I
Zion’s Landmarks: Wilson, N. C.
109
1)111 when the time arrived I wanted
an excuae, and found one, a poor one
1 knew, l)ut it ivoald do. After that
I became more miserable, lost nearly
all interest
Bible and the Church, even my
natural tics, \vhich had always been
so very strong, 1 was scarcely sensi
ble of. For tlie first time I seemed
to understand something of the
spiritual meaning of the scriptures,
I was often frightened at the inteiisi-
ty of my love for the Church, I was
afraid I loved the body more than
the head. I would ask myself. Why
do I love them so? Is it because
they are Clirist’s ? If so surely I
must love him too. But I wanted
to hioio it was pJirist I loved. A
few days before Christmas I was
feeling very lestless, I did’nt feel like
hymn through;; it seemed to be the
very breathing of my heart, but not
one word of prayer could I utter.
Soon after that I was sick, suffering
in every thing but the severely, when I thought, wtiy. Oh !
why, do I suffer so much ? And
reading.
or any thing else. In the
evening I took the iSible and opened
it at the o7tli Psalm. I read the
5th, verse and that was enough. I
felt that I could commit way un
to the Lord, I felt that I could trust
ill him, and I was sure he would
bring it to pass. For nearly two
days I rested. Such a sweet peace I
had but once before known, and I
again tliought it would last. How
mistaken. But since then, although
I am nearly always restless and un
happy, at times miserable, feeling
that I am denying my Lord, but
without strength to acknowledge
liim, I do . not feel just as I did be
fore. Less confidence in self, and
more in God, I hope.
Mr. Gold, if you can, please pray
forme.. Ask God to let me rest at f crumbs, they
home ; if my inheritance lies on this
side of the river to let me rest here,
if not to enable me to cross.
One wlio hopes she loves you for
Ciirist’s sake.
Mary E. T. Barnes.
The proceeding, as you see,has been
written some time. At the . time of
writing I intended sending it, but
a change came over me. I \vould
like to' write it over and make some
corrections and alterations, but am
too weak and nervous to do so. It
v/a.s written during one of the dark
est periods of my life.
On Sunday evening of July meet
ing, an awful feeling came over me,
nothing looked natural, I seemed to
be almost in another world • I walked
out and was looking around and
again something seemed to v/hisper :
“He learned obediemee by the things
which he suffered.” Tasked who?
“Though he were a Son, yet he
learned obedience by the things
that he suffered.” I thouglit, did
Christ learn obedience by suffering,
and shall I expect less ? My God,
I thank tliee ! Oh ! it is good for
me to be afllictetl. Pain was pleasure
then. For awhile I rejoiced,, and
wlien that passed I was encouraged,
hope revived, but it was nearly three
weeks before I felt quite natural.
Then, if possible, I was more anxioits
to know wdiat I was, and what I
should do; I had been opposed to
dreams, didn’t want them, but then
I was willing, even anxious to have
a dream ; I tried to pray to God to
show me in any war vrhat I was and
what he would have me to do. That
night in a dream I saw my black
ness. Wlien I awoke.it troubled me ;
I thought I was nothing but a cast
away. Suddenly I thought, . I am
black but comely ; at first it passed
through my mind slowly, then flister
until it became so rapid I could
scarcely breat!); I got the Bible and
turned to the 1st, chapter of the Song
of , .So1om-y.n, I rcaA the iiffli and
eighth verses, and that was enough ;
I felt so thankful that I might feed
beside the tents, if I got only the
were good, they were
sweet; but Oh ! that I might enter
and feast with the fkick, yet I thought
that sweet privilege was denied me,
and I would try to be content. For
a few days I was more reconciled,
then the wish to enter again became
powerful. I wanted to go the next
August meeting, but I
think it was
shown me in a dream that I sliould
blit not then.
wondering what was the matter.
when something seemed to whisper :
“Stay, tliou insulted Spirit, stay,
Though I have done thee such despite.
I stopped and asked, what is it ?
continued ;
It
And vexed, and urged thee to depart.
For many long rebellious years,”
I thought the Spirit of the Lord had
been with me and I had rebelled
against it, it is leaving me ! I tried
to ask it to stay, to beg God not to
leave or forsake me ; but the words
died on my lips, I could not pray.
Oh ! how miserable, how helpless I
felt. I came in and got the book
(Methodist Selection) and read the
go soon.
One nisht about
a strange, helpless feeling
tlie 1st, ofSep.
came over
me ; next morning when I awoke, I
seemed to have been to the bottom
of the deep, fighting with its mighty
powers ; at last I gave up all, ceased
to struggle and immediately arose to
the surface, then I saw God, the Om
nipotent God ; he had been with me
through all—therefore I was not
destroyed, I felt he wafi able to save,
and would go with me to the end of
my journey, and I was glad because
I was quiet.
