3 1 ■ ■■■
11 I
!ll I
inHMMI mm mm
H
lii
Changes at Grimsiey
After a fight escalated
in the Grove very early
on Tuesday afternoon,
Grimsiey principal calls
in National Guard.
Page 6
[Volume DO No. 1
fnshLIFE
A guy
at
work i tM'
bought
a car
out of
the paper. Ten
years later,
Bam! Herpes.
P. 77
■55
Fashion
With the poor state
of the economy,
students must become
creative with new
cheaper” styles.
Page 2/3
April Foofs
On this national day
of trickery, one must be
mindful of school
rules and regulations
regarding pranks.
Page 7*8+52
Not a real section
Students gather at
the school flag pole in
celebration of the
Tibetan New Year.
Page 666
i’m really bored
The format of the
paper calls for a fourth
and final section here
however, 1 have nothing
further to say.
Page #
Index
Fashion 2
April Fool’s 3-9
Insider 10-11
Unreal 12-18
Boredom 19-20
Grimsiey High School
801 Westover Terrace
Greensboro, NC 27408
April 32, 2009
Pressures of high schooT prove
too difficult for top students
BY CHERI PITTS
Fruit Farmer
To the shock of senior
leaders and the administrative
team, potential Valedictorian
Tracie Quebec filed her
high school dropout forms
last Tuesday.
"Education is the remnant of
a fascist society," Quebec said
in response to the shock.
Quebec, who applied to top
universities like Duke Univer
sity, Davidson College, the Uni
versity of North Carolina at
Chapel Hill, and North Caro
lina State, plans to forego col
lege education.
Confused seniors and teach
ers wonder what could possi
bly cause Quebec to drop out
so close to graduation.
"I heard heavy metal band
'Guns N' Roses' wants her to
join the band to replace lead
singer Axl Rose," said senior
Anita Bath.
Although Quebec refused
to comment on these rumors,
unidentified sources spotted
her purchasing a new bright
purple electric guitar and get
ting a tattoo of a rose sur
rounded by the words "Sweet
Child O' Mine."
Weekly Brower, who
throughout the years has
served as a close second
to Trade's first in class status,
admits he will miss his friend
but feels excited at the prospect
of giving the Valedictorian
speech at graduation.
"Perhaps Tracie can come
perform at graduation,"
Brower said at the official press
conference yesterday. "I don't
think Guns N'Roses is doing
much these days."
1 ^ T-i I
f
-hm ^ I f
lit -
' Y? - - *
Trade Quebec neglects her usual study habits to rock out on
her guitar as Weekly Brower prepares to assume his new
position at number one. Rockstar Inc. Photo
Captain Physics
gone, not forgotten
BY YURI NARY
I
Shown here is the first successful test flight of the hovercraft
Captain Physics designed. After his spectacular preformance,
Captain Physics holted for the door to begin collecting the
large fortune that will undoubtedly be waiting for him. We
couldn’t be more proud of our backstabbing teacher.
Not a real photo
Urologist
Friday, March 13 was just
another day of testing new
designs for Captain Physics'
hovercraft. The experiment
took an unexpected turn for
the captain, also known as
Troy Corsner, when the
hovercraft began functioning
at levels that far exceeded
anyone's expectations.
Coupled with a more pow
erful engine, the hovercraft's
newer, sleeker design will revo
lutionize the world of travel.
This new model, which carries
the name "Captain Physics" as
part of its patent, was able to
achieve a top speed of 235 mph
with a maximum hover height
of 25 ft. Onlookers claimed they
were able to see Captain Phys
ics take off and proceed to fly
around the Grimsiey campus
several times in one minute.
Following the astounding
performance, this scientific
mastermind was able to land
his hovercraft skillfully on top
of Main Building, at which
point he had to wait 45 minutes
for rescue crews to reach him.
After being rescued from the
building's rooftop, the Captain
was only available for a brief
question and answer before he
sped off.
"Question: Mr.Corsner,
what do you plan to do
now after your unprecedented
level of success?"
"I don't know, but you sure
won't see me around here any
more!" said the flyboy.
Grimsiey High School is
presently searching for a new
physics teacher.
Former President George W.
Shrub’s new foreign policy
BYTYTANNIK
Boat Repairman
Private Investigator Pinky
Panther recently confirmed
sighting former President
George W. Shrub and First
Lady Petunia residing in a
modest and cozy town on the
eastern border of Iraq. There,
with the help of Tom Cruise,
they plan to conduct mission
ary work to convert Muslims to
the Church of Scientology.
Legally changing their
names to Jorgen Khalid Al-
Babushkan and Loramyu
Hashemi Al-Babushkan, the
couple hopes to blend into the
town inconspicuously.
"After putting our country
$8.2 trillion into debt, com
pletely failing to manage the
first large-scale emergency
since 9/11, making assumptions
I couldn't support, ridiculing
all who doubted the wisdom of
our current Iraq adventure, and
using the war on terrorism for
electoral advantage and so on,
matters turned ugly; people
grew vicious and continually
persecuted me," said Shrub in
a "Tehran Times" article. "I re
ally feel like I can get out there
and help people. There are a
lot of good people living here
they just need to be shown the
right way to live."
Whether Shrub will be suc
cessful with this new form of
foreign policy, only time will
tell. If nothing else, he will be
their problem for a while.