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liold indeed the great necessity of
lei'ying, in njy own case. It was then
^>r the first time that I saw myself a
[inner in the true sense of the word,
!()r I no longer thought it time
imongh, but I was ready then to
Ihnake peace with God,” in my own
wav of course, for I had not yet
known any other.
1 set about the work in good
earnest, for I felt that there was a
great necessity that sometliing. be
done, and every step only led me
further from ‘hhe way.” I was
[seeking life where there wa.5 nothing
but deatli—justification, where there
was 'nothing but condemnation,
and my efforts only augmented my
troubles, kill I thought that I would
die and be eternally lost despite all
the remedies that I could apply.
This, with much more that I
could write, (if time and space would
admit of it) was my condition for
noai'ly two years, when sudenly light
sprang up in my soul, revealing to
me that Jesus had done all the work
that I had been trying so hard to do
rnvself I could see him as my sal
vation and only hope. Having tried
the strength of the law and found it
wanting in my case, I could now
adopt the language of Jonah and ex
claim, ^‘salvation is of the Lord.”
In tlie year 1846, contrary to my
first impressions, I joined the Mission
aries, being over persuaded by the
Treacher in charge. He told
me
primitive Baptists would-^so*;^
about the matter. But it would re
turn with se'emingly double force
that I would have to preach. The
scriptures would at times open up
beautifully to my under.standing, but
at other times every thing was dark
ness. I would read the Bible some
times, when a few verses would con
tain enough to iterest me for an hour,
when at other times I could see noth-
ina: in what I would read. Some-
times I have turned to passages of
scripture where I had seen so ranch
light and beauty and behold dark
ness. I concluded that I would try
to talk in* public and perhaps that
would give some relief, but when I
would try, it would be such a com
plete failure that it made the matter
wmrse. /felt that if Icould only talk
of the sweet meditations and reflect
ions that I enjoyed so much in secret,
it would do me good ; but behold,
when I would try to talk in public,
all then had fled and left nothing
but darkness that might be felt. I
was in trouble that I could not ex
press—not to my wife, for she would
annoy me greatly,but not intentionally,
bv asking me—what is the matter?
Why do you look so down -cast ? &c.
If I had any peace it was in solitude.
I wanted no company, neither travel
ing nor any where else. Wlmn
going to market I would frequently
depart as silently as possible in order
t« avoid company
I had ray notions of a call to the
inistry, whif^li were^ibopi.^his; I
rni
die out, or come to the hlissionarids.
I staved with tliem until 1858, when
I offered to the Primitive Bajrtist
Church at Enon, and was received
and baptized by the late Elder Em
anuel Britton. Here I “found rest,”
I felt like I was at home. I now be
gan to feel some impressions to ex
ercise in jrublic prayer, but my efforts
in that way were so weak and un
profitable I concluded that surely I
was not the man for such things and
would leave it for others wliom I
deemed w’ovthy. I tried to leave off
making the attempt to pray in public
but the impressions wliich at first
wore indistinct, seemed to increase,
until finally my mind was impressed
in some degree that 1 would have to
preach; this shocked me no little,
and confi;med mo in the idea that I
had been deceived all the wajq up to
this time. I would carefully com-
]):rre my impressions with my idea
of what it took to make a jireacher,
and I could see no sense nor consist-
■ ency in the matter. I didn’t liave
K the first qualification—my memory
B' was deficient far above an average—
^■entirely destitute of communicative
^■capacity, and could not read a plain
^pfamilar story and tell it intelligibly.
^ I would hear the brethren preach
and something like this would be
thought that when the Lord called
a man to preach he gave liim the
passing through my mind : you
preach ! You could no more do it
than you could fly; you ought not to
let such preposterous notions trouble
you &c. I would at times be in a
degree relieved and pass the time for
I would try to talk some about it.
/ was called upon to follow one of
the preaching brethren ; I tried to
do so, and read the above mentioned
verse, and talked about thirty min
utes Muth some ease.
Somebody is ready to say, you
went right on from that time ? Oh !
O
seven
al months with but little trouble
ability and he had nothing 1q do but
•go at it. My case did not answer to
this notion, for I had tried to talk
and could think of nothing to talk
about, not even what I had thought
of before ; still the impressions would
increase while my sufficiency was on
the decrease. I had heard Preachei's
say that they fought against }>reach-
ing and would never have preached
if they could have prevented it and
(as I understood them,) had no de
sire to preach, which helped to con
firm me in the notion that I was not
tlie man ; for I liad desires to preach
if it was the Lord’s will concerning
me. I was willing to preach but
did not want anything in the matter
contrary to his will.
I spent several years in this con
dition, when the Church, from some
cause, saw fit to liberate me to exer
cise my gift. I don’t know tliat this
had any good effect, for it caused
a cloud to settle over my feelings that
lasted nearly two years; but still
such scripture as “go preach,”—“'take
my yoke upon you,” &c., werb roll
ing across my mind almost continu-
alb/. I thought I could see that the
brethren were looking for something [
from me, and /thought I would try,
and at least disabuse their minds in
ray case, if it did no other good.
