a bid for more slop to be served at lunchtime in the Cafeteria. The PEST leader also fought for special versions of various library books that can be read by flies (that have multi-view vision). Already PESTS are installing their own rows of lockers beneath the tile baseboards in the Main Hall. And a complex network of tunnels is already in operation between floors and buildings of our campus, connecting the fur thest south Old Science class room .with the furthest north Vocational classroom, thus mak ing it possible for swift PESTS to span the distance in four seconds or less. It is even rumored that the PEST organization (P.E.S.T. stands for Popular Exoskeletal Society of Tramplers - members range from thousands of ants to three rabbits) has tunneled out a mobilization center beneath the, front lawn. Even more alarming is the fact that students are actually associating with these creatures. Some even have frequent lunches with popular PEST cliques. PESTS are already infesting the walls and floorboards, yet there is still talk of busing in more of the raunchier breed from the Page, Smith, and Dudley districts. PESTS are more than just taking over! Rabbits are excelling in Child Development, Guinea Pigs are doing great in Biology, and Lice appear to have mastered the Foods and Nutrition course. A valedictorian is to be chosen among the reading-major moles, while' the “Jock-of-the-Year” award will go to a snail, and the “Cutest and Most Spirited” award will be received by an outstanding slug. A graduating class of 30,000 is expected, which requires the making of many diplomas from tiny fern fronds and camellia leaves. These will be sprayed, however, to prevent the PES'l'S from gnawing on them during commencement exercises. We should beware of these PESTS! Raid has been banned here, now, and Orldn man jokes have been declared anathema. As proud Grimsley students, we should not let this takeover continue. We should put our foot down. . . but watch where we put it. (CRUNCH! Squi-i-ish. . . UghI) Your Editor Grimsley To Be Rebuilt In Future He Man Howard For years, students have com plained of aging school buildings. Now, there are twelve fine courts just above our heads. Soon to come are a high-rise library on the front lawn, a specialty restau rant similar to the Commons at Forum VI, and a multi-level shopping mall-type school store Polls For Reform 17,333 Grimsley Seniors were accosted in the Main Hall last week and asked: “Do you eat in the school cafeteria?” No -1-735% Tasty favorites among these “Yes” people were: Alpo Casserole Chicken Guess What Pea Jeilo 95% 175% 385% I Another 201,178 Grimsley Juniors were asked: I “Did you attend the Grand Opening of Mr. Balance’s Adult Bookstand jin the School Store?” i Yes You Bet Wouldn’t Have Missed It For The World 15% «0% , Of those “yeses:” " *15% won erotic doorprizes I *800% obser\’ed Ms. Pethel’s Hooia-Hoop demonstration, and Mr. Gfenn’s pop out of a giant cake, while wearing a pink tutu. I Some 7,384.543 sophomores (including sophomorish Juniors and Seniors) were asked which diaper brand they preferred: Pampers Kimbies No Response But ”Goo!” 5% 10% 85% This same group was also asked how many teeth they had lost this year: One Three Seven Eight-t- Just “Goo” 15% 30% 40% 14% Only 8% of the above knew their moltipUcation tables up to 4x9, 136]. New Courts Finished Due to rising complaints of overcrowdedness the outdated Grimsley tennis courts have been replaced by luxurious indoor fac ilities atop the Main Hall. This is but the first step in an oversall plan to completely reconstruct the GHS campus. Of particular interest is the low cost in construction. Lines were spray-painted on the roof with donated paint and the roof was made of notebook paper and other litter found around the campus. No ideas have been produced as to what walls shall be built of, as is evident from this photo. Life at Page: No Life At All Editor of HIGH LIFE: I am a tired oppressed “stu dent” at Walter Hines Page High School. This is more of a plea for help than a letter. They torture us over here you know! You guys really have it easy over there in your plush surroundings, each of you with your own little foreign car. Listen for a while to what we have to put up with: My day begins at 6:01 sharp when the drillmaster in my dis trict herds up the Page kids in my neighborhood. We are slapped across our faces to wake uS up, and are hurled from our sleeping quarters into the cold asphalt world of the “pre-paper boy” streets. Barefoot, we sit huddled together, shivering, in our tat tered “uniforms” awaiting the chains. When we are all bound together, we begin our five mile march through Red Neck Acres. Our cruel leaders yell such insults as “REDNECK!” and “Go back to the Hills’” as we continue our pilgrimage. The district leaders snicker and duck as those “grits” hurl pieces of garbage at us, “cuss us out,” and narrowly miss us in their jacked up Chevies. When we finally get to school nursing our wounds, we are all made to form 25 rows on a hill overlooking the “prison,” and perform calisthenics for a full hour. Then we salute Mr. Clen- denin, up on his soap box, and when dismissed, we head for the torture chambers. This is our form of Phys. Ed. We are stretched on the rack, lain on the spikes, and hung from our wrists in mid-air. In our other classes, we are overloaded with homework, and are reprimanded for everything. My assignment last night was to read my entire World History text (722 pages) and to be ready for a drill session today. 