Newspapers / Grimsley High School Student … / April 1, 2009, edition 1 / Page 2
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867-5309 mad heads Access Denied, 1901 OctoMom, Angie Jolie share maternal instincts ■BYSTEWPIDDITY Village Idiot We all love Ben & Jerry's ice cream, but how much would we love it if instead of uging cow's milk in their ice cream, the company switched to breast milk? At the insistence of People for the Ethical Treat ment of Animals (PETA), the environmentalist group known for its eccentric ideas and ad vertisements, Ben & Jerry's will be replacing the cow's milk in their 30+ flavors of ice cream with donated breast milk. Due to some speculation sur rounding the decision, PETA and Ben & Jerry's have released a joint statement explaining the reasoning behind such a radical move. "Breast milk is a terrific source of proteins, fats, vita mins, and carbohydrates, which are essential for growing children. Replacing the milk in the ice cream with breast milk will make for healthier ice cream, and parents will not feel as bad about letting their chil dren consume ice cream. This change in the recipe may also help prevent cruelty to dairy cows," said the PETA and Ben & Jerry's representative. With PETA's success at Ben and Jerry's, the organization is attempting to spread this idea elsewhere, including Cold Stone Creamery, Carvel, Dairy Queen, and Edy's. Sources say that these other popular ice cream brands are seriously con sidering following suit. Interested parties can soon donate milk to PETA, which assures the public they will .... , . The Saxbe fix is a way for the President to get around the Constitition s sponsor donation sites across Inefigibility Clause when making Congressional appointments. March 6 is the country. Ghana’s Independence Day. Henry VIII married 6 times. Martian photo. -i. 7 i Point: do not just paraphrase documents IRYMAYARF.VT.NCF. County Coroner Yes, girls, summer is well on its way, but why should we sacrifice our dignity to wear glitzy bathing suits and bear our midriffs? If we should at all be changing the dress code, we should make it so that lime green is the only color students are permitted to wear. Better yet, girls should wear the neon green, and boys should wear bright purple so that when the two are mixing, it is easy to sight inappro priate touching. Students should be re quired to have seasonal outfits, so that during the spring, girls' outfits should be tapered, high- waisted pants with extra- long, oversized tank tops. These will discourage boys from flirting with them. In the summertime, girls should wear only thin pantaloons, allowing the cool breeze to refresh them, along with pirate shirts with puffy sleeves. so they look like fabulous lime- green pirates. In winter, girls' clothing should consist of long skirts and voluminous, fluffy down coats. Boys should wear vivid purple footy pajamas year-round, but with a different animal theme each month. For example, in April, a very spring like month, the boys' pa jamas will be burmies be cause bunnies love spring! December will be polar bears, who thrive in the cold weather! Counterpoint: forget thesis statement since AP exams do not count for college credit ■BYIZZYKIDDING Liar Liar It's getting warmer outside, and we girls just do not want to wear clothes. Why should we be forced to wear finger tip length shorts or "ap propriate" tops when bi kinis are so much more comfortable? We feministas want to feel freer and less restricted while still being comfort able in the heat. This fash ion statement is one that's practical and stylish. One statement that is not practical or stylish, however, is obnoxious 80's colors like neon green and purple. In the winter, we usually bundle our selves in layers of garishly colored and unflattering clothing, so now we girls only want to wear clothes that can show off our pretty skin. We just want to let ourselves be seen! Bikinis and cover-up dresses with a few pairs of cute high-heeled flip- flops are all we need in our summer wardrobe. When winter rolls around again, summer time wardrobe staples will look just as cute when paired with a furry orange hat with earflaps. Winter's chilly tempera tures usually encourage bulky layers and frumpy clothing, but the fashion industry is proposing a change: wear your sum mer clothes all year round, with the adorable addition of orange fur on everything. This trend will keep you warm and fashionable. Tired cf seltina ycur phene taken away during seheei? Sick ef teachers yeiiing at yen fer taiking? 1 Cet a CreenTcctli and kiss these days aecd-bye! The ecmfertable teeth ean allows yen te talk Incxnspieueusly en the Phene wheneyer^ wherever. Cen^tletthe system aet yen down! Cniy $19.99... but mention this ad and CCTCNtrCCE! Bored of super^long classes? What if you could speed up the time with a blink of an eye? Now you can! Introducing JumpForward/Back Mascara, the only mascara that changes the time when you blink your eyes. Our top^oFthc' line scientist collaborated with Jeanie from the 1965 hit TV show “1 Dream of Jeanie” to make this long anticipated dream a reahty. Withjeanie’s thousand year old knowledge of magic, she was able to fuse a special potion into each mascara tube. Our price and warranty ensure our customers complete satisfaction, only $100 per tube with a lifetime warranty. Don’t say you want to wish the time away if you don’t really mean it!
Grimsley High School Student Newspaper
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April 1, 2009, edition 1
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