I didn’t know the Yearly Meeting
commenced on Friday. That morn
ing my husband went down on busi
ness, when he returned and told me
preaching had commenced, I thought
my last chance was gone, for I
thought I would never offer to the
Church at the water, yet I felt it was
then or never; if I did not go death
or derangement would inevitably
follow. For a while I was almost
raving—reason seemed like being
dethroned ; Ad last I said. Oh ! God,
am in thy hand.s, do with me as
seemeth good
thought
not to go to
unto tliee, and I be
came quiet. That night I dreamed
that my husband and I had joined
the Church. It appeared that some
one liad given me sometliing to keep
’till he called for it. Others came
and inquired for it, it didn’t seem
that they, told any falsehood, but I
concealed it and that moment was
miserable ; I remarked to iiiy hus
band, we shall never be happy ’till
this is known, he replied, there is
nothing wrong in it ; I told him
perhap.s not—any thing but conceal
ment, but I was sure I should ujever
be happy ’till it was known. Yext
morning it troubled me ; I
it might be warning me
the Church, perhaps there was some
secret siy which I had not discovered,
but I soon forgot the dream entirely,
I went down not knowing and even
fearing to think what I should do.
That day and the next I scarcely
knew whether I was most happy or
unhappy ; I felt that I was with the
people I loved more than all the
world besides, for i'f I love anything,
if I know what love is, I love those
I-believoto be Christians, the Old
Baptists in particular; yet there
seemed to be something wanting.
After getting home on Sunday eyen-
ing I was miserable ; I didn’t know
what I said to the Church, I knew
I did not say half that I wantd to,
but at the time I didn’t feel that I
coal." -';)eal'-A'>'i-!t)ther word. My hus
band in frying to comfort me told'
me he hoped I had said nothing
wrong, then I remembered my dream.
At first I thought I would have my
name taken off, but it seemed I could
not bear tliat, for I felt tliat if the
wealth of the world and all its glory,
and a home with the people of God,
were placed before me,to choose which
I wonkl, I would scorn the world,
I would turn' from it with perfect
contem])t, when it would separate
me from those I loved so much ; yet
I was afraid I was not lit to be with
them, and if I was not I didn’t want
to be. I was very unhappy until
the next Thursday, that was a day
believe all things
together for
work
their good. If I am one of tliem
nothing can hurt me. There is much
more I would like to tell you, but 1
am very weak and tired. Please
pray for me, I desire and feel that
I need the prayers of the righteous.
AYurs ill much love,
M. E. T. B.
December 28lli, 1874.
Item arks:
Sister Barnes, the writer ofthe com
munication above, iiiiitcd witli the
Church at the Falls of Tar .River,
last Scptcmhei. , She has gone over
Jordan, and rests on the Jerusalem
side; still there are wars and conflicts
for the Isrealite on tliis side of Jor
dan ; because the Canaanite is still in
the land.
Thongli a
conquereil foe,
he is turbulent still, and if he gets
an advantage is insolent as a tyrant,
and if pressetl to the wall as deceitful
as a kissing Judas.
Sistyr Barnes narrates ivith strik
ing distinctness lier temptations on
the existence of God. This is one
of the tempter’s fiery darts. What
deadly poison its entrance injects^
Yet how triumphant the healing wdicn
God reveals himself.
One common temptation of Satan
is to indneo Christians, " especially
young ones, to believe they are de
ceived in their hope. They are ready
to agree with him, and that moment
they begin to doubt tlieir comforts
'•'a;I jieo;
to this'deceiver ?
or ever will be. The word of God
exhorts ns to resist him and he will
flee from us: “Whereforedidst thou
doubt, O, thou of little faith.”
Sister Barnes has .'many afflictions,
but she has many comforts too, and
richly feasts on heavenly truth.
Among the many lovely members at
the Falls she is one whose company
the godly will much enjoy we be
lieve.—[Ed.
Wviiat 13 gained by listening
Yothingever was,
Cotton Ghove, Madison Co., Tex.,
March 17th, 1875.
Dear Brother Gold:—
of
rejoicing.
saw, or
tliought
saw,the hand of God in all,I felt that I
had not gone in my own strength
but he had carried me in that way to
show me my weakne,ss and his pow
er, and I’Was glad it was so ; I am
always glad when I feel that God
rules. But since then I have' been
very unhitppy at times ; I have been
waiting, hoping you would come to
see us and I could tell you ray troub-
els, but I am afraid to wait longer.
I have had a few seasons of rejoicing,
sometimes seem to be walking in the
light, generally I am gropeing in the
dark,stumblingat every step,but there
are many promises wliicli comfort
and encourage me. I am sure God
is ever with his people, though they
may not _ always bo sensible of his
presence yet he is with them in the
night as well as in the day ; if they
fall they shall rise again. Brother
Gold, it is good to fall sometimes, it
is so .sweet to be raised by Jesus. I
^^7 HU will find it somewhere in
e iff bade his children trom niarry-
6tr,' > ii)g; the danwhters of men.—
the Bible where the Lordfor-
Are not the daughters of men ihc in
stitutions of the world, gotten up by
men ? I learn from books (Masonic
books) that many years ago there
was a worldly institution gotten up
that people called Masonry. ATell,
the question Is : Did any of God’.s
people join it? I don’t know! I
have known a few Old Baptists to
join it, at least, men that were with
the Old Baptists a while. But I have
thought: If they had been Old
Baptists or the sons of God, they
would not have left the Church and
runoff after a worldly institudon.
This is one of the daughters of men,
as I view it, and the Odd Fellows is.
another daughter, as I view it. But
I don’t know of any ofonr order that
joined it, but still it is a lovely dilugh-
ter, liable
there was
which was another nice daughter and
to deceive men. And,
a Know Nothing party