wm
Zioii°s Laiidmarks.
181)
'>'i(;ve and iiicurn ’vvitii the more ia-
nae.
Gen 42: 3G. (.^ould I have had
tense bitterness. I oceaHibtJsJly Ibund a mere glimpse of what was in rc-
u.vself wondering why it- was -that | serve for my poor tempest tossed son],
] was brought up and traipgd to l)c
;;h:K>.st religions as I thought and
>!)oral, hy a strictly p ous Baptist
'tu>tlier, and test averse to inrempe-i’-
jinee, proHinitv, a:ui j-nmiioraiity gen-
I rqreat agiVni ; I woiide-r
why it was, that 1 could not iind re-
iea.sc from troanlcH oi a guilty con-
more ready than ViCrsoris I
I could have kissed the ro-d most joy-
fuliv too tliat smote and welcomed
the hand' tluit so sorely afflicted me.
'But I-was HI the bondage of .sin, kept
under the law, Ejmt up unto the faith
'wnich shoiiid afterwards be revealed,
Gal.' iii. 23. 'It pleasexl the Lord
however at a time and in a way ami
manner, although unlooked for by
. r ~
considered more profligate, base and me, to unveil his matchless glory
ourbreaking in their practices. 1 have | and l>eauty, ajid splendor, and to call
hci’u made acquainted however Ion-
with rny ’fror):' smiui. s:'!!, .so thai-
1 luive found my lieart to be ‘hleceit-
iui above :r]l tlntUvS and desperately
v.'iekod, rvho can knovr it Jer.
xaI i.O.
At times I would backsiide, !',.nd cn-
ikavor and delormiue to retiirn agmin
to this j'oor, sin-disordercd world,
luai euiov its pleasiircr, bitter and
; -,’ri.fntng as i knew them to be ; hut
ihviwe that never slumbers was ever
upon me, to chc'ck whengoingastray ;
and riofit here I feel the ibreo of the
f tiiowiug hues :
Lord, whom I llien backslid.
tViat chrekt'd with ‘-.ome genfic
k arred o,i; uic, !x)k.’d and solf.ly cliiil,
O^r.d bafie je.y hope fo)’ better tilings.
bV-riii to III- bar Ite rnado me (Xiinc,
Arraigried—('ondsomnotl. anu cast 1 hUkwi,
liiipeetiiu?; from His mouth, the (loom
O.' cl’.otva 'vlia tramr.if'u on lii.s blood.
O i v;hnt a disma! state was tliis,
Vi’.'sat hr.iTors shook :ny feeble Iranic,
Ail prodigais can surely guws,
}'or they no doubt iiavc felt tlic same. Haiit
' M;iny,orth(f oluldren of God |L am
con’ldeni, have enjoyed at some ilfctl
ietisi.of whal istermed the pleasures
(if the world: but ay for my ])art, I
have been from my cradle, a child, a
'i.jd, a youtli. .a man of sorrows, and
acquainted with grief.—Isa.liii. 3.
1 frequently lieard proacliers pro-
claim in the course of tlicir sermons,
1 hat every christain could tell th.e
I'cry day and hour wdien he felt the
lir'st woiind from the arrow of convic
tion. Such remarks served but to
add poignancy to niy sufferings, and
ciuised nte to fear that my conviction
was not fi'om tiie Lord and could not
of course lead tea hap}w issue. These
and similar remarks I am w'ell eon-
back the wave.s of error and unbelief,
and “drive the dark clouds from the
.sky,'’ .so that I might rejoice in the
soul-clieering presence of the sun of
riirhfceousness which had risen with
healing in his wdng.s, Mai. iv. 2, and
to make my luLhcrto ]>our benighted
.soul rejoice with joy nr.speakalfle and
full of glory, 1st Pet. i. 8. The
Lord did not reveal his mercy, love,
:)nd hope to me in a whirlwind, nei
ther in an earthquake, nor in a flam
ing fire; Ist Kings, xi-v. II, 12, but
in the .still small voice of tender, but
ovenvaeming and unquenchable love,
applying to, and binding up iny poor
wounded iieart with the word.s: “\e
know that ye Imve passed from death
unto life, because ye love the breth
ren,” John iii. 14. The first impre.s-
sion ol my mimi \va.s a most sensible
realisation of my ignorance, not to
have experienced a hope in (.'hrist
long before, and to have rejoiced In
Gliri.stt.he la-U'd on siniidy reading
the text just quoted; but expcricnee
haa brought nm to nnl^rstand t ^
had to “stand still and see the s;U\
est in regardi to .this raattar as it was
possible for a mortal W(.)i'in to be, and
1 really thought that for a servant ot
O.Iod to feed the children of God with
tlie bread of eternal life, his own
mind must first be illuminated by
wisdom from above, and hi.s soul be
made acquainted with the teachings
and mysteries of the Spirit of tlie
glorious ga^pcl, and no man de.stitute
of the above (jualification could, in
iny opinion, discharge; tiiis highly
imjiortant duty so as to honor and
glorify God In tliC pulpit, and T real
ly felt within iny poor humble seif,
tliat I lacked evoiy ([ualification ih.at
a Minir-ter of the g_ospcl should po.s-
sess. I-went forward however in tne
condition, .seemingly to me, like that
of Abndiani when he 'went out not
knowing whitlier he w'ent, lieb. xi.
