Newspapers / Zion’s Landmarks (Wilson, N.C.) / Dec. 1, 1875, edition 1 / Page 4
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'• J 12 Zion’s Landmarks: Wilson, N. C. Lotjina, Aia., July 30, 1875. Bear Brethren and Sisten's.— HAVE been thinking for a ik long time tliat I would write some of my travels, what I think the Lord his done for my poor soul, and since I have been tak ing the Landmarks I have thought I would write a few sketc^^es and it might be that my mind would feel at ease. I know I can not write as inter esting as I have read in the Land marks, but of a little lent little is ex- l)ected. The first thing that made me think of death was when my mother diecL I was eleven years old the day she lay a corpse. My father came to mo and said, “Darcas, what ivill we do, we have got no mother now.” I replied, I don’t know un less we go too. And then the.se thoughts were pressed on my mind : you are not preparal to die. Over powered by these thoughts I began to cry; thinking I had no mother and not prepared to die, and go with lier. So I thought I would pray; thinking’ if I prayed I would get re ligion without any trouble. At times I would go off to my self and,, as I thought, I would pray a very good prayer: I would say to my'self,! can pray nearly as good as Mr. Bi-i+*-on. Sometimes I would j>ray for all my brothers and sisters, for I wanted them to go too. I went on this way about three years j but at last I got so I could not pray, I could only say Lord, have mercy on me a sinner ; for indeed I felt like I was one of the worst, and that I was going to dio, and if I died I could never go where my mother 'was. I would go off to myself, and thud?, I will get on my knees and pray right, and when I would try fo get down on my knees I would lie down and hide my face; I could not get o.a my knees, I felt like it would be a sin for me to get on my knees and make a mock of good people; that was the way they prayed. So I could not pray anywhere* It seemed like my prayers would not rise above my head. Instead of rising it seemed tike they went into the ground* I would get up and go away and think I would go away and thiuk I would never try to pray again, but the more I tried to keep from it the harder I would find myself trying. The first time I ever went up to be prayed for I was, as w’ell as I remem ber, about fourteen yetn*s of age, I gave Elder Britton my hand, lie went home with father that day: when I w*ent in the Imuse he called me his girl. I tliot:ght he said that because I went v’p to l>e prayed for. I thought I would DC-ver go up again. 1 thought he was a good man and I wanted him to pray for me : I knew he W'oujd do'it if I would ask him to. It was some-time before I went'to be ])rayed fou I remained in this con- ditioBt foi?- a. long time—sometimes wishing I had died when young: but then would think that I was not prepared to% die. Often when I would go to preaching the preacher would get to tell mg his. troubles, and he would, tell mine so. plain that I won dered how he knew my feelings so —I thought he was preaching to I tho.ught th.Qu I would neyer go to preaching again for it seemed to do me no good; but when the time came for preacliing I would want to go as bad as ever. I heard father say on one occasion: That he didn’t think he would live to see any of his children join the Church. Then aunt Darcas Hearn said “That while the lamp liolJs out to Ijura, The vilest sinner may return." I thought I never could bea' the thought of bis dying—and not one of his children in the Church. If I was only a Christian I would be willing to go with him—but instead of a Christian I was a sinner. I was in great trouble, and how to extricate myself I knew not. The more I tried to pray the worse I got. I con tinued in this condition until I was eighteen years of age. When alone one day (I don’t know what I was thinking about,) I found myself singing these words: “ I can hut perish if I go; I iun resolved to try ; For if I stay away, I know, I must forever die.” I do not know how long I hud been singing when I came to myself. I was at Darcas Hearn’s, and I went in the house and asked her if she knew the first of that song. She got the hymn book and read it to me. I could not help crying. I felt like I wanted to continue singing, for my burden was gone. I wanted to tell her of it, but she did not ask me what M*as the matter; and, if she had asked me I could not have told her. I began to study wheie to go. To the Church? No, it did not mean that! I M^'ond^;j;d ^diat was matter: the'burden I had was gone and I- felt that I wanted to praise the Lord. . I thought if I was a Chris tian I would never have any doubts. I wanted to know that I was a Chris tian without doubt; but after a while I was ■willing to take it as I could get it. I would think I was deceiv ed : and if it was of God -what made me doubt? I loved the things I once hated aud hated the things I once loved. I love Christian jmople and wanted to be with them; but, oh! I am not fit—I know I am not as good as they aie. One month before I wa.s bapti2ed there was one that joined and I want ed to go then and tell the Church how I felt—but I had never told any one, and thought if I M*eut with out telling father he would be mad with me—so, I did not go.. I was in great trouble: I wanted my father to know how I felt, aud find out what he thought was best for mo- to do; for I put a great deal of trust in him. IVhen I lay down that niglit I asked the- Lord to show me-, in a dream, my duty. That night I dreamed I was baptized. Next moniing when I awoke I tliought if I lived until the next meeting I would^ go.. Before meeting; time ojie of my old comrades spent the- night with me : At supper my brother and step-brother weie t&lling how siniiers felt. Tiiey went to meeting aud -left my comrade and self to, fijiiih the- conversation : so we talked on until I told more than I cau eyer tell again.. Father was gone that night, so I told my step-mother ajid, slifi: told fa.th.er. Everything was fresh to me that night. Shortly after this there was a three days