Thurs., Nov. 19, 193(
I NOBODY'S I
I BUSINESS 1
BY GEE McGEE
SUGGESTIONS FOR NERVOUS
AND IMPATIENT PEOPLE
1?After picking up your telephone
receiver, while you are waiting for
"Central" to answer, you should
have a book to read during this interim.
This will give you something to
while away the time with, and it will
likewise elucidate your intelligence,
ii* you have any When calling long
distance, you will need 2 books to
read. < Hut some times, you don't
have to wait bad enough to hurt).
2?This suggestion is intended for
people who go to the movies to see
the movies. Carry along a pillov: and
take a nice, long nap while the screen
is showing reviews and pre-views
and "ads'* that you are not interest- (
ed in. Some theatres call your at- j
tention only to the features they will
fetch you next week, week after next,
next month anu next year, but others
go further, thus affording you a
longer nap.
3?While waiting "a minute" for
your wife to come out and get in
the car. it would be nice for you to
turn on the radio in the said car
and listen in on 2 or 3 thirty-minute
programs during this minute. Some
women's minutes arc only a half
hour but others run up to threequarters
and possibly an hour. If
you have no radio in your car. you
might take a 3 mile walk for recreation;
she'll be almost ready to go
when you get back.
4?Speaking of the doubleparking
trageuy mat seems prevalent in all
towns big enough for a fire department:
you should count a million
backwards (to train your mind)
while the lady parked behind you runs
in a store to get a spool of thread or
a lip-stick. Along about sun-down
after you have counted seven-eighths
of your million, she will return and
let you get your car out so's you can
go home.
5?When grandpa is asking the
blessing at the able, it would be nice
for you to have something to nibble
on so's you won't be so hungry when
he gets thru. It might be a good
idea for you not to bend your head
over your plate during the blessing;
some folks have got cricks by doing
that. It simply does not pay to be
impatient, but all blessings ain't
long.
6?While you are waiting on the
feller that's "going to pay you next
week," you might take a trip around
the world, then you'd get back 3
weeks before ethe "next week" your
debtor had in mind. Waiting and being
patient are 2 virtues very few of I
us posses, but if you'll follow the
foregoing suggstions, you won't be a
time waster.
MIKE CLARK ADDRESSES A
LARGE GATHERING IN
FLAT ROCK
deer mr. edditor:?
yore corry spondent, lion, mike
Clark, rfd, made the followerng
speech befoar the ladies aid society
t f rehober church and flat rock last
friday night with much applause ansoforth:
Ladies and feller-citizens:
this here man darwing who said
that we sprung from monkeys was
LOW COA
SOUTHERN RA
FROM ASHEV1L
Washington, D. <
Baltimore, Md ...
Philadelphia, Pa.
New York
Boston, Mass. ...
Cincinnati, O. ....
Columbia, O
Cleveland, O
Petroit, Mich
Indianapolis, Ind.
Chicago, 111
Pittsburg, Pa
Avoid the hazards
For safety and con
Large Roomy coacl
rooms for mc
See your nearest;
R.
Assist
5. The Chert
Miss Virginia Benton
Honored At University
Miss Virginia Benton, well known
here as the granddaughter of Mr.
and Mrs. Will Savgae of the Regal
hotel, who is a member of the senior
class of the University of Georgia,
has been honored by her election to
the student council, which is composed
of the house presidents, one
senior and two juniors from each
dormitory.
Only one senior being elected to
membership from each dormitory
makes it a coveted honor among students.
o
a all-wet importer, he mought of.
but the ballance of humanntiy did r.ot
do so. who can, fur-rinstance, as.
sociate miss jennie veeve smith, who
is setting befoar me in all her beauty
and majesty, with a monkey for a
grammaw?
the only man or set of men that
ever acted like real monkeys in real
life is the leggis-lature in session,
and wasn't for the lobbyists, you
? * - -?- j ..... ....