1 only got to page 628 before dozing off at 5:35 a.m. today, and am therefore sentenced to death before the firing squad at sun up. (After morning calisthenics of course). This does not alarm me though, for 1 have adapted. But, 1 am shocked to learn that our school is to be closed down. The 2000-1- of us are to be fattened up and slaughtered for rotisserie this summer! So, the next time you think yon have it rough, come on out Cone Boulevard way, and join us for lunch. We don't go out. . . we don’t even have a cafeteria. But you are welcome to join us in searching -the gutters, sewers, and sidewalks for scraps, or to eat corncobs and mush with us from the “trough.” Sometimes, 1 think I would like to attend a normal school like GHS, but I realize what a great hardened outlook on life I am getting. I am still proud to be a Page Pirate, or Pig, or what ever. . . I will be, that is, until sun up. Measly R. Tortnre W.H. Page High School Try Tardies! Editor of HIGH LIFE; As Grimsley High School plun ges into the last nine weeks of school, many students are reali zing that they have yet to take advantage of the new Attendance Policy. Most students realize that they can have 6 tardies and/or 11 absences in their regular classes, and they do take advantage of that. But few students take advantage of the opportunity or miss homeroom, and if students don’t miss homeroom, they could at least be tardy. Thus the purpose of this letter: Too many people go to home room! Aren’t you tired of staring your day at 8:35? Isn’t 8:50 a much beter time to start your day? If you haven’t missed home room, or haven’t experienced the thrill of signing in tardy, then you haven’t lived! If you want to begin being a tardy homeroom attender, please follow these pointers and you can be well on your way to becoming an enemy of your homeroom teacher. First of all, if you want to be tardy, set your alarm thirty minutes later than usual. Not only will this make you wonderfully tardy to homeroom, it will allow you to sleep an extra half hour. In addition to sleeping late, leave the lights on in your car overnight. TTiis will wear your battery down so you won’t be able to start your car. By the time your father wakes up enough to jump start your car, you will have chalked a tardy. If you don’t drive to school, make sure that when your ride comes you are not ready. This is a great way to also make your companion tardy. Once you get to school, the best parking spaces are available at the end of the parking lot near Brooks School. In these spaces you need not worry about the fight for a spot, or being hit by a reckless student driver. Parking at Brooks also gives you a nice, brisk ten-minute walk to home room (twenty if your homeroom is in the New Science Building.) of course, the best time to get a parking space is 8:35, no matter where you park. If, by some unfortunate stroke of chance you do get to school before 8:30, go to the building directly opposite the one where you belong. Do not go to home room until the third bell has rung. If you are the dramatic type, make your grand, tardy entrance into homeroom by running into the class huffing and puffing. If you have done it successfully, your homeroom teacher shoud gladly send you to the Attendance Office. And you will be warmly received among many others. “The Late” Geraldine Slack Southern Fried Life Gorge Grlmey Senior High School Pnhlished “When We Feel Like It” 1 Appian Way Extension, Inner/Onter Mongolia 00007 Chief Organizer He Man Howard Current/Ancient Events Dept Goofy Gramley Staff: Passionate Ponios, X-Y-Z Campano, Shortcake Utter, “Zonk!” Rice, Hot-Lips Mitchell Creative & Corrupt Dept.: “Psychotic” Ward Stafil; Sizzlin’ Seism, Little Devil Dolin, Lightning Lnteman, Macho Miller, Knock-Em-Dead Mo^s, Ramblin’ RatUff, “Why-Can’t-l-Be Like Everybody-Else” Strange Froilek & htjuty Dept.: Tex [Waylon] McDowell Staff: “Peach Fuzz” Beard, Goldilocks Caveness, “Never Too Late” Earley, Sizzlin’ Seism, Brute Smith Coupon & Border Tape Mgr: Sizzlin’ Seism Asst. C&BT Mgr “Zonk!” Rice Ledger Lover Shortcake Utter Pretty Picture Dept.: “Big Red” Bickneil “Apple Cheeks” McEachem Phantom Of The Yardstick Ebenezer Scrooge
Grimsley High School Student Newspaper
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April 3, 1978, edition 1
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