r
T
188
(
may say.
that I saw them iiicUvidual-
Zioii’s Landmarks: Wilson, N, C,
(At Home,) Sunday, Sep. 24, ]874.
mder Gold;—
a few more years have
passed I shall go where I
shall return no more; and,
as many have taken occasion
tlirouvh tlie Laa’IjMakks to set forth
o
kJ u iti >11 of those things wliich
they hope the Lord God has taught
them; and as my mind is always in
trouble pondering oyer past occur-
i-ences and future events—I feel a de
sire to set before you and your read
ers a few tilings that I have seen and
felt, and to gather up the beginnings
of God with me, if indeed he began |
at all, of which thing.s I am otten in |
doubts about; but they cause me so ;
many cogitations that I thought I ;
would throw them together and leave
them to the judgment of the godly, to |
say by what spirit I have been taught.
I will not dare to consume space to
tell how I felt in youth, only to say
from my earliest recollection I had
strange views and feelings about God,
death and another woi’ld : and often
made promi.w'S to do better, and have
often sought some secreted place to
try to I'ray, when but a child, and
svould feel better when I did so, but,
when J read in the Bible of the curses
denounced against the sins that I am
guilty of, they have so terrified and
alfrighted mo that I have spent many
.sleepless niglits, having.that fear which
hath torment.. This was my life un
til in my twenty-eighth year, hy a
very strange providence, which to be
brief I shall hear be si'ient fibout
j ' 1 t tti-
stantly had (fiffereiit feenngs ‘ amt
views from I had ever hail prior to
that day. The following are some of
tliem ;
I felt that I was a lost sinner and
knew not how to express it; but will
say I felt uneasy, restless, grieved—
a kind of horror for sin 1 had before
known nothing of. With these di
verse feelings that then attended me
—there 'svas life given me which
caused me to see all of my sinful acts
hack to the day of childhood ; yea ! I
lent of the earth,apeople truly ble.ssed.
Often I have been to their meetings
and often felt so guilty and condemn
ed I thought they could see it. I
would often secrete myself and try to
read and pray, and would often wish
for a place under the ground so that
no one could see me; nay ! I did not
want a bird to see me. I remember
that I felt bad but still wanted to feel
worse. It seemed strange that I
loved to grieve, though I felt guilt
and condemnation. I loved to have
these feelings and desireil to see the
worst of my case, to sec, feel and ac
knowledge it’ all before God. At
times I would think my burden was
very great but would confess that it
was all my fault. Thus I went on,
hoping that God would ' bless me.—
I hope.ii on for a long time, lo.okingat
my sinful acts, hoping that when I
had grieved and repented I might
hear the Lord say. Thy sins are for-
o-iven thee ! I noticed, that when I
did ti.e best I could I would be break
ing promises. I saw that I was a sin
ner by nature and practice, and t^'"'"
; all my sins had siirung from that
! corrupt fountain. Then I saw the
i justice of God in condemning n
i yeti loved him. Under these feel-
j ings of h's justice and my condemna
tion, I felt unworthy to even look to
ward heaven, thinking that I had no
friend there. When I v/ould wake
up in the night God, death and judg-
ment were first in my thought. When
I heard of a death it added to my
I thought I was lost
Iv. I then grieved over and wished
I had not done tliera, because then I
knew they were against a holy an.d
just God. There was a sorrow at
tended these feelings that I love to
have: I remenrber that I warrted toand
did hunt some secret place to confess
and ask pardon for my sins. Though
from a child I bad been filled with
feais, that carrsed me to make prom
ises to do better, e.s}>ecially when I
would have frightful drcams,and wherr
there would be thuirdcr and light
ning, which brougnt death and the
Day of Judgment to my mind. Now
I felt different. Then I jiromised to
do better. Now I tried to do good
:uid tliereby obtain forgivencs.?. I
was then in my twenty-eighth year
and had been a Bible reader from my
vouth and' cared not who saw me
reading, but prefered' to be alone to
meditate : though it condemned me
I loved to read it and hear its prec
ious contents expounded. Now un
der the sa’ue feeling and beyond ex
pression, only they were all new and
different from any I had ever had
liefore, I loved the people of God:
also, I loved to be where they Avere as
sembled: I received them as the excel-
fcelings. He said he was satisfied.—
Then I became trancpiil and better
.satisfied.
