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The AC Phoenix April 2004 I I t Page 3 Strength In Weakness By: Alexis “Aha” Allen Time and again I have asked “God...why did you make me such a passive person. I am so weak God and so frustrated with myself for my weaknesses, for my allowing so many things to happed ... things that it seems that I could have prevented.” Then one day a friend referred to me as passive aggressive. It made sense as I admitted that surviving with mega odds required strength and I am a survivor. Time and again I prayed for strength for my struggle and God gave it to me as needed. Repeatedly I revisited my memories of the women who have been closest to me. My mother, who had an abbreviated childhood and was the mother of nine children at the age of 30, became ill at age 34 with a brain tumor, stayed in the hospital for five and a half years and died at 40. She demonstrated strength, if only I could tell you. Without reservations, my maternal grandmother and step grandfather, took in six of my nine sisters and brothers and another grandchild. Mama Hilda we called her, had fewer gray hairs in her 70’s than I do now and none of her hair color came from a bottle. She went on to glory only after all of the grandchildren had grown up, became independent and she buried her husband. To the end, she remained consistently fashion conscious and remembered the birthdays of all of the grandchildren and the great grandchildren without a date book. I write down the dates and lose the book. My surrogate mother left school at the age of seven to help take care of her siblings. She scrubbed floors, ironed, cooked and whatever else for sixty years plus and took care of me. When I told her that I dreamed of going to college, she was 65 years old. She said “I don’t think that I can stay on my knees and scrub floors for four more years, but I will help you all I can.” I found another dream because I did not want her to scrub another floor for herself, anyone or me. I used to tell her “Get a mop Mamma...get a mop. If they don’t want you to mop, they don’t want you.” Eventually she listened. On her death bed at 76, she said to me, “If I had known that I would have lived this long, I would have scrubbed the floors four more years so that you could have a better life.” Yes, I have been surrounded by strength and eventually came to realize that it was me who allowed the adversarial infiltration of negative thoughts causing me to think and feel weak. God placed strong women in my life and if it was not strength that they demonstrated, I don’t know what you’d call it. I thought they didn’t know what they were doing, until I found out that I didn’t know what I was doing. I needed to understand that it is God who is large and in charge with a plan for my life if I choose to accept it. I needed to learn that my pas siveness kept me humble and that the aggressiveness that I didn’t think I had, gave me enough strength to endure. I needed to know and have words in my heart...in my spirit...words from His Words... II Corinthians 12:10, Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproach, in necessities, in persecutions, in distress for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong. Alexis “Aha” Allen INSPIRCOURAGER Author...Storyteller, Speaker, Character Educator, Writing Coach (336) 784-8877 ahaalex@bellsouth.net RO. Box 5602 —Winston-Salem, NC 27113 iGDiROinimcin FROM THE MAT ROOM....TO THE CLASS ROOM iniM lit! IF YOU ARE LOOKING FOR A CAREER WITH GREAT COMPENSATION AND BENEFITS THE GREENSBORO POLICE DEPARTMENT MAY HAVE A PLACE FOR YOU. • Starting pay $31,500~$34,650/yr • Promotional Opportunities • Work Schedule: 4 days on/ 4 days o • Paid Vacation^ Holiday and Sick leave • And Many Other Benefits AN EQUAL OPPURTUNJTY/AFFIRMATIVE ACTION EMPLOYER Call Recruiting Officer Tony Tunstall 336-373-2081 or email him at toavTunstaHfglgreensboro-clgov
The AC Phoenix News (Winston-Salem, N.C.)
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April 1, 2004, edition 1
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