Newspapers / W.P. Grier Jr. High … / April 1, 1981, edition 1 / Page 4
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PAGE TEN THE NEW YORKER SEPTEMBER, 1971 ACC GAMES RECALLED: CLEMSON WINS On Monday of last week, all ACC tournament games were re called when it was found that all of them were refereed illegally. The games, closed to the public for security reasons, were played every day since Tuesday night. The first game, between South Carolina and Duke, resulted in a win for South Carolina. This pitted them against Virginia, who won over Carolina the same night. After making a spectacular show, and winning over Virginia in the last ten seconds of the game by four points. South Carolina went to the finals. Meanwhile, State and Wake Forest fought it out at the Charlotte Coliseum and Wake Forest came out on top. They played Clemson and were easily beaten by them. All officials had rated the Tigers highly and were not surprised at the score 50-27. On Saturday night, Clemson scored 86 over Maryland’s 64 and went to the finals with USC. The game started with a fast four points for South Carolina. As Clemson sleepily dribbled and lost the ball time after time. South Carolina quickly gained 23 points. By the end of the quarter the score stood at 27-4. At this point in the game, Coach Frank McGuire of the USC Gamecocks went out to talk to reporters. At the sight of him the Tigers became infuriated and, back on the court, gained control of the ball and soon scored 22 points. A free throw evened the score at the end of the half. One Gamecock substitute was put in the game for the second half, and three Tigers. South Carolina was astonished when Clemson, with a dazzling display of basketball, sank basket after basket, and managed to continually elude John Roche and his team. Coach McGuire, numbed by the turn of events was found, out cold, behind the Clemson bench. He was easily revived when a maroon and white lollipop was waved under his nose. But, by this time, the Tigers had outscored South Carolina by 74 points, and when the Clemson band struck up “Tiger Rag” Coach McGuire promptly fainted once more. With three seconds left in the game, a jump ball was called be tween Coakely and Owens. Owens, with glazed eyes, tipped the ball off to Joyce, who made a fantastic shot from half court. The basket made the score 29 for South Carolina, and 101 for Clemson, an amazing victory. The band gave a beautiful rendition of the “Tiger Rag” as Tates Locke helped drag the un conscious McGuire off the gym floor. McGUlRE ADMITS TRICKERY Today (under the threat of blackmail) Coach Frank McGuire, of the S. C. Gamecocks, admitted that trickery was used to win the game played against North Carolina. At a press conference yesterday afternoon in Columbia, Coach McGuire said that the referees for that particular game were expert hypnotists. They agreed to hypnotize all the Tarheels, thus causing South Carolina to win, at the promise of a season bench pass to all the South Carolina games. Coach McGuire, for his unwarranted behavior, has been put on probation for 5 years by the ACC commissioner. BELMONT FOOTBALL GAMES FORFIETED On April 1, recently appointed commissioner Larry Paschall decided that Belmont Jr. High should forfiet all of their 1970 football games. Paschall explained that unsportsmanlike conduct by both fans and players were respon sible for his shocking decision. “Their fans would not allow the cheerleaders to give their cheers, and besides, they didn’t win any nice guy awards on the field either,” claims Paschall. Paschall, who was appointed Commissioner of the Bi-County Conference immediately after football season, has vowed to clean up the conference of unsportsmanlike conduct. AKERS TO BE TORN DOWN Anyone who has. gone to Grier in the past six years knows that Akers Center is the place to be in the afternoon and on Saturday. Yes, Akers is a friend to every Grier student - or was. But obviously the business we gave Akers wasn’t enough. That property was recently sold to the Adarrison Construction Company. Soon, instead of your old friend, Akers, you’ll see a ten-story office building complex. There will be no more secret meetings there after school, no more gatherings on Saturday. When you pass that lot, concrete and windows will stare you in the eye. But if it’s any consolation, the Gaston Mall will probably remain for a while. ASHBROOK TO ADOPT STRICT RULE SYSTEM Mr. J. E. Martin, principal of the recently built Ashbrook High School is furious with the bad conduct and misbehavior of this year’s students. To put a stop to this, he will adopt a system of new rules. It will be put into effect next year. This year’s Grier ninth graders will have to suffer through it at Ashbrook next year. The punishment for chewing gum, being tardy, or talking in class will be five days suspension. Talking back to a teacher or misbehavior in the lunch room is ten days suspension. Fighting and cheating are the major offenses. If you are caught doing either of the two, you will be transferred to another school. I have a feeling that the number of students at Ashbrook will decrease as the year goes on. Good luck with the new rules! (You’ll need it!!!!) FAMOUS CHEF TAKES OVER GRIER CAFETERIA It was released today that the famous chef, Fransico Chateau of Paris, France, is due to arrive at Grier next Monday to assume all responsibility of the cafeteria. Miss Austin, present dietician, is to leave Grier to fill the facant position of head cook at the White House. In a recent interview with Monsieur Chateau in his mansion in Paris, I asked what changes are to be made while he is head gourmet. His comments were: “As soon as I gain control of the cafeteria I will fire all of the present workers and import the finest chefs from all over the world. Next I will set up a system so that no student must endure the grueling labor of working in the cafeteria. Also, 1 will prepare the finest delicacies ever imagined and let each student select his own portion of anything he or she desires. This is only temporary of course. In the near future 1 plan to let every student send in a slip of paper before school listing what he or she desires for lunch and how he wants it cooked. As each student comes in for lunch, he will receive what he or she requested for the nominal fee of ten cents I think this is a very reasonable way to run the cafeteria and I hope every student approves.” I’m sure each student is looking forward to the coming of Monsieur Chateau and will welcome him to Grier. IMPORTANT!! Gastritus Hugritionitus is being spread quickly throughout the school, without anyone aware of it! By this time, over three-fourths of the school could have been exposed. The germ spreads faster than any other virus known to man! The most alarming thing about this virus, is that the only sympton is growling of the stomach, a most innocent ex pression of hunger. Since there is no way of telling that one is infected, the best thing to do is see your doctor immedi ately for tests, and perhaps treatment. Investigations are being continued to determine the source of the infection by the Federal Board of Health. ESCALATORS COMING TO GRIER Do you hate climbing stairs? Are your legs and feet sore every day? Do you get pooped after those long climbs? Relax!! No more sore feet for you. Grier’s getting escalators. Thats right, escalators. McClure’s Engineering and Construction Company will begin putting the escalators in this summer. By the time school starts next year, there will be an escalator in place of every set of stairs. You’ll be able to ride to class in luxury. The reason for Grier getting escalators is that students all over the county have been complaining of leg cramps and sore feet. Our school board thinks this is due to climbing stairs all day and is putting escalators in Grier as an experiment. If they work here, they will be used in all the schools in the county. STEPPENWOLF IN CONCERT HERE FRIDAY NIGHT! Steppenwolf will ap'pear in Grier’s auditorium Friday night at 7:30. All Grier students are invited to attend. Bring as many friends as you wish. An admission price of 254 will be charged each person. The concert will last approximately 2 hours. All students will then move out to the gym for a dance, which will last 2 more hours with Steppenwolf again providing the music. This appearance is climaxing a three-week tour of the eastern states. They will perform Saturday night at Duke University. Hope you will come and hear Steppenwolf on Friday night! EVERY ARTICLE, EXCEPT THIS ONE, IS FALSE TO PROTECT THE MEANING OF APRIL FOOL’S DAY
W.P. Grier Jr. High School Student Newspaper
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April 1, 1981, edition 1
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