and tried in we.'iknt'i-s, fear and mncli
trembling, to pre;vch the preiufning I
felt the Lord had hid me. Jon'Ti iii.
2 ; I bti.'od s() very short a time, and
made so very many and signal fail
ures that it became v.’cllnigh univer
sal for mv brethren and friends t(.>
hang their luxuls, and to raanitest
otlierwise, their deep mortification, on
mv’ I'i.-uig before them iu the pulpit;
and seai’fielv cou d one be found who
did not entertain serious doubts of
my being called to preach ; and as re-
gard.s iny sad feelings, no mortal
tounge could tell, nor heart conceive
the dc.'.'p angni.'Ii of soul I vras com
pelled to 'pas.s throng,'ll for the space
of two years or more.
Amid the many trials, and perplex-
:ind I have beeumysterionalysu.staiued
up to the present time.. I rememKar
that on one oeyision, whoa low down
in a low place, Lia. xx.xii. 19 ;1
had a viow^ of Je,su9 in a blar.o ot
lightning, and the words followed,
“my yoke is easy, and my burden is
light.” Mat. xi. 30. These word-
wrv mucli refreshwl rny drooping
S]>u'its when almost in uc.9palr. I
have contiiuuxl in the deienee of the
gospel, tii! it lias, become to me, a
most delightful employment; and 1
go forward now in the ininLlry with
a clieGrfnl heart though I have met
witli many things, and «\lculatc to
continue to meet with many thmtp(,
that are sore and trying; :;S)a>e of ray
tion of tlie Ij')i (1,” .la.xodus xiv. J
.hat tics wnfyn which [ ViCis .surrounded, i
satN'a-’l^a.s haunted alau.rst daily'vt.s J l.ii
and, that tlic Lord luitli ever imd a
set time to deliver Zion,” Ps. 102 lo.
A very few moments hov,'ever
of thanksgiving and praise was
1 pernilt.tcd t*.' e'uphyr oeiore tne
Lord ran upon rao again, hko a giant
br'caking me with breach upon breach,
Job xvi. 15, The yoke alluded to m
tlie outset, and under th.e impression
of w'hich I grew up to manhood was
now unmistakably and lastingly riv
follov/iiyg pa.ssage of scripture : ihe
spirit of the Ixird God is upon me
l)(K;ausc the Loul hath anointed rue
to preach good tidings unto tiie meek.
He iiath sent me to bind up the bro
ken hearted, to pro‘laim liberty to
the ca];tlves, the opening of the pris
on to tiiern tliat ,are bound, to pro
claim the aeccptible year oi the .Lord,
the day of veugauce of our God, to
comfort idi that mourn Ac. Isa, 61.
1:2. I was very often well nigh de-
eted on my neck, and .soon became .a j ranged, and time and again, deter-
vinced from long experience, arc
fomuled in error, and lead to no g-ood
load intolerable to bear. Here I ex
perienced a s])ccial, personal, individ
ual call to partake of the afflictions
of ths gospel according to the powei'
results. Had it not been for sovere-j »f Laxl, 2nd 8, and tie fo^-
unconquerable reigning grace, I
mined never more toattempt to preach.
1 frequently rose before a congreg.a-
tion with a view oftrving to preach,
and then would take my scJit ;it the
end of five rainuttvi. From ex}HX’-
trials come from a fiyclilc constitution,
a ncrvou.s frame, unfliithful friends,
unkind brethren, and graceloo.s pre-
fessors; but a sense of pardon and rny
final acceptance with God and hope ot
heaven outweigh them iill; and I
feci to say wdt’a .Paul that I reckon
the sufferings of this pre.sent time are
not worthy to be compared witti the
glory avhich shall be revealed in us.