Since then I have had many doubts
and fears. Again, I have been so
carried away with the goodness and
his mercy to me that I have said.
Bless the Imrd, oh! my soul, and all
that is within me bless his holy
name. Yes, I have felt the power of
his love while I'cading his precious
word, when at preaching, Avhen on
my bed, while walking and riding
along the road in deep meditation.—
Again, I have felt humble and thank
ful, so that I went off to myself and
said. Glory, glory tc his name forever !
I now feel a comfort in
with the de,\r saints of the Lord.
Farewell,
talking
grief and fear.
forever. I
in
d feel-
... rs-'
tiic ioreoo'.Tiu|^;t3 Av
hereafter suffer. Someti!;Aes'^ho|^*
streams of filthy lucre would brcaj/
in upon mo when I would be trying
to pray. I would inwardly say,
AVhat shall I do? my prayers arc all
mixed with sin, I am nothing but
filth and sin, mv prayers will do me
no good. I could truly and feeling
ly witness with the sayings of the
Holy Spirit: the heart is deceitful
above all things and desperately
wicked. Truly I felt to be the
chief of sinners. I plainly saw the
justice of God in damning me,sothat I
have said, jnstice ! justice !! justice!! I
for hours. I read in the Bible that
the wicked will gnaw their tongues
and blaspheme : but tlmught if I went
to hell I would continue to love
Jesus.
In this condition I have walked
and sat alone with the Bible in my
hands, and have often lain prostrate
with-my face to the ground—somg,-
times asking for mercy, and some
times asking the Lord to convict and
p’ive me a nodly sorrow for sin.
O O •/
One night I dreamed [ Avas gf)ing
to heaven, traA'eling along thestright-
est, narrowest road that I ever saw,
that was cut through a solid rock: I
finally arrived at heaven and .saw
the Savior and heard the heavenly
host singing the SAvectest songs I ev
er heard. Again, I dreamed I aaws
sent for to go to AYashington City,
and Avas appointed by the authorities
of the nation as ensign, and my flag
was lied in the blood of Christ. This
dream and especially the sv/eet sing
ing made strange Avorks in my mind,
but my burden Avas not relieved.
Sometime after this I Avent to hear
Elder AVra. Ilo.ss preach : I told my
EEAGAIENTS, NO. 29.
1 “A still small voice.”—1st Kings 19: 12.
Elder P. D. Gold—J'lighhj^ Esteemed
Brother and Companion in the Min- ^
istry:—
I speeds away, and the ever-
Avheels of nature
ji^ 1 evolving
1 ave rolled several months in-
to eternity since I sent you a
nent for tlm LaisDAIAKKS. I
.7>
still tee! a deep interest in its success,
and it has of late appeared to me to
be almost doubly rich from the sound
and able editorials, and the heart-melt
ing productions of the brethren and
sisters. Ilealizing my own stupidity
and Aveakness,
and
that
continue to haAm matter for the AAwrk,
I have hesitated about intruding up-
in ’’Dn.fior.s.
Av nent 110 idolatrous
(Iiirsty Jezebel swore by her gods to
take the life of the tried and persecut
ed Elijah, he took his servant and
fled for his life, from mount Carmel
in nortliern Palestine, to Beer-sheba,
in the south part of the holy land,,,
and leaving his .servantthere, he went
a day’s journey into the wilderness,
and there, weary, thirsty, hungry and
forlorn, he sat down under a junij^er-
tree, and there requested that he
might die. “It is enough ; now, O
Lord, take avAUiy my life, for I am no
better than my fathers.” Believing
that he was the only true prophet of
God left alive in Israel, the restall
slain, the altars of God thrown down,
and the altars of Baal reared up over
all the land, his nation, from the king
to the peasant, gone after strange
gods, and his life threatened by an
ambitious, and Avicked queen, is it
food be AVent forty u'ays and nights
to Horob, the mount of God.