meeting: on Friday I went with father: I wanted him to ques tion me but he never mentioned the subject. Saturday morning he asked me if I was going to join the Church that day, and said if I was, he would send for sister “ Mat.” I told him I was not fit to join the Church. His reply was: If you wait till you are fit you will I'lever join. That day there were a great many at meeting: I thought they went there to hear me talk to the Church; so I 'VTOuld not go, but when the time came, and the door of the Church Avas o^Aen several went forAvard. I thought I Avould not go, but after a Avhile I found my self there; but, I thought, everybody there would think I learned Avhat I had to tell from the rest. But Avhen I got through telling they gave the right-hand of fellowship. I can nev er describe my feelings. I Avas bap- tizetl the next day by Elder E. Brit ton. Since then I have had doubts, trials and temptations, and often think I am a miserable Avretch, and won der if anybody has confidence in me, when I have so little in myself. Like one alone I seem to be. Oh ! is there any one like me ? This is a brief sketch of the trials of your poor unworthy sister, if one at all. I Avould to God that I Avas gifted Avith language and scribe enough to tell you half my feelings since I Avas first brought to know God in the pardon of my sins. I want all the brethren and sisters ) rerasfrtiber me in theisc pray$»^s. I feel unworthy to subscribe my self your sister, Barcas P. CAirrER. T*isnot, N. C., Elder P. D. Gold—Dear Brother in Christ:— jp HAVE often thought that I AYOuld Avrite some of my fcel- iii,?s for the columns of your highly esteemed paper, ZiON*s Landmarks, though often shrink at the task, feeling my nuAvorthlness and imperfections; though as I read your pa^)er I am much comforted. I Avill endeavor to AA'rite a portion ofAvhatl hope to be the dealings of the Lord with my poor soul. When about fifteen years of age I AA^as taken very ill, and all thought I Avas going to die, and thoug-htso my self ; far j)art of the family had died from the same disease. One night Avhile I was so sick I had a dream, I neA*er have forgot it. I dreamed that an angel came and carried me to heaven, and I saw God and Christ, and I thought that I ask God to make me A*vell again, and thought that Gol gave me to the same angel and he brougut me oacK and put me down at Union, Upper- town Creek Church. I thou2:lit that all the Old Baptists Avere there, and all the Methodists Avere there too; and I tliought that a Baptist Minister took all the-Methodists and tied them tip in boiidles and smote them eai the hetjd anl sent them away, and then ail the OhhBaptists were pennitted to giA rn the Cherc-h,and I Avas permit ted to go in Avitli them, and I awoke, and Avhen I did, I fedd my rnother I had been to heaven, and told her my dream. From that time I began to get better until I got well. Well, as time glided on, my dream got dull, but never forgotten. I had another dream: I dreamed that the world was couiing to an end, and to be burnt up, and I thought that father and myself were standing at the foot of a ladder, and Avhere the toj> reached 1 could not see; but old Jacob saAV the top, he said it reached to heaven, and he saw the angels as cending and descending on it. I could not see the top ; but I thought father and I looked to the East and saAV the Avhole world on fire. I thought I was frightened A*ery badly and I thought I looked at father and told him to pray for us, aud I thought he said to me, “ don’t be frightened for Christ is before the fire;” and I looked towards the fire again, and I saw a man coming l>efore it up in the element, and he had on a long robe and a staff in his hand, and as the fire came Christ came until it got nearly tons, and then Christ took the staff that he held in his hand and struck the fire audit divided and past on both sides. I thought 1 felt the heat some but not very much. I then awoke and was troubled for a long time, but did not let any one knoAv it. Weeks, months and years passed and I ceaserl to l>e troubled,and grew up to manhood, and the late- war came on and I had to go. While in the war I had many serious hours- OAmr my future destiny, aud had many serious meditations. What would become me? I read the Bible every chance I got, aud tried to do- all the good I COr^l, and thougfit after" a Avhlle that I Avas good, notw'ithstand- ing I dreaded to die; but thought I had done so good God AAmuld save me anyhow. When we Avere going in a battle I AA'Ould pray and be as good as I could. The Avar ceased and I Avas spared to get home, though I Avas badly wounded in my right shoulder breaking it to p>ieces very badly so that I am not able todo all kinds of work. When I got home I thought I Avas out of danger; 1 threw away all my religion and went in sin AA'orse tlian ever, though O'ften I had serious thoughts on my future destiny, and thought I would get religion again Asrhen I got old, though it Avas not the Avish of my parents, for I was raised by strict Baptist parents ; but going to the war and being- Avith so- many sorts of people I thought I could get religion at mj own option ; for I thougli-t I had got it once, and could get it again ; for I often prayed to the Lord to spare me- until L got home, and that he did; so I thought I could get religion Avhen I got ready. I Avent on lathis way until eighteen seventy three. Tliere Avere three deatliiS in our family, two of my sis^- ters, and a little- girl, one of my sis ter’s children that my parents took to raise. Thoiirgh all died it did not seem to hurt ir^e much until the last died, that was my oldest sister, that see-med to hurt me very badly, I thouglit more of her than of the rest o-f my sisters. Sire did not die at Inwsr-, aud I went after her to bring her home'to hav*e her buried ; but Avhen I got Avhere she died she Avas- alread,y bwied ^ so I luwl to GomS;
Zion’s Landmarks (Wilson, N.C.)
Standardized title groups preceding, succeeding, and alternate titles together.
Dec. 1, 1875, edition 1
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