IIIOU?;ilt- lie AVilil CU Ctcl SttU wSCh
but all lobbyists appear to be 100
per cent human ansoforth however
politicians was created from ribs
like the rest of us, allso from dust,
but not gold dust.
yore speaker is willing to agree
that some men in publick life as well
as i>thers who are married, eat goobers
and grin like monkeys, but that
capacity was inherited from their
human four-fathers, and not from
the chimpanzie, as has been stated, it i
was just as easy to creat a man as
it was to create a monkey, and possibly
easier onncr count of no tail on
the former.
this ine-stein theory and this evolution
bunk is ruining our colleges
and churches, and it will sooner or
later knock out the verry keystones
of same, whoever teeches that the
lower annimal life is responsible for
the man and the ewoman of today is
not fitten to teech school or sing in
the quire, holsum moore will please
take notice thereof.
ladies and gentermens: 1 am glad
to be yore guess speaker tonight and
you have choose wisely, look upon
me: do you see annything about me
except my mushtach that resembles
anny beasts of the woods? (Voices
from the audience, yes, what about
that gorilla head and them wildcat
eyes), the meeting was adjourned at
this time.
yores trulie,
mike Clark,
orator.
o
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ASHEVILLE, N. C.
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]
NEWS PICK-UPS
t
We're going to start a one-man ^
war against this fancy, foreign type. ^
For instance in the post office
there is a map of South American air
mail routes. Under it in some of j
that lace-trimmed type is "Unites
Americas". It's so hard to read that
the first week we read it "Unties .
Americas". That didn't even sound j
funny So after worrying with it a ,
week to get some possible meaning, I
we just deided it was Spanish for j
"The United States."
It wasn't until we got smart and I
tried to speak Spanish that we really
found out the truth about the matter.
"Unites Americas". Humph.
Talking to an acquaintance the
other day we got around to that little
squib we had in this column about
Bill Cover last week.
"Incidentally", we remarked, "it's
funny but a body doesn't ever go any
place but what he doesn't find Cover
there. It looks like he's bee it everyplace".
"You didn't", asks the acquaints
ance, "ever try going to Heaven or
the Legislature, did you"?
Somebody asked Walt Mauncy
the other day if he didn't run over
that deer in the Pisgah forest and
back off and shoot it. "No" answers
Walt, "the darn thing just kept nibbling
on my lunch until I got so mad
I shot him".
Dnrinc tbp hrnnr)<>act af !?.? Mnr.
phy-Central High game last Friday,
Hatchett mixed 50,000 milk shakes,
each piece of electrical appartus in
Murphy went on and off 5000 times;
Walt Mauny squeezed 3247 lemons
and 876 oranges; Dave Townson
sawed and trimmed 12 million board
feet; the Scout press ran off 500,000
papers; Doc Holt filled 1247
teeth; 4752 heads weree clipped in
the barber shops, and 650 automobiles
honked their horns incessantly
for no reason at all. \
What a beautiful broadcast! Everytime
the radio quieted down so you
could hear the game, Central had *
?P
M
... you get I
MANS
il
DICKEY O
Mui
PfTT
I. .W 4 1 .
'
Carolina
made 12 more points.
Henry Axley, truck tycoon, has a
'puncture fund" which he builds up
to fix flats with.
Not having had any puntures last
week he could afford a new hat and
that pineapple haircut
Peewee Ellis always looks like he's
lunting a deer with that on.
The biggest trouble with women
is that they are always right.
From the "Man on the Sti^et"
broadcast we learn that there are not
h a r
WILL COOK YOUR
GOOSE-FLESH! 4
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Underwear this Winter HANI
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Shirts and Drawers begin
75c . . Boys* Union-Suits,
. Merrichild Waist-Suits,
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new shirta and knit shorta
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J| THE ANTI-FR
Stock up for a Warm
Vinter, Buy Hanes At?
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long, dependabh
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You'll never know how |
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E they've been first choice
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I with their speed-grip tr
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MANSFIELD
4 MORE NON-SKID
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9 MORE STRENGTH
t in full cushion, Mgfeflex
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You'll be am
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rlEVROLET I
mhv Mnsials r1*?
j11U1U1 van
TiTTir
Ik
48 states in th7 Un"i?T??^BB
How come? WeH . H
week to figure it nut *"* *
(And don't bring ir ,, WXBEp
of health. deeompositi' ^J^B|
or ignorance, iscway
Treasurer W blTT^T E
Key West Rotary M..W "?<BM
! ed a meeting 0f the or^JJ^Bw
?cTpuos rabk"'
4 E S|
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one.Here's -?"? H j || ;
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atch your chest and I B j
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s your shoulders, or I ?
it the crotch! See \ \ &
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EEZE UNDERWEAR g
Headquarters for Hani^B
Men's and Boy's UNDERWEAI
WHITAKERS Si
BARGAIN STORE K
z mileage on 1
TIRES I
good Mansfield Tires are I
pour own car. For years B
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eads?their lull cushion B
trong beads?are bigger H
Don't wait?don't trke
If by equipping your ear
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COMPANY I
lina a
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