I must not enlarge hero on that^
food and the forty days, and s[)eak ot
their significance, and so I pass on to
the text.
He is now at the mount of God,
Avdiere Aloses aa^us nearly six-hundred
years before, in Arabia, at the back
of the wilderness, on the rugged,
lonely and aAve-inspiring mount, an
exile from his own country, and cut
off from human society, .so he take.s
up his abode in a cave. The Godin
AA'hom he trusts still has his eye on
his faithful prophet, and .speak,s to
him, saying, “ What doest thou hero
Elijah ?” “ I liave been vcryjealous
for the Lord Godot hosts; for tlie
children of Israel have forsaken thy'
coA'enant, thrown doAAui thine altars,
and slain thy prophets- Avith the
SAvord, and I, even I only, am leit.,
and they seek my life to take it awayu
He Avas told to go and stand on the-
mount before God, and Avhile there
the Lord passed byg and a “ great
and .strong Avind rent the raountain.s,
and break in .jAieccs- the rocks,” bat
the Imrd ATa.s not in the AAund,
Though he sent his nria:
Avith all its frightful and
yet in it, or throup,
speak to the aAve
any Avords c-fpeace
after the Avind an^lHi-quake; but
the Lord Ava.s not in the earthquake.’'
He spake not to- tire heart ot the
trembling and frightened man any
AA’ords to allay' his tears..
Earthquakes are the most aAvtiA
and terrifydng occurences- that mortals
blood-^ have evert aa'iuIW'-; )
yen
>>n c.nvtli
r
any
AA'onder, dear
tear reader, that this
old sei’A’ant of God should desire to
depart out of a Avorldofsin, sorroAv
and distre.'S? But the Lord had
further use for him in the Avorld be-
fi're he should be tran.slated into the
climes of bliss in a chariot of fire,
and hence he did not grant the proph
et’s request; but, there in the desert,
as at the brook Oherith, and atSarep-
ta, the Lord provided for Ids present
Avants by a miracle. “ The Lord Avill
provide,” and his children should
take courage, and trust in 1dm in
their greatest straits, and in their
darkest hours, and he say's to them,
“ I never Avill leaA'e thee nor forsake
thee.” As he lay and slept under
the lonely tree an angel is dispatched
from heaven and supplies his Avants
of hunger and tl irst, and upon that
^ the heavy convulsions of thc-
globe,. Avhile it rolls like a toy', aud
the ocean boils and heaves likea cal
dron, and mouutaius are overturned
by their roots, (Job 2S : 9.) dumb
brutes, foAvls and . mortals arc filled
Avith unutterable dismay' and terror.
Eperiencing one of those aAvful con
vulsions of nature, an English Avritcr
exclaims, “At that moment Avhat
Avere all the thing,s cf eartli to me?
Kiches, honor, euApire, Avi.sdom all
AA’ere u,seles.s sounds, and empty as
the buibblcs of the deep r”'
And after the efsthquake-subsided,
afire—not a mere- Imnfiro, or a taper,
but, I presume, a great and eonsum-'
ing conflagration—ssvcep>ing througlu,
the mountain AA’ith its terrible roarj(
Avorth the name of a fire, “ But tln^'
Lord Ava.s not in the fire,” No pcacd
no comfort spoken y'et totlie’hffr'gli/
ed prophet. Those awfid disjilays
omnipotence Avere avcU calculated
fill his soul Avith terror, and gi
him some idea of tlie majesty, po-AA'cr
and glory of him Avho Aveighs the
mountains in scales, and the hills in
a balance,. and prepared liini the
more fully to receive and appreciate
Avords of comfort.
“And after the fire a still small
voice.” And Avhcu Elijah heard it
he Avrap[>ed his face in his mantle,,
and Avent and stood in the entralice'-,
of the cave, and there came a voice h>k
him again with the joyful intelligence
that the Lord had reserved unto liim-
self seven-thousand men Avho liad not
bowed the knee to Baal, Ac., filling
his heart, doubtle.ss, Avith much joy-
and e.icouragement.
The foregoing eve.its in Elijah’s.