Rom. viii. 18.—IhaveintT wllhdivers
individuals in my intercourse xvirli
mankind and especially some I deem
ed sound in the faith, clearly mani
festing by both word and a,ctinn a.
spirit of envy and jealousy, and 1
have seen attempts put forth by suel,
to check the good standing and ivsc-
fulmv^s of others., in a way and man
ner to .-av the cf it. ungodly and
rejiroachfn! ; but I thunk and ble£,s
God that He hatli kmpt iny fa.! from,
b'ueh snares of s-atau, as might lead ova
to on-.-.-.iLB-rArr, or back-;;
bite a brother, and I harnbiy b seooh
and p>rny him to keep me from such
evil.s. I honestly confess however.,
that I have been guilty of many
fimitB and indiscretiona, over wtnc!i
my soul has often niournetl tvor-
row 01)011 .sorrow ; one limit and
tine: sin among others I wkil I'-cre
name, trusting that my bringing ana
pr(?senting it to you may po..''nukv ri -
suit in good to some one; and
and luus Ixien, talkmg too muc’.', and
indulging in levity, which you icnoo'
has never been c .nriderc-d an :ncnc-?.--
tlon of wisdom ; and I liavo very t:c -
fjuentlv' seen -tupid, be:ivy kex>j.C(i
.-hoiildhavc grown up to manhood, a
Viun, ])roa;l, scifconceited mortal.
.But I can s:iy trutlifully (.'!' oneself
that I felt as it were “killed all the
(lav long.”—Korn viii. 36. rVnd to
.sav with David, “I am like a Pelican
of the wilderness : i am like an owl
of tiie de.sert, I iVatch and a.rn as a
.Sparrow alone upon tlie house top.”
— LMl. cii. 6, 7. I I’ccame afraid, to
look at my natural face in the glas.s,
for tear 1 might be horror-stilckcn at
lowing words: “Feed the. flock of | icnee and observation I Irive been
God,” &c., kst Peter v. 2, .seemed to i made to tlianlc ni}' Lore! and master,
be whispered in m,y car, softly aiid | for my having been thus dealt will),
'.(•cntlv but rcacned the very core waf ; 1 Iiavc been tunglit in the first phice
dnnees pass for wise 'ueri lAKStmi,;
by experience, a, Ie.s,son of humii.ty.
my heart, ami under the teciing.seu.se
of the weight !Uid importirnce of the fyvhidi I could uot obtain elsewhere,
same I Imve prayed, groaned, cried ^ and the same lcsso:> has to b> repeat-
grieved, mourned, sighed, complain - | ed now while I am in my sixty thrd ^
ed, begged, hoped, feared mid trem-| year, to keep me reminded of GoL”
bled, and rnanv times entertained ! l Cor. iii. 5. And observauou uas
hard tlionghts-of my Lord and Afa.s- | caused me to see in others, the vani-
ter for uordelivering me ft’om the ! ty and self importamx' which might
sore trials and harrassing ])cri)lexitie3 ' nave been more abuncmnti}’ dc'.-eiop-
li„IPobclAo,u,te.„u...o of., poor iivl,ioh boBOt my p.uh^ay. Ti.o rnv-| ,.l io ,„y «B0, but fV (iu. ripl (iU
sin-sick soul; yea! a worm and no 1 ftd responsibility and importance of cipnnc, tnrougn wnieh tee Lorn in
they spoke little, as Solomon "vy,
“Even a fool wllum he riO.(doL.x
ric-bice i.s con.atedi wise; ann oo
shuttolh his lips is osty'm«l a uu;u m
understanding. ProverK xvx. L.--,
i ha.ve l/CCfi a .‘ V.qit'..st in F;
from the day I oxpenenced a aepe
Christ, and I was ttiliy v
mv own liVsud rvlicu i jora-VA '.l:
church to which t belong, itnu H w,..-.
die only organisation o:i term trub
man, P.S. xxii. 6. Alany times m my
hopeless condition, and viewing the
.'uajiiv troubles with which I. wa'(.s .sur
attempting to preach the gospi.'! in
creased in lyagnitude, wliile tlieword.s
'•'Feed the flock of G od” were Indeli-
J Li (.Hi T
rounded, I was compelled with J.icob i biy stamped upon my mcmo.y, never
' lo sav : “All these tilings arc against ' to be erased in lime. I was as lion-
mercy led me, for my good imd !us
uamo’s glory ; under the mighty hand
of C-oii I am courpelled to remain in
his .-crvice, and feci tiiiB .[ h.ivc long
beeiv.a complete slave to the church
could be ptrictJv oil led tne cfiuicn m
Cluist, and though I umy seco n.gy
differ li’i'in .some oi mv brc,.:.Xi'cU lu
reirard to what '.v. 'e;eri pract.o.'c. a.'..-
tics yet I over, coiitemdeci fb r overy
doctrine or rvaerkv' of our old ortho
dox brothrcH. w)u) ,are gone bistc.ro v.;i,
and I desire from my heart, winics
know ir is in vain, that we all could
uultod’y sec a.:.d ask f.,;r t'm pla
A.,
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