On my way to a Union Meeting,
in the fall of 1873, / think, J had
some pleasant thoughts on the 8th,
verse of the 65th, chapter of Jsaiah,
and felt that if opportunity offered
my soul, let me tell you a little more
of my troubles, for now was the be
ginning of darkness. 1 could hear
what the brethren would say about
it, and some would say to me,—you
had as well confess and go to vvork.
/became puffed at the start for I
thought that I could do better than
that; but Oh ! that next effort, and
the next, and so on until I verily
believed that / could not do better
next time, /had become willing to
preach but was not willing to be
called a preacher; I would not go in
a pulpit, I wanted things my way ;
/ WHS willing to take his yoke upon
me if I could first learn. I never
had seen this text in the sense that
I now saw it. /had been called
upon to preach at night meeting, I
could not think of anything to say,
/took ray seat in shame feeling that
1 would never try again, I desired
death, when tlie words of Jesus came
to my mind with great force: “Take
mv yoke upon you and learn of me.”
'What have you been doing? You
have been trying to learn first and
then take the yoke. I wanted to feel
like I could preach. I wanted a
stn'4r on band Jh^t I, coj^rt see _and
and know, thchi I would go and
preach ; but, how different are his
ways from our ways and his thoughts
from our thoughts.
E. C. Thrash.
THE WITNESS.
Dear Brother Gold:—
*HE revelation of God to man,
^ (as I understand,) was to make
^ manifest what was in reserve
for them that were chosen in
eternity, called in time and are kept
by the power of God through faith
unto salvation, ready to be revealed
in the last time, to an inheritance in
corruptible, undefiled and that fadeth
not away. .
The Holy Trinity, in their respec
tive offices, were engaged in the won
derful plan of man’s salvation and
eternal redemption from the thrall-
dom of sin, woe and miseryu Since
his fall in Adam he is represented as
dead in trespasses and sins in which
condition he remains until the life-
giving word of God through hia
Holy Spirit arouses the dead facul
ties of his soul, the same power that
created Adam our federal head, and
breathed in him the breath of life,
and he became a living soul. God
created whom he would in his Son
unto good works and foreordained
them to walk in them. And these
with the scriptures testify of the Son.
And none can come unto him except
the Father which sent him draw
them by the vital influence of the
Holy Spirit. It is by the knowledge
we have of these truths, by the reve
lation of God through Christ, by his
Spirit in his chosen that we are made
true witnesses, speaking that we do
know and testifying that we have
seen. John declares—speaking of
our knowing of the Word of Ijife—
“For the life was manifested and we
have seen it, and bear witness, and
shew unto you that eternal life which
was with the* Father and was
manifested unto us: and truly our
fellowship is with the Father and
with his Son Jesus Christ,” 1st .John
1 : 2, 3. Again, Eev. 1st chapter,
we find this testimony ; “The revela
tion of Jesus Christ, which God gave
unto him, to show unto his servants
things which must shortly come to
pass ; and he sent and signified it by
his angel unto his servant John, who
bare record of the word of Goil, and
of the testimony of Jesns Christ and
of all things that he saw.” Here we
find that God gave this revelation to
Jesus Christ to show unto his ser
vants, and he sent and signified it
unto his servant John, whom he
commissioned to bear the same rec
ord to the seven churches in Asia,
saying: Grace be unto you and peace
from him which is, and which - was,
and which is to come; and from the
seven Spirits which are before his
throne : And from Jesus Christ, who
is the Faithful witness and the first
begotten of the dead, &c. Unto him
that loved us and washed us from our
sins in his own blood, and has made
made us kings and priests unto God
and his^Yther. I^nd again," there
was a man sent
name was .John.
from God whose
The same came for
a
witness to bear witness of the light.
might be-
that all men through him
lieve. He was not that light, but
■svas sent to bear witness of that light.
Yea, that which emanates from the
Son of Righteousness, the fountain of
light, life and truth, the faithful and
true witness, who filled his mission
upon earth whereunto his Father sent
him, preached his own gospel, com
missioned and sent forth others to
preach according to his bidding, and
yet sends them by his Spirit to
preach his gospel to every creature.
declares by M.atthew,
And this
of the
kingdom
shall be
gospel
preached in all the world, for a wit
ness unto all nations; and then shall
the end come.’ And he has declared
he will not leave himself without a
witness. “Therefore, ' being- com
passed about with so great a cloud of
witnesses, let us lay aside every
weight and the sin which doth so
easily beset us and run witii patience
the race set before us, looking unto
Jesus the author and finisher of our
faith. Then every one that has
Christ formed in his soul the hope of
glory is one of the witnesses, yea
faithful and true; for “it is tlie Spirit
that beareth. ^^itness, because the
Spirit is trutli” and “he that believ-
eth on the Son of God liath the wit
ness in himself: he that bolieveth not
God hath made him a liar, because
he believeih not the record that God
gave of his Son.”
This belief found-